


We Want to Save the World But We Need a Drink First

by burntcopper



Category: The Authority
Genre: F/F, F/M, I must be insane, M/M, RPF AU, Warren Ellis owns my soul, hbo, imaginary actors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-28
Updated: 2012-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-30 06:35:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burntcopper/pseuds/burntcopper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The making of The Authority, the tv series</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Bleeding Cool._

 

It's comic adaptation time again! And no, not one of the Big Two's stable of iconic names. Oh no. This time the rumours are circling The Authority, the comic originated by Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch.

 

Specifically, as a tv series. Which is interesting, given how superpowers have previously been treated on tv, especially network - Heroes, anyone? You'd need a major budget (sorry, no firm word yet on which networks are interested enough to front some cash), but the episodic nature of tv should work pretty well for building the storylines. Not to mention how they'd deal with the fact that two of the team are gay and a couple....

 

Opinions? Anyone you'd like to see cast?

 

blahblahblah writes:

 

SUCH a clusterfuck. They'd cast Jenny as the latest blond ex-WB stable bimbo, Shen would be 'well she's vaguely chinese, right?', Angie would end up wearing a metal bikini, and I'm not even going to go into the gay thing.

 

Apollofan writes:

 networks, keep your fucking hands OFF. I'm providing work for my dentist just imagining how they'd fuck it up. Never mind how many strides shows like American Family have been making in the portrayal of gay couples, and that it's been over ten years since QAF first aired. If they don't desperately ignore it or keep them so far in the closet of no-touching, they'll try and cripple one of them for the drama. (I'm not even going into Millar's fuck-up) or Joss them.

 

Supahgal writes:

 My dream casting for Apollo and Midnighter would be Chris Evans and Tom Hardy. a girl can dream, right? And Alan Tudyk for The Doctor. Every. Time. Shen - please, please don't cast Grace Park *again*. I know she's the go-to actress for pretty much every asian role, but please. Angie... um. Coming up blank. my head wants to cast Archie Punjabi and she's not even Hispanic. Jenny: er...Billie Piper, no, Keira Knightley might work if she could swear properly...

 

TapDatData writes:

 Wonder Woman. All I'm sayin'.

 

\---

 

Angel's in the pub with her mates when her agent calls. "Hello?"

 

"Get out of that pub so I can talk to you properly, you feckless wastrel." Tina says on the other end.

 

Angel mouths 'agent' at the others, walks out to the alley behind, elbowing aside a couple of smokers. "So, what can I do for you? Anything interesting?"

 

"I have a tv audition for you. Point of fact, they called me."

 

Angel blinks. "...Seriously?"

 

If it was theatre, she could believe it. She's been working in theatre since her mid-teens, and is lucky enough to be considered leading lady status in the West End. Star name billing for musicals and straight plays. Which means she occasionally gets the call from the directors and producers to skip a few stages of the audition process to get seen. TV and film, she's had the occasional role, but her real break onscreen was getting Marian in the recent BBC tv series that ended last year having run for four series. Saturday night, hard as nails and just as muddy as the 80s series. Serious fun, and Angel had nearly screamed the Coach and Horses down when she'd got the call to say she'd got it. This may or may not have had something to do with the fact that she has her own longbow and been a Robin Hood nut since childhood. But still, even if it got her name out there, she's mostly a theatre bod. Angel Harker is *not* the first name on most television producers' wishlists, especially if what you're most famous for in that arena is a mud-stained tomboy who'd prefer to punch someone over talking it out. What the hell is the role if they're calling her in to audition out of the blue?

 

"I know, you're hardly first name on a tv producer's lips." Tina says. "Anyway, it's for an HBO/Sky collaboration, so you better not fucking screw this up."

 

Angel swallows. HBO/Sky? That's big money. Big. Really high profile. Even a relatively minor role would be amazing. "So, uh, what's the show?"

 

"The Authority." She can hear Tina frowning. "Some superhero thing, would you believe. They're filming it mostly in the UK at Pinewood with some location stuff, from what I can gather."

 

"...Yeah, I'd heard a couple of rumours, Drew has the comics." Angel frowns. She's read the comics - or as far in as Drew has the novels for, since he dropped the comic when the original writer left. She mentally goes over the female roles in it. "There's bugger all supporting cast, I'm not Tibetan, and I look as non-Spanish as it's possible to get. Um. They don't seriously want me to read for Jenny, do they?"

 

"Yeah, Jenny Sparks." There's the clink of a mug on Tina's end as she takes a sip of her tea. "The brief I've got here is hundred-year-old eternally youthful alcoholic burnout who leads the team and wields electricity. Sounds interesting to say the least."

 

"Yeah, like I said, I've read the comics. Drew loves 'em." Angel rubs her neck, shakily. The lead. The bloody lead. They want her to try out for the lead in an HBO series. Robin Hood was one thing, but that one she heard about, and thanks to the childhood obsession just ploughed through and won the directors and producers and writers over due to sheer depth of knowledge and then pointed out that she already had archery training. And then proceeded to be teachers' pet in bootcamp. "Never mind you, Drew would kill me if I screwed this up. I wouldn't get fed for a week, I'd have to live on takeaway."

 

Tina 'hmms'. "You need better priorities, he only feeds and shags you, I keep you employed. So I'll get the script over to you, the audition's on Wednesday morning since you've got a matinee Thursday."

 

"Ta." Angel says as Tina hangs up. Angel goes to lean against the wall to get her composure back a bit. Lead. In a big-budget HBO series. Fuck her sideways with a bleeding hamster.

 

Greg sticks his head out of the door. "You were gone for a bit, Shan's decided - oh, finished the call?" He pauses, looking at her taking deep breaths. "You okay?"

 

"Yeah." Angel replies. "Just got a call for an audition for a tv role."

 

"Well, that's good, isn't it? It'll pay decently if nothing else" He says brightly. "Anyway, as I was saying, Shan's decided that it's her round. What did you want?"

 

"Glass of rosé'll do, thanks." Pause. "Also if she could see her way to getting some pork scratchings, I wouldn't say no."

 

"All class, you are." Greg replies, grabbing her hand and tugging her inside.

 

\----

 

When she gets in after the pub, Drew looks up from notes that look like planning out a fight scene. Dunno if it's for a real project or just an idea. could be either. Considering once she'd asked, and he'd admitted it was from a Musketeers film. "Good day?"

 

"Yeah." Angel says, hanging up her coat. "Shan decided it was her round for once."

 

"There's rare for you." he comments. "Any news?"

 

"Yeah, Tina called me about an audition she had for me. Well. They called her."

 

Drew grins. "That's always a good sign. What is it, Legally Blonde?"

 

"No, but that would be awesome." Angel says, going through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. "TV."

 

"Ooooo. Must've impressed someone a lot. What is it, Midsomer Murders? Are you going to get killed with a pitchfork?"

 

Angel comes back in and tweaks his ear, collapsing on the sofa. "Don't be cheeky. New thing."

 

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. Detective? comedy? Detective comedy?" he guesses.

 

"Um." Angel bites her lip. "No. You know how you've been idly fantasy casting since those rumours of them making The Authority into a tv series started floating around the web? They want me to read for Jenny."

 

Drew stares at her. "Tell me you're kidding."

 

"That's what I said to Tina." Angel takes a swallow of water. "she also said it's an HBO production."

 

"...That means a fuckign immense budget. Oh my god they might actually be able to make it properly, and since it's HBO, they won't shy away from the violence or the gay stuff..." Drew says thoughtfully, suddenly off in a whole little fanboy world of his own. "...Oh my god this might actually work, even."

 

"Hasn't been greenlit yet." Angel reminds him.

 

"Shh, you." Then he frowns. "You as Jenny, though. What did they see? oh, I know. that play you did a couple of months back, combine with some of Marion's pissed off and vengeful, and you bloody work in the West End, you don't need training on how to be a degenerate, it comes naturally."

 

"Oh, cheers." Angel says. "Who was it ended up in that lock-in last week in that pub off St Martins?"

 

"Photoshop does terrible things." Drew says cheerfully.

 

"So are you denying you were in the pub?"

 

"Oh, i was in there, it's just the macros we got out of it that we did to Stevie."

 

"oh, those. yeah, he did deserve it for getting bladdered in the company he did."

 

"So you got a script?"

 

"Not yet, Tina'll get it delivered to me tomorrow. Audition's wednesday."

 

Drew points at her. "You will be fucking word perfect. Screw this up and you're on takeaways for a week." He tilts his head. "Really can't picture you as a blonde, though."

 

Angel hunches in on herself a bit. "Try that season I did at the Globe. I was blonde for Desdemona. It didn't look bad, but it was bloody weird, I can tell you that."

 

Drew shakes his head. "I saw that production, and my brain still remembers you as a redhead."

 

"Probably the force of my brain going 'I hate this wig, smile, act winsome and sweet, I hate this wig, now betrayed, I hate this wig, be very very fucking scared of your husband going off his rocker, i hate this wig."

 

"You're telling me the whole time you were getting gushing write-ups from swooning old critics for that you were mostly thinking of the wig?" Drew asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

"You're the one who had to snog someone every night who stank of coconut." Angel points out, sipping her water.

 

"I still say a clothespeg wouldn't have detracted from that bit of the play." he grumbles. "I even tried swapping out her hair stuff and soap, but I think she must've bathed in the stuff. Still pity whoever has to share a stage with her now."

 

\----

 

Angel sits down, putting her bag in her lap and unlooping the scarf from her neck, as it's a bit warmer in here than outside. Not too much, but just enough to make a difference as she does not want even a chance of getting sweaty. Her mates tease her about getting goosepimples, but better goosepimples than damp patches in her opinion. Especially when she's got an audition. On stage and dancing up a storm is different, everyone sweats like a pig, it's expected, but everywhere else - just no. She pulls a mirror from the make-up bag in her bag, doing a last minute check of her slap. Clean and simple is the look she's going for, given the role. Half a tonne of the stuff is not what the character requires, and anything that helps them see that is always good. Angel's glad she's not got a completely whacky haircut at the moment.

 

The door creaks open after a bit, and a head pokes out. "Miss Harker? We're ready for you now."

 

Angel nods, smiling and getting up. "Thanks."

 

She follows him through the door into the room - couple of casting agents and a camera set up to record her audition for everyone else involved in the decision. And given that it's for screen anyway, showing how she moves on camera. It's still quite mad that some people are amazing on screen and shit in real life, and vice versa. Not to mention the way the camera warps peoples faces. Again, the most gorgeous people can look almost plain on camera, and turn some relatively homely ones into stunners with the right lighting. Of course, some of it's make-up, but still.

 

Angel smiles, straightening. "So where do we want to start?"

 

"Well, if we go from page seven, the bit where Jenny's talking to the Engineer."

 

Angel nods, pulling the script from her bag and flicking to the relevant page to remind herself of the dialogue. "Sorted." She replies, putting her bag down and rolling her shoulders slightly to get into character.

 

"Cameras are already rolling." Casting agent one says, the one who looks like he's walked out of a union conference, takes a sip of water, and takes a breath. "Ready?"

 

"Ready." Angel affirms.

 

"And I told you - my name is Angela Spica. Angie, for gods sake, Jenny..."

 

Angel shrugs very slightly, then puts her hands in her pockets. "I know, but I have to get used to calling you by codename when we're in the field." she glances off to one side, making it look like she's searching for something distractedly. "Where's the Doctor?"

 

Casting agent nods, and continues in his flat voice. "In a private room, arranging some kind of conversation with the previous doctor. You know, the one that got killed..."

 

"Mmm." Angel nods. "I know." Then she stops, allowing a tinge of disbelief to leak through. "Hold on. Conversation with a dead man?" She rubs at her temple, then shakes her head slightly. "I'm not even going to ask."

 

There's a pause as the casting agent turns the page. The other one's watching her with a tilted head, slouched back in his chair, arms folded and looking interested. She doesn't break character, though. Casting agent one speaks up again. "You know, I find myself about to say 'god, how weird is that guy?' Then I look at what I'm wearing and where I'm standing..."

 

Angel snorts slightly. "You want weird, I'll tell you how I met the Doctor some time. I'm over a hundred years old, and the bastard gave me goosepimples for days."

 

"Good, thanks." Casting agent two says, not getting up from his lean. He tilts his head, examining her. "Done any green screen work?"

 

Angel shakes her head. "None. All horribly realist drama, I'm afraid, but I'm used to acting to nothing."

 

"Hmm. well, it's not too difficult to pick up." He pulls a couple of bits of paper from out of the pile by his elbow, anding one of them to her. More script. "Here's another scene, one of the action ones from another episode. To set the scene, L.A.'s in the middle of being attacked by an invading force, and your colleague's just performed a spell that's caused you to be pelted with the debris. in your own time."

 

Angel scans the script, then grins. "Oh, this bit. I like this bit." Another breath, then she ducks, covering her face and wincing visibly as though sharp things are hitting her. "Bloody hell!" She exclaims. "Is this your sodding idea of magic?" A swallow and another wince, then she growls " 'I know - instead of having them *beat* Jenny to death, I'll turn them into ten thousand sharp pointy things and bloody chuck 'em at her instead!' "

 

Casting agent nods. "All right, the shards suddenly go and a bunch of trees suddenly grow out of the pavement, faster than the eye can see."

 

Angel comes out of her defensive cringe, cautiously looking around, then blinks, straightening slightly and looking at him in amazement. "You turned them into trees?" she asks in disbelief.

 

"...I had to do something with all that mass..." he pauses "...I feel great..." Agent pauses again, sipping his water. "And the doctor faints."

 

Angel straightens properly, looking down in exasperation at the supposed body at her feet, raising her finger to press against a supposed ear mike, using a 'reporting' tone. "Jenny Sparks to all points: The Doctor is down."

 

"Mmm. Good." He puts down the script, and she comes out of character, handing back the script sheet she was given.

 

"No bits you need me to repeat?" Angel asks brightly.

 

"No, that's fine. Have you read the comics?"

 

"Yep." Angel says. "Boyfriend is a fan."

 

"Interesting. Drew Shipley, right?"

 

"Correct."

 

"If you get the role, it'll be lots of studio work with occasional location work. Any problems with that? We'll be shooting most of it in the UK."

 

"No, none all." Angel says, then pauses. "The UK? Really? I'd've thought you'd be shooting in America. It being HBO and all."

 

"Pinewood's set up well for a lot of the indoor and effects work we need."

 

"Huh. Cool." Pause. "So, anything else you need?"

 

They flick through their notes on the ipad, then casting agent one frowns. "Actually, yes. We need a slightly posher accent for some episodes. Can you give us an example?"

 

Angel runs her tongue against the back of her teeth, thinking. "How much posher? Sherlock posh?"

 

"That would do, actually. It's for the 1950s flashback episode."

 

"Right, so slightly but not full jolly hockeysticks." Angel lets out a breath, going back into Jenny mode. "Any dialogue you had in mind or can I make something up?"

 

"Anything will do." They reply. "We just need an example of what you sound like, since I don't think there's any examples of you using a posh accent in any of the roles you've done on film."

 

"All right." She nods, then lets out a breath and goes into considerably more well-spoken mode. Present day Jenny is relatively normal generic Londoner, but 1950s accent is *different*. A bit of one of the comics should do. It's not the 50s bit, but it's a decent scene. She gestures with a phantom fag, dismissively. "Angie, Shen - meet my first husband." She pauses and changes it to put-upon. "And remember, Lorenzo, there's no reason I loved you above your waist." She smiles cruelly, then drops back into normal voice. "D'you need any more?"

 

Agent two looks has a slightly raised eyebrow. Fractionally, but it's enough for her. "Well, you've proved you've definitely done your research."

 

She grins. "I also watched Empire Strikes Back a few times to figure out how to really chuck lightning impressively."

 

"Nice one. Thank you for your time, we'll let you know."

 

She nods, leaves, and heads for the nearest café before letting out a breath. That's all she can do until they call again. Angel pulls her phone out and texts her agent to say it's done. Two minutes later, Tina's number comes up with 'answer?'. Angel picks it up. "Tell me you killed it."

 

"Drew would've been proud of me." Angel replies. "Mind you, he's the one that coached me."

 

"He's useful for more than sticking pointy bits of metal into people in an audience pleasing way, clearly. Fingers crossed that they call back soon."

 

"Any word on the grapevine on who else is up for it?" Angel asks, pointedly not gnawing her lower lip.

 

"No, and I'm not going to tell you when there's a possibility of getting called in again." Tina says. "Now bugger off and do your current job. I will not entertain any bouts of nerves. The Robin Hood callbacks are not something I ever want to experience again."

 

"I had emotional attachment." Angel protests.

 

"And a disturbing love of babbling changes the writers were making to the legend down the phone at me. Do I look like a medieval scholar?" Tina demands. "Now go away and don't think about it until I tell you to be worried."

 

\----

 

Drew walks into the offices. "Uh... auditions for The Authority?"

 

"Third room on the left. Please join the queue." She says.

 

Drew nods. "Thanks." His agent had put him up for it, he nearly ran around the house screaming like a little boy, and as it was Angel had to tell him to breathe. And was threatening to put him on sleeping pills pre-audition this morning so he didn't go over-excited.

 

The queue's pretty short at the moment, and everyone in it is well-built and handsome. He sits down next to one bloke who looks like he lifts weights for a living. "What're you trying for?" Drew asks.

 

"Apollo." He answers. "Not sure if I can pull off gay superman, but considering my last long job was chorus in Priscilla..."

 

"Lycra and you are kissing cousins." Drew finishes.

 

"You?"

 

"Midnighter, Apollo and Jack Hawksmoor." Drew says.

 

"What, all of them?"

 

"Yeah." Drew replies. "I can do menacing, I can sunny and nice, and I can do martial arts. Figured I'd try for them all. Any of 'em'd be awesome."

 

The weight lifter eyes him. "Drew Shipley, right?"

 

"Guilty as charged."

 

"Well, I know you can do menacing bastard, so I'd probably have picked you for a Midnighter. Heard any rumours on who they're eyeing for any of these roles?"

 

"Not a sausage. As long as Tom Hardy doesn't suddenly decide he'd like to do any of them, I don't care." Drew says.

 

"Yeah, that'd just be mean." Pause. "Admittedly, if he got Midnighter and I got Apollo, I would not kick that man out of bed for eating biscuits."

 

Drew gets called in. They look down his list of skills. "Please tell me you're here to audition for Jack Hawksmoor if you can do acrobatics and have your stuntman qualifications." The casting agent says.

 

Drew grins. "Him, Midnighter and Apollo. I can bulk up and I have a couple of martial arts disciplines under my belt."

 

"I love you." The casting agent says faintly. "So, if you want to give us your Hawksmoor first?"

 

End of the readings. "Good?" Drew asks.

 

"Very good." The casting agent says. "Do you have your show reel with you with examples of the acrobatics?"

 

Drew goes over to his bag and digs out the dvd, handing it over, then pauses. "The camera's still running, right?"

 

"...Yes?" The agent says hesitantly.

 

"Good." He takes a breath, then does a flip, landing in splits and bouncing back up. The agent gapes slightly. "I can run up walls like in Singin' in the Rain as well but I don't think these ones'd take it."

 

The agent swallows, making notes on his ipad. "Definitely thanks for that demo. Do you have any experience in green screen?"

 

"Sadly, not much call for it in the stuff I tend to get." Drew shrugs.

 

"But you'd be willing to be stuck up in a harness?" The agent asks, running his finger down the list of credits and skills again.

 

"Done it plenty of times before." Drew grins.

 

In the pub. Drew's phone goes. Agent. The pub's pretty quiet, so he answers it nervously. "...Tell me it's good news?" he's had a callback, and Angel got confirmation of Jenny Sparks on wednesday. Drew nearly hugged the life out of her.

 

"They want you for Jack Hawksmoor. contracts being sent over for signing."

 

"Excuse me one second." Drew says, turning to snog Angel, releasing her, then going back to the phone. "At what point am i allowed to run down the street screaming?"

 

"Your appreciation is noted. Don't celebrate too much, you can do that when it's greenlit for a full series." His agent says.

 

"So?" Angel asks when he puts his phone away. "What did you get?"

 

"Jack Hawksmoor." Drew says faintly.

 

Angel hugs him, beaming. "That's great, I know you wanted that -" She pauses. "Er, you're not going to scream down the pub like I did when I got Marion, are you?"

 

"I might faint, is that allowed?" Drew asks.

 

"Alex!" Angel yells at the barman. "Guinness, stat! He's feeling faint!"

 

"I can't have whisky?" Drew asks as she comes back from getting it from the bar.

 

"Whisky doesn't have iron in it." Angel says. "Now drink the Guinness."

\----

_Collider_

 

HBO Commissions The Authority - Based on Warren Ellis' superhero comic series

 

HBO has announced that it has commissioned "The Authority", a series based on the superhero comics written by Warren Ellis, who wrote the comic "RED" was based on, the film starring Bruce Willis, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren as retired CIA assassins. Shooting on the pilot will begin soon at Pinewood Studios in the UK.

 

The Authority chronicles a superhero team who choose to focus on globe-spanning, epic threats that other superheroes aren't set up to solve, rather than the usual fighting crime.

 

The cast includes Angel Harker, Drew Shipley, Ross Hunter, Simon Kowalski, Gavin Detori, Mei Jones and Isabella Garcia.

 

_Bleeding Cool_

 

Remember that rumour we posted about Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch's The Authority to be, possibly, hopefully, a tv series? Rumour no more: HBO HAS ORDERED A PILOT. REPEAT, HBO HAS ORDERED A PILOT. It's not a full series yet, we'll have to see how the bigwigs like it, and it's not like HBO has ever done sci-fi or superheroes before. They've proved they can do gritty fantasy with Game of Thrones, but they're still more into horribly complex sprawling crime dramas. CROSS EVERYTHING. Or we'll tell Jenny on you.

 

Cast:

 

Jenny Sparks - Angel Harker

Jack Hawksmoor - Drew Shipley

The Engineer - Isabella Garcia

Swift - Mei Jones

The Midnighter - Ross Hunter

Apollo - Simon Kowalski

The Doctor - Gavin Detori

 

Supahgal writes:

 

...Marion and Gisburne from Robin Hood? Okay, I can kind of live with that. Isabella was in Dr Who, imdb on Mei appears to be some sort of soap, Detori's a comedy actor, and the other two seem to have been regulars on a couple of series.

 

Nerfherder writes:

 

Okay, if it's HBO I'm seeing them *not* pulling out of the gay stuff, at least. The question is whether they can handle the full-on action, since this is so not a talky comic.

 

Papperbok writes:

 

I just imdb'd Mei Jones. She's actually half Tibetan. Wow.

 

_ONTD_

 

HBO Superheroes? Seriously?

 

A pilot's been ordered for a comic series, The Authority. A superhero comic. Hands up who else has no idea in hell how they're going to do it?

 

It's basically Farscape meets Torchwood.

 

Piccies below....

 

Jenny Sparks, over a hundred years old, electricity. Played by Angel Harker, who most people remember as Marion who kicked ass something chronic in Robin Hood.

 

Jack Hawksmoor, talks to the cities. Anyone else not got clue one about what kind of power that is? Played by Drew Shipley, Gisburne in Robin Hood.

 

Swift. Has wings. Mei Jones.

 

The Engineer. Can make shit out of thin air and grow guns out of her hands. Isabella Garcia.

 

The Doctor - some kind of shaman/magician. Gavin Detori, was in Big Fish Little Fish and Green Ears. Quirky Brit comedy series.

 

Apollo and Midnighter - Superman and Batman, only gay. REALLY. Simon Kowalski (Pride and Glory, Brand New Day) and Ross Hunter (Chairs and Tables, This is The Star, Supernatural)

 

Littlefeet

I may die of mancandy.

>Festerhasclaws

I've read the comic. Apollo gets his shirt torn off, like every two minutes.

>>Samdamcam

<3 <3 <3 NEED THIS LIEK BURNING WHOA.

 

Moonstar

Gay Superheroes? SERIOUSLY?

>Jessjessjess

We kid you not. Preach it, sistah. HOT gay superheroes.

 

Pumpkineater

URGH, cannot stand Gavin Detori. He's, like humour vacuum. And who the fuck are the others?

 

Grassling

Oooo, Isabella Garcia? She was in Dr Who as the Manager in The Hotel Inspector. She's awesome. Mei Jones is... um... She's in a fair bit of BBC3 and an S4C soap. Not sure if I've ever seen any of it.

 

Swingthing

Ross Hunter is Gay Batman? Ross couldn't menace his way out of a paper bag.

>Quintus

Look up The Recruit. Ross can menace like a BOSS.

> Sitrep

This is HBO. We will have sex scenes. I am totally in favour of Ross Hunter doing sex scenes.

 

Arrowy

JENNY APPROVES THE GAY

image: Jenny Sparks grinning, speech bubble: 'All right, who wants to be Bert and who wants to be Ernie?'

This is a scan from the comic. TRUFAX.

>Millhouse

DUH, JENNY RULES


	2. Chapter 2

The writers' room. Or rather, its home from home. The coffee shop down the road.

 

Mark sits back. "So, fine-tuning?"

 

Greg looks up from his coffee. "First, we give thanks on casting. They've not gone for anyone stupid, and they can all act."

 

"True." Rabia says. "I'm a little worried about the Jenny casting, admittedly - all-action Jenny? Is that wise?"

 

Mark examines the pen in front of him. "She assured me on twitter that she is fully committed to the task of being an alcoholic pessimist. She's prepared to go method." Pause as he flips it. "Though her boyfriend pointed out that for proof, just check her twitter."

 

"Dedication is a good thing." Rabia notes. "Though Drew was asking me what accent we pictured for Hawksmoor."

 

Mark scratches his chin. "I'm not sure about that, to be honest. I think he's American - he's first seen in New York, after all, and the whole alien abduction thing screams American."

 

Rabia nods. "What he said. He was citing bits in Stormwatch but really hates, hates the whole mecha thing that happens in the Jenny Sparks mini."

 

Greg eyes her. "The Jenny Sparks mini? He knows about that?"

 

Rabia grins. "Oh, you didn't know? Drew and Ross are Warren Ellis fanboys. It's pretty amusing, though it'll be interesting on set."

 

"I think generic mid-west should do. Or whatever one he can pull off best. have we got any plans to mention the abduction in this series?"

 

"Not that I know of." Greg says, flicking to his notes on later episodes. "Considering we're mostly going with the first 12 issues for plot with a few bits from Stormwatch, the alien abduction is pretty unnecessary. The only ones we really get any handle on about how they got their powers are Apollo and Midnighter, and that's because we've got an episode devoted to them."

 

"And The Engineer." Rabia points out, picking up her coffee but not taking a sip from it yet. "Injected herself with nine pints of liquid machinery. I don't think we'll go into it in detail, but it's definitely mentioned a few times."

 

"This reminds me." Greg says. "You know we were planning to have the Change or Die thing as a storyline - how are we going to resolve that? Not to mention having Angie's predecessor as part of the group."

 

"May have to change that as 'she got her tech from him but he's still an Engineer'. Give him a different name like 'Maker'?" Mark says, sipping his coffee, then looking round, frowning. "Why are there no cookies?"

 

"They were waiting for a new batch to be baked when we came in." Greg says. "You can get some in a minute. But yeah, 'Maker' works. This reminds me, did we want to do the 'God comes back' thing as the final ep?"

 

"I'm really, really not sure about that." Rabia says, frowning. "I mean, it worked in the comic but there's no real tension and though a giant faceless pyramid with extra explosions and navigating through its body works on paper, on-screen... meh. You need a face." She pauses, taking a sip of her coffee and leaning back, staring at the ceiling. "All right, how about this: Instead of having Change or Die climax in the second to last episode so it doesn't detract from the final act, we say 'fuck it' and really do the double whammy. Go full-on Rome instead of Galactica. We think everything's fine and they've defeated everything, Jenny's completely fucked up over seeing another of her old friends stroke lovers and some of her old hopes go down in flames, and then we kick them when they're down."

 

Greg eyes her. "I knew those episodes of Supernatural you did were a warning sign."

 

Rabia smirks, still looking at the ceiling. "The Winchester boys are there to be hurt, dammit. Any fangirl worth her salt knows that." Pause, she sips some more coffee. "Also, removing the navigation through an alien body will cut down on the effects. The budget people will treat us much nicer if we do. And possibly give us cake."

 

"The budget people will never give us cake. They're heartless. And we'll have to invent another ep out of thin air, you know." Mark points out. "And guess who's going to have to tie it all in? Oh, just guess..."

 

"Shh. Know your place, monkey boy." Rabia says. "We'll just have to invent plot. Possibly character stuff."

 

Mark looks unimpressed. "Character stuff? In this? I thought that was considered just *wrong*. You said so in your outlines."

 

"We could extend the Blue Albion storyline to three rather than two, and put more flashbacks in." Greg says, getting up. "Hold that thought. Fresh cookies have appeared on the counter."

 

"You do realise there's already been a batch since we got here, right?" Rabia asks. "Also, get more coffee."

 

"Yes, but I didn't see them, therefore they didn't exist. Well known philosophical logic." Greg says. "Cappuccino and flat white?"

 

"With sprinkles." Marks says. "Lots of sprinkles."

 

Rabia drinks some more of her coffee and eyes him. "It disturbs me that you don't actually care what type of sprinkles they are. He could put anything on there."

 

"The sprinkles are the important thing." Mark sniffs.

 

Greg gets back, having managed to get a tray out of the barista due to the extra plate of cookies. "Okay, flat white, cappuccino with unspecified sprinkles, plain coffee and cookies."

 

"Gimme cookies." Rabia says, reaching for them. 

 

Greg smacks her hand. "Wait your turn. You can have them when you finish your first coffee. Not before."

 

"Meanie." Rabia mutters, shaking her sore hand and glugging the last of her lukewarm coffee, putting it down and grabbing a cookie from the plate, which she nibbles on resentfully.

 

"Okay." Greg says, sitting down and crossing his legs after he's put the coffees down and the tray to one side. "If we remove the God Comes Back episode for the final and have Change or Die as the climax, we're going to have to shuffle everything else around. Not least losing a good five minutes off the end of the Change or Die episode for the series ender."

 

"Actually, much more than that." Mark points out. "We have to have the Jenny waking up bit pre-credits. That's another three minutes gone."

 

Greg nods. "Okay, so run-down. Pilot, which is the first part of the Gamorra thing. Big bang, introductions to the characters, sets up the universe, proves the world-spanning nature which only they can do. We're keeping the notion that Jenny, Shen and Jack were in Stormwatch Black, but we need to fine-tune the post-credits scene to remove things like the satellite mentions. Yes, Stormwatch were big but they weren't that big. Second ep is the clean-up and continuation. This also includes the Change or Die first mentions, with a shadowy cartel observing this stuff." He says, marking them off on his fingers. "Somewhere in there, the Jenny flashback ep, and the Apollo / Midnighter backstory. Blue Albion is two, after the Jenny flashback ep. Actually, we could have an extra ep where the majority of the action takes place in the past, where the seeds were sown for them fighting off some big beasty in flashforwards. We don't explain that it was Jenny's actions that caused the big beasty until the last scene. Can also shove The High in there some more if you like." He takes a sip of his coffee. "Ow, too hot. Okay, where was I?"

 

"Gamorra, Jenny flashbacks, Apollo and Midnighter, Blue Albion, another Jenny flashback combined with modern day." Rabia says, making notes. "That's six. We can have the rest of the Authority playing the main characters in the extra ep to really fuck people over and cause fan-conspiracy theories."

 

"Including ones about The Authority being these characters' descendants?" Mark asks, then says admiringly "You're evil, Ravs, I like your style."

 

"Added points if the characters are nothing like the Authority ones - Apollo playing the real bastard, Midnighter being chatty and nice, that sort of thing." Rabia adds, making a new document and typing out her own notes.

 

"Understand that some of the actors will adore you and some will utterly hate you." Greg says, pointing at her with a stirrer.

 

"I'm a writer, it's what I'm here for." Rabia smirks. 

 

"You still concern me. They should noticed the plans for world domination decorating your house when they hired you." Greg says. "Okay, what with the fact that we have to add the extra Jenny stuff to the final ep, Change or Die was two eps, so we can stretch it out to 3, maybe if we start them on clean-up from another job and then do the search to find it was linked into the Change or Die aims."

 

"That bit from the beginning of the first Change or Die stretched out to a quarter of the new ep. Got it." Mark says, dipping his finger into the foam of his cappuccino to get some of the sprinkles and sucking on his finger thoughtfully. "Ooo, cinnamon." Pause again. "Okay, we still need another episode since that brings us up to nine."

 

"To the Stormwatch issues!" Rabia says gleefully.


	3. Chapter 3

Pub. Specifically, a booth in the Shakespeare's Head in Holborn. In which seven actors are trying to get to know each other before rehearsals start. They've just come from the first read-through of the pilot, and now it's time to actually talk to each other properly, since the read-through was the first time most of them had met. Well, aside from Ross and Simon, who'd had to audition together and do chemistry tests, and Drew and Angel, who live together.

 

Angel and Isabella come back with the drinks. "Okay, weird ale of the month, other weird ale of the month, G'n'T, two Budweisers and one pear and one apple Kopparberg." Angel says, passing them out.

 

"Also half a tonne of Mini Cheddars." Isabella says, removing two packets from where they're clamped in her teeth.

 

"What are they?" Ross asks, taking one of the bags and opening it dubiously.

 

"Cheddar-flavoured biscuits." Mei says, dipping her hand in and taking three. "Stuff of the gods, I'm telling you." She proceeds to stuff them in her mouth.

 

"Okay, if you insist..." He says, taking one and trying it. "Oh. Hey. these are really good. Si, you have to try them." He says, shoving them at Simon.

 

"Okay, everyone raise their glass once Mei has stopped trying to consume half her body weight in Mini Cheddars before anyone else gets to them." Gavin says. "Here's hoping we don't fuck it up and that it gets greenlit."

 

"Don't fuck it up." Everyone choruses, clinking their glasses together and drinking.

 

"Speaking of Mei." Gavin says. "You doing a sort of English-ish accent is really fucking weird. You're usually so bloody Welsh."

 

Mei smirks around her pint. "I work with the gifts god gave me."

 

"And you're really half-Tibetan?" Simon asks.

 

"Da went over on a study trip and brought Mam back with him." Mei shrugs. "She promptly joined the paramedic course as soon as I could sit up." She grins. "Was nice when the casting call came up, I must say."

 

"Well, I’m being Spanish again but this time with a New York accent." Isabella shrugs. "Just hoping it's decently convincing. I've had to do one in plays before but not for an American audience."

 

"Trust me, it's fine." Ross reassures her. He grins. "Nice that they took notice of where Angie was from and didn't just make it generic American." He frowns. "Though is anyone else going to find it weird saying Angel and Angie? Won't you get confused?"

 

Angel shakes her head. "Nah, because people who persist in calling me Angie get eviscerated. It's Angel or Angelina."

 

"Well, aside from Maggie Smith. She called you Angie for three days and you didn't correct her." Drew points out.

 

"It was Maggie Smith!" Angel protests. "She could call me anything she bloody liked and I wouldn't have minded!"

 

"Also on that list:" Drew says, counting off on his fingers. "Ian McKellen, Derek Jacobi, and Judi Dench. If they've got a knighthood you're theirs."

 

"Yeah..." Angel says dreamily.

 

"Anyway." Drew says, after clicking his fingers in front of Angel's face to snap her out of it. "Anyone seen their costuming notes yet?"

 

"You're just smug because you get to wear a suit and t-shirt the whole time." Isabella says. "Same for Angel. What do you reckon, vest or t-shirt, shirt, skinny jeans and boots, change it for period appropriate, right?"

 

"Yeah. I saw a couple of sketches and they're going with the all white look to keep it consistent." Drew says. "I'll miss the union jack t-shirts but get why they're doing it."

 

"Whereas *I* am going to be in a slightly modified sports bra and leggings." Mei smirks. "Ah, complete comfort in one's costume. Happy days."

 

"We who don't have to wear anything that makes us look stupid pity you." Drew smirks at the other four, then turns to Angel and Mei. "Just think, end of the day's filming, we can escape to the pub and no-one'll know any different."

 

Isabella narrows her eyes. "I hate you. Just so you know."

 

"My only problem is that they're almost certainly going to stick me in Primark." Angel mutters. "I hate Primark. It's like descending into the depths of hell."

 

"How do you know?" Drew asks.

 

Angel snorts. "Come off it. Plain white, labelless, as utilitarian as possible? They'll be going for cheapest. You, on the other hand... Costumers love suits, they'll be sticking you in as high-class a one as they can get away with and then elasticise the bits they need to. So there you'll be, swanning around in Armani while I'm stuck in Primark." She huffs. "Even Mei's going to be getting Nike at the very least."

 

Mei grins, sipping more of her pint. "I'm holding out for Sweaty Betty."

 

Ross scratches the back of his head. "I'm holding out for the full leather, personally. With stretchy bits so I can move. It wouldn't be proper Midnighter if it wasn't."

 

Drew eyes him. "Have you ever performed in full leather?"

 

"No, but it'll look cool."

 

Drew makes a face. "I have, and I wasn't even moving that much. Every night, sweaty stinking mess. I don't recommend it." He pauses. "Though you're right, it'll look cool." He turns to face Simon. "Unlike certain people..."

 

Both Drew and Ross smirk. "Lycra."

 

Simon shrugs. "From what Ross has told me, it'll be a travesty if I don't get my shirt ripped off each ep, so lycra's not too bad overall."

 

Isabella sighs. "I've seen the sketches. I'm definitely in lycra. They'll be adding effects, and I've got a headdress that's essentially wire and LED dreads, but it'll be lycra for ease. and CGI for when it grows on me." She turns to Simon. "However, it looks like you're safe. Adapted rugby tops and sports gear with possible combat trousers to make it look a bit more like a soldier."

 

Ross pouts. "I was looking forward to the lycra."

 

Gavin grins. "All those who suspect Ross was looking forward to perving..." All the brits raise their hands. "Whereas I will be in a glorious mishmash of hippy and whatever they can raid from Oxfam. I'm angling for some really horrendous tiedye or the loudest batik I can find."

 

"You are not allowed tiedye." Mei says. "I have sensibilities. Delicate ones."

 

"I've seen you at the Comedy awards, missus. You have no sensibilities." Gavin replies.

 

"Rugby and fashion. Also pretty, pretty fast cars." Mei says, counting them off on her fingers.

 

"Fast cars? Really?" Simon asks, opening a new pack of mini cheddars.

 

"Top Gear is porn." She sighs happily. "Happy, happy porn. Though we need to gag Jeremy Clarkson as a given."

 

"So that bit in Iron Man where the car got crushed..." Simon starts.

 

Mei glares. "Snuff should not be allowed where children can see it."

 

Simon pauses. "Perving does think what I think it means, right?"

 

"Leering, appreciating in a pervy way, etc, etc." Isabella says dismissively. "If you find Ross staring at your arse, he's perving."

 

"I call it 'getting into character'." Ross sniffs.

 

"You do remember Apollo and Midnighter are in the old married couple league, right?" Drew asks.

 

"Just because they are does not mean they don't have an extremely fulfilling sex life." Ross sniffs. "I cite Firefly."

 

"Point." Drew says. "Superheroes are essentially naked, and society being what it is, they expect naked people to be having sex all the time." 

 

Ross grins and points at him. "You're quoting. You're fucking quoting. We need to see your penis for journalistic purposes."

 

"Filthy ass-is-tants...." Drew sing-songs, delightedly. "You've got Lazarus Churchyard, right?"

 

"I have Hellstorm." Ross says smugly.

 

"Want. Wannnnnnnt." Drew pouts.

 

Next to Drew, Angel is groaning. "Oh god. Of all the actors in all the world. How is this my life?"

 

Isabella gives her a concerned glance. "What's wrong?"

 

"Warren. Ellis. Fanboys. This shoot is going to be nothing but quotage." She raises her head in despair. "Simon, run away now. It's the only way to save yourself."

 

Simon glances at where Ross and Drew are now just giggling. "My roommate as a freshman was a Trekkie. Can't be that bad."

 

Angel glowers, taking a swig of her G'n'T. "Trekkies don't have filthy language as an auto. Trust me. You'll learn. Also, Trekkies don't necessarily feel the need to share."

 

"So. Anyway." Isabella says. "Has anyone else does green screen? I did a bit in Dr Who, but it's going to be a whole lot in this one - the windows in the ship just for starters..."

 

"No, none." Mei shakes her head, sipping from her Kopparberg idly, one eye on the excited squeaking from the Drew and Ross corner. Then her head whips round. "Hang on. What do you mean, Dr Who?"

 

"I did an episode last series as the manager of a hotel." Isabella says. "I thought you knew."

 

"No I did not." Mei says, glaring at her. "It's not enough that you're an RSC alumni, you've done Dr Who? Right, that's it, I'm now going to sulk."

 

Isabella protests, grinning "Hey, it's not my fault, I'm just lucky."

 

"Lucky? Lucky? That is not lucky, that is jammy git, you muppet." Mei sulks.

 

"Oh, it's like that, is it?" Isabella says, then sticks out her tongue. "In that case: Nah-nah-nah-nah."

 

Angel leans her chin on her hand. "Now you're just rubbing it in. Please stop that in public, it's getting close to torment."

 

"I have pictures on set. With Matt Smith." Isabella continues.

 

Mei puts her hands over her ears. "Stop that!"

 

"And I've met Steven Moffat." She continues. Mei whimpers.

 

Simon's looking bemused. "Okay, I've seen a bit of Dr Who, it's kind of funny...?"

 

Gavin pats him on the shoulder. "We'll teach you about it properly some time. Essentially, biggest show in the UK, and most actors would kill to be on it. Matt Smith is the current Doctor and Steven Moffat is the mad genius showrunner. Even if you don't love it, your nieces and nephews would never speak to you again if you refused a part on it, and it's responsible for turning some relatively innocuous things into nightmare figures."

 

"...Like?" Simon asks, eyeing Isabella, who's now humming the theme tune at Mei to make her sulk even more.

 

"Children in gas masks." Gavin replies. "But one of the worst is statues of angels."

 

"Statues of angels." Simon says in disbelief.

 

"We'll show you Blink and then you can talk." Angel shrugs.

 

\----

 

Sitting in the make-up trailer. Drew is frowning as he rubs a towel over his feet, getting the last of the water droplets off after cleaning them. "So how precisely are we doing my feet?"

 

Helen the prosthetics master fumbles in the box next to her. "Well, it's not hobbit feet, you're lucky there."

 

"Considering it's only treads on the base of my feet in the comics, I should hope not." He points out. "Reminds me, did they settle whether or not I'll be wearing contacts at any point?"

 

"Think they'll do the first rushes, then see." Helen says. "They can convert a few bits and if it gets picked up they'll decide. It's not a big enough thing that it'll make much of a difference during normal scenes. i think it's more likely if they want you interacting with the city. Like, your eyes flare red when you're doing magic. Like in Merlin."

 

"Yeah, that works." Drew says. "they were supposed to be red all the time when Stormwatch started, but it just wasn't that noticeable in the Authority colouring given how much of it's done in firelight or explosions."

 

Helen finishes rummaging, then pulls a box out of the shelf marked 'Jack's feet'. "Suppose we should be glad you're not playing someone with complex costuming. Isabella just accepts she's just this weird half-android thing and doesn't have much in the way of opinion aside from 'I'd like to be able to move in it and can the headdress be not so heavy'."

 

"Blame the casting director." Drew grins. "They're the one that cast two fanboys. And then weep for the part of costuming that has to deal with Ross and his opinions on Midnighter's costume."

 

"I think the last whimpered scream from Leroy's department was 'buckles'." Helen says. "Okay, put your feet up, I need to coat them with goo."

 

drew makes a face. "Really?"

 

"They have to stay on while you're running and doing acrobatics." Helen says, applying the glue to the base of his feet and toes. "Camera's going to see the base of your and Apollo's feet the most, and he's wearing shoes."

 

"....Bollocks." drew says, grimacing at the feel of the goo, then flinching as she waves a hairdryer at them. "Still, at least it's not on my face."

 

"Oh yeah, theatre boy. What did you do?"

 

"Beast in Beauty and the Beast. Not including a whole bunch of panto." Drew twitches as she applies the pieces of rubber to the base of his feet and toepads. "Please tell me I'm not going to get a rash."

 

"As long as you've not got a latex allergy, we're fine." Helen comments. "And you should definitely know about that if you've had to wear prosthetics on your face. Face skin is way more sensitive than feet."

 

"True." Drew says, lifting up one of his feet and twisting it up to get a look. "Huh. Not bad. So make-up on top to make them blend as well? Going to be a bit weird."

 

"I'm envisioning middle of an action scene, they call 'Cut!' and make-up converges on your feet for touch-ups." Helen says. "never mind your face, it's all about how fab your feet look."

 

"Hmm. How long do you estimate they'll take to dry properly?" Drew asks.

 

"Half an hour, probably. that's what these tests are for." Helen says. "But you're going to have to wear them at all times since we don't know what angle they'll be wanting or how obvious these'll be from the side."

 

First test. Helen and one of the producers are standing watching, taking notes. "Okay, Test one of Jack Hawksmoor's feet grips." Finty the cameraman says. "Annnd.... Strut."

 

"I am not competing on Britain's Next Top Model." Drew objects.

 

"Shush. Sashay. Miss Tyra is watching. Be *fierce*." Finty admonishes.

 

Drew walks along the floor. "Not bad, seems to be okay."

 

"Problem being that walking isn't all they need to hold up under." Theo the producer says. "Finty, test two."

 

"Test Two. Running." Finty says. "Run, Forrest, Run!"

 

"One day we're going to come up with a better phrase for it..." Helen says, shaking her head as Drew takes off down the studio floor. when he gets back, he stops decently. "Huh. what's the support like? I could market these for the barefoot running people."

 

"Bugger all support, but they're not too skiddy. And I think the barefoot running people wouldn't have the patience to stand around for ages waiting for this to dry." Drew points out.

 

"It might work, you never know. Just have to accelerate the glue." Helen says, crouching down to check how well the glue's holding up. "seems okay, there's no peeling."

 

"I'm just dreading what solvents you're going to use to remove it." drew says.

 

"Cross my heart and promise no blistering." Helen says.

 

"Right, final test." Theo says. "Finty, test three."

 

"Annnnd... final test. The acrobatics." Finty says. "Imagine you're one of JLS. Flip for all you're worth."

 

"Can't I be part of Zoo nation?" Drew complains.

 

"Whatever floats your boat." Finty says. "Now flip and jump."

 

Drew takes a breath, then flips, frowning slightly on landing. "Not a great landing. Need more grip." Jumps up and does a spinning kick. "Argh! Less grip! Less grip! I don't need the ankle equivalent of whiplash!"

 

"Er, because those totally make sense." Helen says. "Which one?"

 

"Not as sticky." Drew says, going into a jump and roll, then a one-hand handstand. then a cartwheel. Then a complex set of jazz steps.

 

Finty speaks up. "Krumping is not going to test the feet prosthetics, and I've seen far better."

 

"Bugger. but it's fun." Drew grins, changing it into a quickstep, head held high.

 

"For our next request, can we have cell block tango?" Helen asks.


	4. Chapter 4

Standing around a room. Everyone's spread about while Angel paces back and forth with a prop cigarette, checking over her lines. "What's the problem?" Drew asks, tilting his head back.

 

"Giving orders while sounding like I know what I'm talking about." Angel says, distracted. "And I have to be pissed off."

 

"So imagine you're telling us precisely what we did wrong. And channel your last dance captain." Drew grins.

 

"Oh, *him*. Right, you 'orrible lot..." Angel starts.

 

"No drill sergeants!" Isabella yells.

 

"...that's a drill sergeant?" Ross asks.

 

"In a minute she's going to be really sarcastic, strangely humorous and call us girls." Mei says, stretching her arms along the back of the sofa. "Trust me, you can tell a drill sergeant from a mile away."

 

"What's with the accent?" Ross asks. "I've watched a lot of Brit tv, and I've never heard anyone talk like that."

 

"that's because you haven't watched the right tv. There is a drill sergeant accent, voice, and manner, and drill sergeants take pride in it." Mei says. "One of my mates' uncles was a drill sergeant, and he sounded exactly like that."

 

"We need to take them to War Horse." Drew says. "Got a good one in that."

 

Green Screen rehearsal time. "Oh christ, how do i do this?" Angel asks. "Is now a good time for a panic attack?"

 

Isabella pats her on the shoulder. "Ignore it and think of Chekov."

 

"How is that good advice?" angel asks.

 

"You're supposed to be staring out the windows at this bloody cherry tree orchard, it's not there, it's a metaphor, but it's still real." Isabella does jazz hands. "Imagination. Or possibly your old mime classes."

 

"Um. Is now a good time to point out that i never went to drama school?" Angel says. "I just took dance and singing classes and started getting jobs in my early teens."

 

"Hmm. May be a problem." Isabella says. "Okay, this is panto. it's all panto. You're the very pissed off Fairy Godmother."

 

"I've heard about panto." Simon says when they're taking a break. "Do I want to know or is it just that scary?"

 

"Just that scary." Gavin grins. "Don't worry your pretty head about it."

 

"I'm not pretty." Simon grumbles.

 

Everyone blinks. Ross creases up. "Dude, you are totally pretty. Apollo is pretty. they filtered for pretty during the casting calls."

 

Mei leans over and pats him on the head. "Just console yourself with the thought that if acting doesn't work out, you can model. Or become a trophy husband."

 

The sets are finally perfected. Isabella walks round the carrier set. "Oh. My. God. I get to fondle this? It's so... shiny."

 

Gemma grins. "Well, it's not quite the Trek set but we try."

 

"You have working screens? Really? How do you have working screens?" Isabella squeals, then pauses. "Um. is that one really playing Angry Birds?"

 

Gemma coughs "...Maybe? We figured it'd be a funny inside joke."

 

"You are evil and will cause the accountants and copyright wranglers massive, massive headaches." Isabella says.

 

Everyone walks onto the Carrier set for the first scene together, make-up finally having let them go. Something about choosing this scene first because it's just talking and they can see how al the costumes look against the set with the lighting to see what they need to tweak. Drew straightens his suit cuffs. "Ah, the new plan for world domination - an Authority worth sleeping with."

 

Ross grins. "Ah, but I was almost unbearably beautiful, Jack." He says, tucking his hands into his pockets.

 

Angel groans. "No Stormwatch quotage. No Stormwatch quotage allowed. None."

 

"It's the fact that you can recognise it that should worry you." Drew smirks. 

 

"I had to read the stuff to get a handle on Jenny, you know that perfectly well." Angel groans.

 

"All right, Isabella, give us a twirl." Gavin says. Isabella spins slowly, the wire dreads flaring out. "You sure you can move properly with that headdress? It's not going to give you a crick in the neck?"

 

"Nah, they managed to make it pretty light and secure." She grins. "Though they say that if we get picked up for a series, they'll add LEDs and see if they can get them to do morse just to fuck with people."

 

"You and the set designers and prop people are beginning to have a very, very scary relationship." Angel says.

 

Mei is happily going "Happy. Happy. Wiiiiiiiings."

 

"...Do we need to sit on her?" Drew asks. "How is she even walking with those on?"

 

"Learn to stumble down Cardiff high street when drunk in stilettos and you can handle any weight ratio, love." Mei says. "Wiiiiings. Also a very good harness. And when they activate the remote control on the other lot they move. Actual moving, flapping wings. Wiiiings."

 

"At some point she's going to need to start acting." Angel says dryly.

 

"Let her have her moment." Simon says.

 

"Wiiiiiiings." Mei burbles happily.

 

"But in the meantime, let's try and get used to Angel being blond." Simon adds.

 

Angel cringes. "I hate you all, and you will wipe this entire concept from your brains."

 

"It's not bad." Gavin shrugs.

 

"I hate being blonde. Hatehatehate." She mutters.

 

"And it'll be recorded for all the world to see." Drew grins. "Cheer up, you've at least got the right skin tone so you don't look like you've been fried a la Lohan."

 

Simon reaches up and rubs across the back of his neck. "I'm just glad they didn't put me in a wig, too. I have no idea how you girls cope with hair on the back of your neck on a regular basis."

 

"Stubble on the back of the neck is horrible." Isabella says.

 

"Speak for yourself." Mei says, tweaking a bit of her pixie cut. "Some of us have the bone structure for it."

 

"See we've stopped going 'wiiiiings', then." Gavin says dryly.

 

"I may do it later." Mei says. "You'd do it too if you were given some."

 

Ross and Simon are sitting in a room, going over the scene where they talk about this being insane. Ross scrubs his hand through his hair. "Trying to do the 'been together five years' thing is always so fucking difficult."

 

Laura shrugs. "Well, you two did at least partly get cast on the basis of chemistry. You can do it. Just bitch at each other. Or watch Drew and Angel."

 

"I've played part of a couple before, but they were normally problem couples. Closed off and bitter. Or just starting out." Ross complains. "And they weren't ex-military either, that does whole other weird things to your body language."

 

Simon rolls his eyes. "Just come here, will you?" He says, grabbing Ross and pulling him over so he's nearly sitting on him, and holds him there like that.

 

Laura grins. "I like it. Okay, now you just have to imagine you do this every day. You completely ignore the other person putting a hand on you because it's normal. doesn't matter if it's military, that's how you act with other people."

 

"Okay, that works. So we're walking down the corridor, I'm bitching and you're saying shut the fuck up, dear, like you've heard this so many times you could do it in your sleep...." Ross muses, making notations on the script. "Yeah, that works."


	5. Chapter 5

_Collider_

 

HBO Orders 10 Episodes of THE AUTHORITY - Based on Warren Ellis' and Bryan Hitch's Graphic Novel.

 

HBO has picked up The Authority for a full season and ordered 9 additional episodes on top of the already shot pilot. Based on Warren Ellis' and Bryan Hitch's graphic novel published by Wildstorm/DC. The Authority will start shooting this April in London at Pinewood Studios with additional filming on location and the season will air in spring. It's co-produced by the UK channel Sky, which also co-produced Game of Thrones. The cast includes Angel Harker, Isabella Garcia, Gavin Detori, Mei Jones, Ross Hunter, Simon Kowalski and Drew Shipley.

 

Here's how THR describes the series:

 

> The action-packed tale of a set of superheroes who decide to form a team to handle the world-spanning (alien or homegrown) threats that other superhero teams aren't equipped to deal with.

 

This is a really interesting one. HBO's previously shown it can handle hard medieval fantasy (Game of Thrones), vampires (True Blood), historical drama (Rome) and cowboys (DeadWood), but superheroes? Honest-to-god superheroes? In recent years, we've had Heroes on NBC and Smallville on CW. Wonder Woman never made it past the pilot stage. Superheroes in full spandex (or armoured rubber body suit) are a serious money maker at the box office, but so far they've shied away from full costume on the small screen. it'll be interesting to see how this goes. Warren Ellis is the writer of the box office hit RED about retired CIA assassins that starred Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Karl Urban and John Malkovich.

 

_Bleeding Cool_

 

THE AUTHORITY'S BEEN PICKED UP FOR A FULL SEASON!

 

You remember how we reported that Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch's The Authority had been optioned for a pilot by HBO, starring Robin Hood's Angel Harker as Jenny Sparks? It's been picked up for a full ten episodes, so clearly they're doing something right.

 

First picture below of the interior of the Carrier with The Engineer working away at it, and it is *pretty*. We approve.

 

blahdiblah writes:

...I've just had a thought. A whole bunch of unsuspecting tv people are going to be exposed to Jenny. Can we pity them now?

 

Canarystyle writes:

Okay, now I'm seriously nervous. On the one hand: HBO. On the other: tv vs my fave comic series EVER. At what point are we allowed to make sacrifices to the great and mighty Internet Jesus?

 

HitchFan writes:

Is there any word on what story they're going with? Or whether they're using any storylines from the comic at all?

 

_ONTD_

 

HBO IS ACTUALLY DOING A SERIES ON SUPERHEROES

 

The Authority got picked up for a full season. Time alone will tell if it's a clusterfuck. Big ship. Powers. World-threats. Gay Superman and Batman. Bitchy sarcastic alcoholic Brits. Advance hints about the pilot say although it's described as 'Farscape meets Torchwood' the gay stuff is more toned down than Torchwood due to the gay World's Finest twosome being more old married couple than a Time Agent who could be done for a sexual harassment suit without even opening his mouth.

 

First released picture of the interior of the big-ass spaceship they operate from. The character in front of it is The Engineer (Isabella Garcia).

 

Gweeky

OOOOOO. SHINY.

>Heelboy

Meh. Looks like every console I've ever seen from Star Trek onwards.

 

NastaMouse

Is there a higher res pic of this? I really want to see what Angie's costume looks like besides the fibre-optic dreads. Glad they went with the metallic look, though.

 

Ricemonkey

WANNA SEE APOLLO AND MIDNIGHTER

>Fengal

here, let me fix that for you:

WANNA SEE APOLLO AND MIDNIGHTER SHIRTLESS

>>Meekat

I APPROVE OF THIS NOTION

SHIRTLESS APOLLO AND MIDNIGHTER FOR ALL

 

Skyfall

I still say this is going to be a massive clusterfuck. Superheroes no-one's ever heard of? At least most people had actually heard of Game of Thrones.

>HillenKeene

only the people who'd entered a bookshop. Most of the people I knew who watched GoT had no idea about the ending.

 

BlueHawaii

Oh christ, if they fail in portraying Jenny properly I am going to be *so* pissed off.

 

Sparksgal

image: Jenny Sparks looking pissed off. 'I refuse to wear one of those spandex body condoms. i don't have the tits for it.'

>Wingthing

A+++++1 I APPROVE OF THIS POST

>Heelio

DITTO

 

_ONTD_AUTHORITY_

 

This is the ONTD community for all your gossip and news needs for the HBO series based on Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch's comic.

 

@AngelHarker

Greenlit! Oh yes. Now excuse me, I have to sit on @ShipDrew before he explodes in fanboy glee.

 

@AngelHarker

when other people say their other halves are bouncing off the ceiling, they're not dating dancer -martial artist -acrobats. :goes to get net:

 

@ShipDrew

GREENLIT OMG OMG I'm playing a @WarrenEllis character. :thud:

 

@RossHunter01

WHAT @ShipDrew SAID. I CAN DIE HAPPY.

 

@Zoommei

You can all fuck off. I have WINGS.

 

@Gavster

@Zoommei Are you going to say anything else?

 

@Zoommei

@Gavster WINGS WINGS WINGS WIIIIIIIINGS.

 

@StreetcarJr

All the commentary about Apollo I can find seems to be wanting my shirt off. Should I be worried?

 

@RossHunter01

@StreetcarJr It's all right, I'll protect you from the fangirls.

 

@StreetcarJr

@RossHunter01 Apollo = Superman. I can protect myself.

 

@BellaGarcia

@StreetcarJr Speaking as the only person in lycra on set, I propose the Miss Piggy manoeuvre.

 

@StreetcarJr

@BellaGarcia Karate chop? Yeah, I'm down with that. :eyes @RossHunter01:

 

@RossHunter01

:sulks: @StreetcarJr is impugning my manhood.

 

@WarrenEllis

Yes, The Authority has been greenlit as a series. Watch it, my children. Or Jenny will get you in your sleep.

 

_Screenrant_

 

So, everyone's heard about HBO's new big show, The Authority? Got a bit more information on the characters for all those who haven't read the comic - and some questions we asked the actors at the photocall. Video below the cut.

 

First up, the character sheet:

 

Jenny Sparks: the spirit of the 20th Century. Controls electricity. Been fighting for a better world all her life.

Jack Hawksmoor : The God of the Cities. Evolved to live in the cities.

The Engineer, Angela Spica : Scientist who replaced her blood with nine pints of nanobots.

The Doctor : The shaman.

Swift : Shen Li-Min. The Winged Huntress.

Midnighter : Engineered to win every fight before he's fought it.

Apollo : The Sun God

 

Video:

 

Interviewer: "So, how would you describe this show?"

 

Everyone points at Drew and Ross. "Ask the fanboys."

 

"Really fanboys?" The interviewer asks.

 

Ross rubs his arm and grins. "Comics, man. they're awesome. I discovered Warren Ellis and never looked back."

 

"Yeah, same here." Drew says. "I got warped in my teens and I'm not sorry."

 

Ross scratches his arm again. "The Authority is... well, someone once described it as Farscape meets Torchwood, but that's only because we have a gay couple." he pauses. "And the rampant orgy involving the sex pollen and the possession by a bisexual alien and the long extended periods in Cardiff."

 

"And Jenny keeps appearing in an RAF greatcoat." Drew adds. "The costumers refuse to explain that one, considering Jenny was only ever in the secret service end of the army..."

 

"So, how would you describe your characters?" the interviewer asks.

 

Simon fiddles with an earring. "Well, Apollo and Midnighter were the first gay superhero couple in comics. Got a lot to live up to. Apollo is basically a giant solar battery. Like Superman, only more sun god like."

 

"Also prettier." Ross grins.

 

"Ignore him, you'll only encourage him." Simon says, pushing him in the head.

 

Mei puts her hands together in classic Mr Burns pose and taps her fingers together. "Mwhahaha. Wings. Mwhahahaha."

 

Gavin puts his hand over his face. "We haven't been able to get anything else out of her since she put the costume on. Did you even look at the script?"

 

"Wings." Mei says, folding her arms.

 

"The character?" He asks.

 

"Wings." She nods firmly.

 

"Can you tell the nice journalist what the story is?"

 

"Wings?" She asks.

 

He gives her a look. "Mei, what's two plus two?"

 

Mei counts on her fingers, and thinks for a bit, before answering. "Wings."

 

The interviewer coughs. "well, I think we got her opinion on it pretty firmly. Gavin?"

 

Gavin grins. "The Doctor is basically the shaman of the world. got plugged into the consciousness of the world by accident and now half the world is inside his head. He can see how you change things, which is magic."

 

Angel rolls her eyes. "General consensus is that he did way too much pot and went out the other side." She gets elbowed by Drew. "Oi, stop that!"

 

"I'm allowed as Official Fanboy." Drew replies.

 

"You are so not getting dinner tonight." angel retorts.

 

"Sorry, who does the cooking in our house?" Drew asks. "Anyway, your turn to answer."

 

"Okay, okay, slavedriver." Angel says. "Jenny Sparks was born on the stroke of midnight in 1900 and she can electrocute you from the other side of the country. She's been fighting for a better world against all the weirdness all her life, and now she's running a team to deal with all the really effing massive stuff no-one else can." Angel pokes Drew in the arm. "Okay, you can squee now."

 

Drew bounces in his seat. The interviewer coughs. "...Did you just bounce?"

 

He bounces again. "I'm playing a Warren Ellis character and my character's description is 'God of the Cities'. I can talk to and manipulate cities to my will. tell me how that's not awesome. I'm *allowed* to bounce."

 

"And from the fanboy in the red corner..." Angel says, pointing at Ross.

 

Ross smirks."Midnighter is Batman if Batman had been given enhancements to become the ultimate fighter and wasn't screwed up by childhood trauma." Pauses. "And had managed to bag this." He says, looping his arm around Simon.

 

"Lick my ear again, I kill you." Simon says.

 

"Shy about PDA." Ross sighs. "Isn't he cute."

 

"I have no problem with PDA, I just have a problem with you licking my ear." Simon replies.

 

The interviewer coughs again. "Um. Isabella?"

 

Isabella shrugs. "The Engineer replaced all her blood with liquid machinery. Do you know how many toys she can create just with a thought?" She grins. "Tony Stark, eat your heart out."

 

_ONTD_Authority_

 

Video. Cast video. OMG Cast video.

 

I just... *flails*. WATCH THIS.

 

kick_ass

Must... resist... urge... to... ship Ross and Simon.

...Who am I kidding. SHIPPING SO HARD.

>Fengirl

It's not like they're all over each other and handsy or... oh. wait.

 

Amyboo

:raises hand: I confess I would totally have Mei's reaction if I landed that role. WIIIIINGS.

>Leeloo

Fly, my pretties, fly!

 

Darkrumba

I have this urge to ship Jenny and Jack after watching Drew and Angel. And yeah, i find it totally cute that he cooks.

>Danman

Pretty sure you can plausibly argue that all of the Authority have shagged at one time or another, aside from Apollo and Midnighter.

>Magrette

Jenny is the queen of drunken shags. there's your excuse.


	6. Chapter 6

Rabia blows a sharp puff of air into her fringe. "Right, we got picked up. Time to dig out those notes, gentlemen."

 

Mark groans. "Are you sure we can't just commit hara-kiri now? What made us think we could write a superhero show? Or even make one work?"

 

"Hubris and the fact that you went 'guys, guys, tell me you've read this comic'." Rabia says. "You brought it on yourself. Then went and begged for the chance to prove we could do it."

 

"Foolish." He moans. "I was foolish. And we have a hyperactive stuntman who could quite literally gut me in an artistic and crowd pleasing way who can and will be keeping an eye on us if we get his beloved favourite author wrong."

 

"You're not afraid of the one who's playing supposedly one of the scarier costumed crime-fighters out there?" Greg asks idly.

 

"Ross Hunter, muscled though he is, cannot wield very large shiny and above all sharp pieces of metal with precision. Especially not two at once." mark says, poking dolefully at his ipad. "And when he's done with that, he wouldn't be able to tap-dance on my remains." More poking. "Also, Ross doesn't have a girlfriend who can shoot me full of holes from a distance of a football field. So yes, I'm more scared of Drew."

 

Rabia looks amused. "You'd think you'd be more frightened of the producers."

 

"The producers can only fire me and blacken my name. Those two can do permanent and lasting damage to my body at the drop of a hat." marks says, sighing some more.

 

Rabia puts her fingers up and rubs them together in a 'world's smallest violin gesture'. "Poor Mark. Years in the industry, years going up against cut-throats and other such Hollywood beings with a skin as thick as a rhino's, and now he's afraid of offending two specialists in medieval weaponry who can also knock out a Broadway tune. Suppose you should be glad you were too young to work on Highlander."

 

"Now that's just being mean."

 

First day back on set. Laura claps her hands. "Right, boys and girls, we made magic, and better than that, we made a pilot good enough to convince the HBO money men that we had enough awesome to earn a full season. By, I should note, working our asses off and me making the Second Unit Director my bitch. Now. Places, everyone, and everyone who's not Angel, Mei or Simon, shut your traps." Pause. "Simon, get your best nag on."

 

"My best nag?" Simon asks, getting into place with Angel so they can do a walking shot as the others get to their marks.

 

"Yep." Laura replies, getting into place behind the cameraman "And Angel, best eyeroll."

 

"It's like you've delved into my entire school career..." She murmurs.

 

"Only your school career?" Mei asks.

 

"Shush, you." Angel says, shifting her shoulders and slouching while Simon smoothes his top down.

 

The clapperboard gets whapped. "Scene two, Take one."

 

Angel and Simon start walking, Simon starts up in a nagging tone, gesturing to emphasise. "Which brings me back to Gamorra Island..."

 

Angel groans and rubs her jaw, exasperated and says in her most aggrieved tone "Oh, will you shut up about Gamorra Island, you moaning ponce?"

 

Simon just continues, keeping his face the same, clearly ignoring the last bit. "What are we going to do about that forcefield around it?"

 

Angel makes an annoyed sound, walking a bit faster to get ahead of Simon, and Mei steps up to catch her, bumping her shoulder and saying in a quiet, amused tone "hasn't he stopped about that yet?"

 

Angel sighs, slightly put upon, but more than half fond "It's like working with me bleedin' mum or something."

 

"Annnnd... cut." Laura says. "Okay, let's try that again, this time, though, camera two, slightly closer in on Angel and Mei's faces for the first shot of them together." she turns to Simon. "turn the gesturing down a notch, okay, but only a notch. Keep your wrists locked a bit more."

 

"Not such floppy wrists, darling." Gavin grins.

 

"You can talk, Gav, you're the one who was putting on a full Kenneth Williams performance at the pub last night." Angel says, blowing a bit of hair from her wig out of her face.

 

he sniffs. "This is no parquet floor."

 

Simon shakes his head. "And I'm the one playing the gay character. do you Brits never stop doing impressions of ageing queens?"

 

"It's bona, darling, simply bona." Gavin replies.

 

Laura eyes him. "Stop performing and act, you lot. Christ, I thought brit slang was impenetrable enough and then you bring on a whole 'nother language."

 

"Stick around, there's always panto." Mei replies, straightening the waistband on her leggings while Pippa shoves a few feathers out of place on her wings to make her look more like she's just walked in from outdoors. theoretically they've all just walked onto the Carrier through giant teleport doors.

 

"Will you guys ever stop threatening us with that?" Laura asks. "It's kid's christmas entertainment, how bad can it be?"

 

"You haven't heard the stories." Simon replies, twitching.

 

"Oh, panto is nothing to be sniffed at, boss." Pippa murmurs as she tweaks one more feather fractionally out of place. "It's batshit insane, is what it is."

 

"I've seen youtube clips. They assure me that that's nothing." Simon says, resisting the urge to scrub at the back of his hair because he's been threatened with an eyeliner pencil up the nose if he touches his hair unless choreographed during studio scenes. He really does wish they'd let him have a semi buzzcut, but he'd been sharply told that 'Apollo is no longer a squaddie'. He thinks that means GI, but he's just going to take it as something his character *definitely isn't anymore*.

 

"Whatever." Laura says dismissively. "Places, people. Gavin, stop making... whatever those gestures are just out of my eyeline, I can see you. I have eyes in the back of my head."

 

"That would be the 'follow the bouncing ball' gesture." Mei says helpfully, shooing Pippa away. "On the songsheet."

 

Laura blinks. "You mean it's actually clean and not some sort of antiquated gay code?"

 

"Yep." Gavin says. "though we can start providing the antiquated code if you want."

 

Laura glares at him. "Don't you dare. Okay, places everyone. Simon, tone down the gesturing a fraction. Annnnd... go."

 

"Scene two, take two."

 

"...working with me bleedin' mum sometimes." Angel says on the monitor, smiling fondly at Mei.

 

Laura taps her lip with her phone. "Okay, just checking. Do we want to put out the Shen- Jenny hints this early? It's only the second episode. remind me, when's the first time we get a definite that they're sleeping together?"

 

Mark flips to his relationship notes page. "I think the first time we get real absolute is episode six or so, but then it's meant to be read as a close relationship with shen and jack as her rocks, so they could've been shagging on and off for ages if that's the way you wanted to read it." He looks back up at the monitor. "Course, we can always be doing this just to fuck with the shippers."

 

"Fucking with the shippers is *necessary*." Drew says from where he's loitering nearby as he's not in this scene.

 

"Says the man who was on the show where they specialised in fucking with them by making everything canon." Mark says.

 

"Actually, most of that's law on saturday night tv on the beeb, especially gay stuff." Drew grins. "But back to the comic, you can pretty much plausibly argue that all the Authority have shagged at one time or another. Aside from Apollo and Midnighter. And Jenny Sparks specialises in drunken shags."

 

"So... yeah, guess keeping it works." Mark says.

 

@AngelHarker

For your delectation: @shipDrew left hanging while the cameramen went to get a cuppa. yfrog.com/jsdhlDUHB34

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Set Reports

 

First day of shooting

 

The scale of this place is unbelievable. Giant grey screens for walls since the Carrier is supposed to be all windows, which they're going to change to a different picture each episode, as the Carrier is a ship going through the different realms on the edge fo the universe. We're on Episode II, Laura's directing, Marco's shooting.

 

Midnighter (Ross Hunter) is running down the corridor after seeing to The Doctor (Gavin Detori) after he's got back on the Carrier to recover post-fight. It's quite, quite mad and Midnighter is grinning because he's got the formation of a plan in his head. We're hitting the ground running in Pinewood. Earlier Jenny Sparks (Angel Harker) was making comments about Apollo being a nag as the team worked out how to defend LA. Seriously. Talking about how to defend Los Angeles. How is this my life?

 

Isabella sips her tea thoughtfully. They don't do her mouth until she's required on set and do touch-ups anyway the minute she goes anywhere *near* a camera, so she never worries about hot drinks. "So how's the flat sharing working out?"

 

The studio had put Ross and Simon in a flat in zone two for the six months of shooting estimated, since they were the only main cast who didn't already have their own accommodation in the London area. The producers had also cheerfully pointed out that it would increase their familiarity, and thus would be good for the characters. Everyone else pointed out that enforced proximity could equally lead to them attempting to kill each other. The producers then came back, just as cheerfully, with the point that they could go through the stress of trying to find affordable accommodation in a decent location in London at this short notice. Simon and Ross took the flat.

 

Simon shrugs. "We haven't killed each other yet."

 

Ross grins. "Time will tell. The tech crew has odds on me snapping first due to my brain overheating in the Midnighter costume."

 

"He's got a point." Isabella says. "The question is how long people would take to notice that it's me in the Jenny wig if I swapped with Angel."

 

"well, there is a pretty easy test." Ross points out. "You haven't been known to randomly go into duets, and you definitely can't do complex dance moves when pissed."

 

"plus there's the lack of really scary muscle groups that appear when you flex your arms in a certain way." Simon adds. "I've got a mate who's a drummer, his arms just look well-toned until he twirls the stick and these ... things appear. Angel has muscles like that." He turns to Ross. "It's a pity we couldn't check Orlando Bloom's arms during that LOTR marathon last weekend. Maybe if we...?"

 

"I am *not* sitting through Troy for anyone, dude." Ross replies. "Not even watching Sean Bean vs Brian Cox."

 

Isabella sniggers. "Well, you're getting there, at least."

 

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Overheard on set:

 

'You and whose little goblin army?'

 

'Clean-up on aisle three.'

 

'Where's a manicurist when you need one? One that can deal with three inch long nails?'

 

'Would getting stoned help my performance? I'm willing to try for the sake of science.'

 

'Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies.'

 

'Camera 3, we need a better shot on Clone number 5's flying teeth. Drew, if you could hit him again?'

 

Pub.

 

Drew comes back with his round, distributes the drinks and sits back down next to Angel, putting an arm along the banquet above her shoulders. "All right, in the interests of team bonding, cheesiest chat up lines you've ever had directed at you."

 

Isabella sips on her wine, thinking, then grins. "Oh, I know. I had the 'was your dad an astronomer' one once."

 

Simon nearly chokes on his drink, and Ross bangs him on the back a few times. "You're kidding. Ross, you can stop that now."

 

"But it makes a nice sound. I'm thinking of recording it as a sample." Ross says in an innocent tone.

 

"I didn't think anyone used that one outside the eighties." Simon says.

 

Isabella traces the lip of her glass. "Swear to god. Me, his mate and the barman couldn't stop laughing because we kept setting each other off. And then he tried to *explain* it..."

 

Mei shakes her head. "Wow. Me...um...."

 

Gavin leans forward. "While she's thinking, I would like it witnessed by all and sundry that little miss Jones here once fell on me at the Comedy Awards, completely pissed, and when we got her the right way up, she tried to kiss me on the cheek, missed, aimed for my ear and declared 'Get your coat, luv, you've pulled'."

 

Mei groans. "I don't remember that at all, it can't have happened."

 

Gavin raises his pint in salute. "And yet everyone else who was there remembers it word for word."

 

Isabella slow claps her. "Classy, Mei, verrrrry classy. Okay, Drew?"

 

Drew raises an eyebrow. "You look like you could use a hand scrubbing your back." He says.

 

"...Where were you, the gym?" Ross asks.

 

"Nope, the Robin Hood set." Drew replies, taking a sip from his pint.

 

"Soooo, gossips want to know, who was it?" Mei asks.

 

Angel just replies with "Hey, it worked."

 

Mei's head snaps to her. "You mean you used it on him?"

 

"He'd just been in a fight that was closer to mud-wrestling with swords, it was the first thing that popped into my head." Angel shrugs.

 

"No it didn't." Drew corrects her. "What worked was getting drunk later that evening and Liam yelling 'will you two snog already, it's been a week and it's doing my head in'."

 

@Gavster

yfrog.com/SHAYI23uifh @zoommei has discovered the 007 cars. We told her that if she ruins the wax with her drooling she has to pay for it.

 

@zoommei

So pretty... so fast... such engines.... :starry eyes:

 

@gavster

Nurse! @zoommei's gone again!

 

Simon's eating his lunch thoughtfully when a cat - well, more a half-grown kitten - twines around his ankles. "Oh, hello, where did you come from?" Simon asks. By the time he's finished his sandwich, the kitten's managed to get on his lap and he's scritching it between the ears.

 

Delroy from costuming stops by, and pets the kitten. "Looks like you've made a friend."

 

"Yeah, he kind of attacked and ended up in my lap." Simon replies. "Any idea whose he is?"

 

"One of the Pinewood cats." delroy says. "They occasionally pop out a litter, someone ends up taking one home."

 

"Hmm." Simon says. "So if I..."

 

"It's a cat." Delroy says. "Your furniture's funeral, bruv."

 

After enquiring around a bit, Simon determines that the kitten is indeed up for grabs and an owner, so when his bit of filming is done for the day, he takes it back to the flat, stopping to get some food and litter at the tesco metro near the tube station.

 

Ross gets back to the flat around 1am, yawning. he'd been filming an alley scene on another sound stage from Simon, something where Midnighter was perfecting his lurk and loom out of the darkness. He closes the front door behind him, dumps his bag and coat, kicks off his shoes - that got sorted out pretty quickly, Simon having yelled at him the first few times he didn't take his shoes off - walks into the kitchen, getting a glass from the cupboard and running the tap. He's about to take a swig when there's an inquisitive 'mew?' behind him in the dark of the kitchen.

 

It's a miracle he doesn't end up with glass all over the floor. As it is the water ends up going all over him. And he may have let out a not very manly shriek.

 

Which wakes up Simon. Who stumbles in, turning on the light as he rubs his eyes. "What the fuck's with the screaming? I'd only just fucking dropped off."

 

Turning on the light revealed a kitten in the corner of the kitchen, clearly the source of the inquisitive sounding 'mew'. Ross stares at it. "What the fuck is a cat doing in our kitchen?"

 

Simon leans down and pets it. The kitten arches into it. "Picked it up at Pinewood today and it followed me home."

 

"Has it got its shots?"

 

"Getting those as soon as I can."

 

"...toys? Food?"

 

"You're paying for all that."

 

"...I am?" Ross asks, perplexed. "Since when? You're the one who brought it home!"

 

"Since you were the one did that thing to the washing machine that meant we had to call the plumber out on Saturday and pay his emergency rates." Simon says stonily.

 

Ross winces. "Okay, you have a point. I'll pick the stuff up." He pauses. "Er. Does it have a name?"

 

"Not that I'm aware of." Simon replies.

 

"Boy? Girl?"

 

Simon shrugs. "I respect its privacy."

 

@RossHunter01

...we appear to have been adopted by a cat. who has got @StreetcarJr wrapped around his little finger. yfrog.com/AYBigdfy45

 

_fuckyeahrossandsimon.tumblr.com_

 

Oh. My. days. KITTY!

 

image: Simon with a kitten on his shoulder.

 

20 notes

 

waiting4thestars liked this

towthelion reblogged this from fuckyeahrossandsimon

it-am-i liked this

sksk1221 liked this

gallifreygal said: HOW CAN THEY BE THIS CUTE?

 

Isabella is staring at the console between takes, occasionally tapping on the keyboard while they wait for the lighting to be adjusted for the next shot. Drew wanders over, staying out of the way of the tape measures and spools of wires. As he gets closer, he notices that Isabella is occasionally muttering under her breath. "..C'mon, come on... Hah, got you, you little green bastard!"

 

Drew watches for a minute more, stuffing his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. He finds himself doing it a lot more than usual ever since he's been wearing the feet treads for this role. Something about the way they're shaped makes it a pretty satisfying fidgeting mechanism. Then he grins when he finally sees what it is. "How the hell did you get Angry Birds installed on this?" One of the many screens isn't just scrolling code or pictures of space or the earth or insert 24 hour news station here, it's playing Angry Birds. And it appears that the keyboard Isabella's pressing buttons on is controlling it. Now he looks, it seems one of the screens in the bottom left hand corner is playing Futurama.

 

Isabella stops, slightly startled, pauses the game and turns, expression a little sheepish. "The tech crew put it in during the pilot as a joke and added the controls when the series got greenlit. Gives me something to do between takes and I may have played it a few times whilst looking busy in the background. As far as we know the director doesn't know and we're waiting for them to catch on." She raises her finger to her mouth. "So shh."

 

Drew raises his eyebrow. "Doing something. Right." He looks back up at the paused game. "So were you addicted before or after you started on this job?"

 

"I can stop any time." She replies, trying to keep a straight face.

 

"In that case, budge over and let me have a go." Drew says, stepping up to the console and using his hip to knock her to one side.

 

@StreetcarJr

yfrog.com/8e8NSFuh - @AngelHarker doing her best Palpatine.

 

@AngelHarker

@StreetcarJr Your feeble skills are no match for the dark side.

 

"Places everyone..." Laura says. "Ross, look more disgruntled."

 

Ross makes a face. or as much of a one as he can under the mask "I have a problem in that I'm trying and failing."

 

She waves a hand. "Imagine Simon didn't do the dishes or something. And remember, go to slightly embarrassed and very teenage avoidance after the line, since I want to get a shot of your reactions. We'll be shooting it from three angles so we need to switch fast." She turns to where Angel's being given a new partly-smoked cigarette, since the last one burnt down in the last few takes, and it's giving the continuity editors nightmares. As well as making the set constantly smell of menthol. The producers had suggested they could leave it out, but this was shouted down rather quickly as 'Jenny wouldn't be Jenny if she wasn't trying to fuck her lungs up'.

 

Clapperboard goes. "Scene six take four."

 

Everyone's seated around the table, aside from Angel, who's standing on the stairs that lead down to the lower level from the windows that're currently glowing slightly with a green sheen, waiting for post production to put in the graphics of whatever dimension the carrier is supposed to be floating through.

 

Angel goes down two steps, and pauses, directing her attention to Ross. "It also couldn't hurt to kill his forcefield so that conventional forces can take over the situation..." She trails off, taking a drag from her cigarette and blowing out the first breath of smoke, looking irritated. "...The hell with this. I'm not calling you 'Midnighter' all the time. Don't you and Apollo have proper names?"

 

Ross glares at her from his seat and says curtly "No."

 

Angel smirks. "All right, who wants to be Bert and who wants to be Ernie?" There's a pause. At which point she and Ross burst into giggles.

 

Mei follows quickly after, trying to stifle it, ending up having to bite her hand. "Sorry, sorry..."

 

Laura groans and yells "Cut!"

 

Angel tries to recover herself from where she's clinging onto the railing. "I can't help it, Simon twitched his eyebrow!"

 

"You managed the first two takes without bursting into giggles!" Laura growls.

 

"Can't help it, it's a funny line!" Angel says, trying to get her giggles back under control. She takes a deep breath, then another, and points vengefully at Simon. "You. keep your eyebrows under control."

 

"I deny everything, you were seeing things." Simon replies indignantly, crossing his arms.

 

"There was definite eyebrow action going on." Isabella says.

 

"Tattle tale." He grumps.

 

Laura sighs. "If everyone could get back into their places and we could all keep our eyebrows under control? It was decent up to that point." She pauses, scurrying back to where they're going through the rushes quickly on the monitor "...Hold that thought. Rewind two seconds to the close up on Jenny's face?" There's a pause and she nods to herself before coming back out from behind it. "Actually, make the grin more smirky on the Bert and Ernie line. I want closer to evil."

 

"That's not going to be difficult, it's her default mode." Drew supplies, leaning back in his chair.

 

"Can't think what you're talking about, love." Angel replies sweetly, turning and going back up the steps to her starting position for this shot.

 

@ShipDrew

The things @StreetcarJr has to do for his art. yfrog.com/5r6tf8y7F

 

Simon shifts a bit while Leroy tugs the shreds of his shirt into place. "And this is supposed to be a weekly thing."

 

"Yep." Leroy says cheerfully. "Be glad you're superman and don't have to have bruises painted on as well."

 

"Suppose so." Simon says doubtfully. "Do I want to even know why they're bothering with the shreds? The fight's over."

 

"Artistic licence." Leroy replies, before slapping him on the bicep. "There you go, bruv, all done. Now go get 'em." he walks out of shot and picks up a cuppa that's been waiting for him.

 

Ross wolf-whistles from where he and the others are standing waiting on a pile of rubble. "Very nice, Si, will you keep the boots on for me?"

 

Simon sticks a finger up at him. "Fuck off, Ross."

 

"He's supposed to be almost unbearably beautiful already, mate." Drew grins.

 

"I told you bastards, you already exceeded your minimum of Ellis quoting this morning." Angel says, pointing at them with her fag.

 

_ONTD_authority_

 

Dear gods of HBO, we love you and your faithfulness to the comics. REALLY.

 

Pretties below the cut, courtesy of Drew Shipley's twitter:

 

image: Simon Kowalski shading his eyes, squinting into the sun with a pretty well-shredded shirt that's concealing absolutely nothing.

 

LMSunshine:

Huuuuuuuuuge tracts of land.

 

Brassbandmonkey:

We fully support this endeavour.

>Greentoes:

This is not porn. this is ART, Darling.

>Brock20:

<3 <3 <3 the Drew. He understands our needs.

>>Hastabuenavista:

Amount of photos they're tweeting, the entire cast understand our needs. They are a very considerate and well-meaning cast. Now can we have a shot of Drew with his shirt off?

 

On the bit of set that's supposed to be the Gamorra High Command throne room, Motty checks the image coming through. "Okay, if you two could just do a bit of dialogue for me?"

 

Jim gestures mightily with his three inch manicure and strikes a pose. he's been channelling Ming the Merciless all day in his robes. Becky scuttles up to him. he glances behind at her. "What is it, Lieutenant Sebastian?"

 

Becky sighs. "It's just the Rebels, sir. They're here."

 

"My god, man!" Jim says. "Do they want tea?"

 

Becky shakes her head. "No, I think they want something more than that, sir." She pauses, looking nervous. "I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag."

 

Jim taps his lip with one of his nails. "Damn, that's dash cunning of them."

 

Everyone's sniggering. "Absolutely perfect." Motty grins.

 

 

_The-Carrier.net_

 

Overheard on set:

 

'You. Stay there. I have a longbow and I need target practice.'

 

'Bert and Ernie, your cat is not the issue, the scene is!'

 

'Do I want to know what Drew is doing up there? Hiding from the costume department. Right. Makes sense.'

 

'Touch my wings, monkeyboy, I hit you with them. Ever been attacked by a swan? My wings are bigger.'

 

"Bored." Mei sighs.

 

"Bored." Gavin agrees.

 

"Definitely bored." Drew says, as they watch the cameras setting up for a shot. then pauses, looking around. "Oh christ. Where's Angel gone? Angel!"

 

"She went thataway." Amira says, pointing towards the trailers. Drew doesn't stop looking vaguely worried. "She probably just went to the loo."

 

"I always worry about a bored Angel. She's nearly as bad bored these two." He says, gesturing at Simon and Ross.

 

"We're not that bad." Ross says, trying to get his hood into a slightly more comfortable position where it's hanging down the back of his neck.

 

"You're getting there." Drew says. "I can feel it in my toes."

 

Angel comes back whistling cheerfully, holding something, with something over her shoulder. "There she is." Amira says, taking a sip of her tea.

 

Drew turns to look, then catches a glimpse of what she's carrying. "Oh christ no."

 

"What?" Gavin asks. "I can't see what it is from here."

 

When she gets to them, Angel grins, holding up her bags. "Boredom sorted."

 

Drew's getting out of his seat. "Angel, you're not serious. what the hell did you bring that for anyway?"

 

"In case of." She shrugs, unzipping the bags to reveal ... a longbow? and a quiver. She nods in the direction of the soft wall over the other side. "Think that should do for distance, what do you think?"

 

"Don't ask me, I was a knight, I didn't bloody wield bows, they were for peasants as you well know." Drew says as she pulls them out.

 

"...Is that really a proper longbow?" Ross asks.

 

"Yep." Isabella says. "I was in an episode for a tiny role and tried one of them. Nearly killed my shoulder in the process."

 

"Which is why all the fighters are not allowed to play with this as they need to still be able to throw a punch sometime in the next week." Angel says, stringing it. "mei, Isabella, and Gavin may try. the boys are on arrow collection duty." With that she whistles. "Can everyone between me and the end of this corridor please clear a path, I'm going to be shooting deadly projectiles down it!"

 

"...She's not serious?" Motty asks.

 

"A bored Angel is a bad, bad thing." Drew sighs. "You don't live with her."

 

"Okay..." Motty grabs the nearest loudspeaker. "This is the voice of god, please clear a path between the insane actress with a medieval weapon and the building , because I'm not going to be bloody responsible if you get an arrow in your arse!"

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Overheard on set:

 

'Turn shuffle time step!'

 

'Think Ursula, darling. Channel your inner sea-witch.'

 

'More bruises. I want a veritable rainbow of beat-down.'

 

'Tomorrow belongs to me is all very well, but what if you need to explode nazis now?'

 

'the wheel of Hawksmoor... goes spinning a-round....!'

 

In the green screen room, Mei's being hooked up to the flying harness. They're not filming any specific scenes at the moment, so there's been no script learning requirements. However, they do need a lot of flying shots, so it's been decided to get a bunch of them done and then patch them in for whatever fight scene fits.

 

Rory checks through the viewfinder as Mei's winched up to the top of the room, then speaks into the microphone. "Okay, Mei, if you can do a dive on this one? Mouth closed, intent face?"

 

"What position do we want the wings in?" Mei asks, twisting around slightly to settle the harness comfortably.

 

"Sleek and back. Think a hawk dive." Rory replies. "So if you can get into position while the lads play with their toys?"

 

"Vroom." Mei says, shifting her weight and putting her legs out behind her while beside Rory, the lads click a few buttons on what looks for all the world like a slightly more complex PS3 controller, and the giant mechanical wings strapped to Mei's back fold back. "Ready?"

 

"Ready on this end." Sam says, checking the readout as Joely turns on the wind machine.

 

"Okay. Mei, 3..2...1... And release." Rory commands.

 

Sam pulls the lever that releases the lock keeping Mei in place at the top of the hangar the green room's housed in, and Mei comes down towards the camera at speed, halting about two feet from it, face locked into a concentrated expression and body taught.

 

Rory nods. "Annnd... cut. Good one people, can we go again, but adjust the lighting to dimmer?"

 

"Same expression and pose?" Mei asks as they hoist her back.

 

"That'll be brilliant, thanks." Rory says, raising his thumb in approval. He pauses as Han and Kris finish locking her into position and engaging the locks. "And straight after this one, I need a similar but screaming." He checks the list of required shots, which includes a 'be creative' note. "And then a looser one. More vengeful, not quite so perfectly controlled."

 

"Still screaming?" Mei asks."Just in the interests of artisitc integrity."

 

"You love it." Sam replies.

 

This is entirely true. the sound Mei makes as she 'screams' - there's no sound being recorded, it's all purely visuals since any screaming they need'll be put in on post.

 

"Yeah, still screaming." Ross says, checking the shot. "Okay, everyone ready?"

 

Mei comes skidding to a halt during the second screaming shot. Sam gives her a look. "That wasn't screaming. That was you saying 'wheeeeee!' "

 

Mei grins, letting her feet down and waiting for Joely to unhook her so they can set up the next type of flight. Swooping, this time. "I deny absolutely nothing." She reaches up and smooths some of the feathers over her shoulder. "Mine. My wings."

 

"One day you're going to understand that you can't take them home with you, love." Sam comments.

 

"Just you watch me." Mei grins.

 

Rory shakes his head, bemused. "Did you even look at the script before putting your name down for auditions?"

 

Mei whistles innocently. "Nothing to see, move along." She bounces slightly, having somehow figured the precise way to settle the wings into a more comfy position. never mind that they're giant mechanical feather-covered things of doom. She insists that there's a comfy way to wear them and an uncomfy way. "Can I make the 'vroom' sound this time?"

 

Rory shakes his head. "Not for this shot, we need a 'skree'. You can make the Formula one noise on the next one, though."

 

"Squee." Mei replies.

 

Kris leans over when they've hoisted her back up to the ceiling. "We've got Simon in tomorrow for flying shots. Chances we won't have to forcibly pry him out of the harness?"

 

"Pretty high." Rory says, eyeing Mei, who's swaying her hips and kicking her legs a bit, which is apparently the most effective way to get a swinging motion. "I've tried that rig on, how the hell does she not fall over?"

 

"Practice, is how." Mei says. Bugger, he hadn't turned the mic off. "Now can we go again?"

 

"Some of us have cups of tea to drink." Joely points out.

 

"No tea. Zoom time." Mei replies firmly, crossing her arms.

 

@Zoommei

Whoosh zoom MY WINGS. You can't have them.

 

@StreetcarJr

Translation: @Zoommei spent all day filming flying shots. You'll have to excuse her while her brain gets de-birded.

 

@Zoommei

Some people do not DESERVE wings. @StreetcarJr especially.

 

Standing around the Carrier set, long shot on Isabella hugging herself whilst looking out the windows while everyone else gathers behind her. "...And.... cut." Motty says. "Prep for next shot."

 

They mill around for a bit while the cameras get moved and the lighting tested. Angel and Drew start humming something, one of those strange part humming, part singing things with added hand gestures to indicate where they are in the song they do. Apparently it's practice of some kind without actually having to sing the whole thing. Half speed reading and half shorthand notation. You can barely tell the tune as it is.

 

Isabella quirks an eyebrow. "Which song?"

 

"You wouldn't know it." Angel shrugs. "Obscure tiny musical."

 

"When we say obscure and tiny-"

 

"Trafalgar Studios." Drew says.

 

"Bloody hell, that is tiny." Isabella whistles. "But not that obscure, it's had some pretty high profile stuff... What was that Judy Garland one that got nominated?"

 

"End of the Rainbow." Angel says, then goes back to gesturing "La daaaaa diddy dee..."

 

"And the rain keeps falling..." Drew sings softly, then pauses, hums, takes a breath and sings "Marry me...." Angel counts under her breath, head and fingers bobbing as she marks the beat, before doing that circle roll into fist gesture that's clearly 'and stop' as used by conductors the world over.

 

"...So you were actually conducting him?" Ross asks.

 

"Sort of. Not quite." Angel says.

 

"Okay, I'll just chalk it up to musical theatre then?" He asks, pushing a finger inside his mask to rub at an itchy bit of skin.

 

"Yep." Angel says, tucking her fingers into her belt loop. "Our ways are weird and mysterious and involve jazz hands."

 

"Also medieval weapons." Isabella adds dryly.

 

"So how tiny is Trafalgar Studios?" Ross asks. "I've seen a couple of plays in London, but they were at the big theatres."

 

"One hundred seats. Crammed together." Isabella replies, gesturing out in front of her. "From the front row you can reach out and touch the actors, since it's more a space surrounded by banquettes, not a stage."

 

Ross's eyebrows go up. "Way too close for me, I think. Mind you, I've only really done tv and film aside from college stuff."

 

"Finished the luvvie talk?" Finty asks, waving at them.

 

"This is not luvvie talk, this is working actors talk." Isabella says.

 

The makeup artists converge for a last minute touch-up, whipping out the brushes and pads before being shooed away. The actors get on their marks, and it's close-up on Isabella, still hugging herself. "Okay... Scene 3 take 1." Motty says. "Roll 'em."

 

Angel and Drew walk into shot to flank Isabella. Isabella says softly "We just did something really frightening." She swallows. "we changed a world."

 

"And cut." Motty says. "Nice one there, Isabella." He turns his head. "Stand by while we move."

 

Drew raises his eyebrows, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Changed a world? Not a bad achievement..."

 

Angel snorts. "Anything you can do I can do better."

 

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

 

She tilts her head and looks distinctly unimpressed. "I can do anything better than you."

 

He narrows his eyes. "No you can't."

 

Angel leans over Isabella and pokes him. "Yes I can."

 

"No you can't."

 

"Yes I can." She pauses and then sings "Yes i can yes I can yes I can."

 

Simon groans. "Oh shit, here we go again."

 

"Any note you can sing I can sing higher, I can sing any note higher than you."

 

Simon's eyes widen and he sticks his fingers in his ears. "What?" Ross asks.

 

"Take cover. Trained musicals people." Simon says. "Their high notes will be *high*."

 

they get about half the song out, including a bit of dancing, before Motty puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles, hard. "When you're quite finished, Annie Oakley..."

 

Drew curtsies. "Motty, we didn't know you cared."


	7. Chapter 7

_The-Carrier.net_

Reports from set

 

We're in, of all places, a bar. Which used to be a Post Office. As far as the eye can see, it's British military uniforms, only slightly out of date ones, and everyone's tonsured and had their hair curled and style to look like they stepped out of a post-war film. Kemal in costuming was talking about raiding Camden market and the big military markets because they didn't just need army gear, they needed fifties army gear. Mostly officer gear because this scene is a meet and greet with the visitors from another dimension. Flashback time for Jenny Sparks. Talking of the visitors, they're all tall, blue, and clad in Roman gear, all togas and chitons, to fit in with the fact that it's ceremonial gear as a nostalgia trip as the other dimension's power base is in Italy.

 

It's all polite hubbub conversation, while Jenny Sparks (Angel Harker) (in uniform - something other than white! shocker!) is introduced by a General to a dwarf in a sharp three piece suit, holding a truly giant cigar. It's a strange scene, all restrained party and military protocol, wreathed in smoke. Then turn half a degree left and you see the tall blue people in togas. Gives you a real sense of how off-kilter the world this story operates in is.

 

_ONTD_Authority_

 

People! It's location filming time! Click below for pics of when they were filming in Highgate cemetery. Spoilers for those who haven't read the comics - the rest of you, you'll know exactly what they're filming.

 

Flyaway:

OMG IS THAT REGIS?

>VickyD

Big bastard with horns? We have our Rape Camp founder, people.

>PrincessFarrah

I do so miss not being a eunuch, Yngvi.

>>Sarrie

Soooooo going to enjoy seeing him killed by jack. Anyone else?

>>>Casablancababe

DUH.

 

Gweek

Drew is looking very pretty wet, I must say. Drew needs to be wet more often.

>Wildfirey

All those who support a shower scene, raise your hands.

>>sweaters

*holds up hosepipe*

>>Fingfang

*Brings buckets*

JOURNALISTIC PURPOSES.

 

Make-up trailer. Motty opens the door and comes in holding a video camera. "And here we have the poor sods who seem to spend most of their lives in here. Drew only has to spend half an hour in here each day getting his feet put on, Angel's wig takes all of fifteen minutes, and the others get a bit of make-up put on to make them look human or bruised or whatever, but some poor sods are eternally doomed. Say hi to the camera, doomed people."

 

Isabella, Gareth, Piotr and Lloyd wave. "Hi."

 

Isabella sighs. "Sign up for what you think is an interesting job, sign the contract and find your skin going nuts due to being dipped in silver goo that requires touching up every ten minutes. Also, headgear of awesome." She pauses, waving at the others. "These people understand my pain."

 

Lloyd tilts his neck back as blue gets applied to his chin. "You're not having prosthetics applied too."

 

"True, I escaped that. But it's not like we're wasting our time in here. we're forming a book club." Isabella replies.

 

Gareth pauses in sipping on his tea through a straw. "There's also epic storytelling and bitching and really detailed plotting of the end of the world. we have the time. we're stuck in here." Delroy coughs where he's in the middle of doing Gareth's hairline. "Delroy reminds us we're going to need a decent solar charger for our mp3 players when the apocalypse comes, considering there's no way desert island discs' limit's going to cut it."

 

Motty frowns. "Why can't Delroy speak for himself?"

 

Isabella grins. "Delroy managed to lose his voice this morning after the gym. Wave to the camera, Delroy." Delroy sticks his tongue out. "Isn't he sweet?"

 

"So, how's filming?" Motty asks, eyes focussed on the view screen.

 

Angel shrugs. "Well, we're in different scenes - I never get a scene with Piotr or Lloyd, they're in with the boys, and Gareth here only films with the girls."

 

"It is a tragic, tragic fate I'm resigned to." Gareth grins.

 

"You don't get fabulous costumes like me and Piotr." Lloyd points out.

 

"No, but I'm not filming at arse o' clock in a graveyard either..." Gareth says.

 

@RossHunter01

I'm lying in a puddle in the dark on a stone floor while someone applies bruises. My life.

 

@ShipDrew

@RossHunter01 You're not getting covered in alien guts. Also, you have a coat. It is cold, dark, wet and I'm *freezing*.

 

@RossHunter01

@shipdrew Mug Lloyd for his big fur thing, then.

 

@ShipDrew

@rosshunter01 Lloyd is twice the size of *both* of us. You mug him.

 

@RossHunter01

might I point out to @shipdrew that he's the one with martial arts training in real life.

 

@ShipDrew

@rosshunter01 still a question of weight ratios. If I had a sword it would be a different matter.

 

Simon looks at the horses milling around the studio. "I don't believe we're about to have a bunch of... what do you call them?"

 

"Hussars." Laura says, petting one of the horses. "Cavalry, if you want to be really generic. But light ones. They don't get armour, but they get a serious amount of frogging."

 

Simon lifts an eyebrow. "That sounds like something that takes place in a really dodgy internet chatroom."

 

"Get some sense of history." Laura sighs. "The costume people would kill for that statement."

 

"So what is it? Simon asks, genuinely perplexed.

 

"It's the decorative braid all over their costumes." She replies. "Very snazzy."

 

"Learn something every day." Simon says, then looks down. "We're going to need a clean-up every two minutes with all these horses."

 

"That's what the cgi department are for, they've got to earn their keep somehow." Laura says.

 

Simon nods, then catches sight of something. "Um. Is Drew supposed to be having a sword fight over there?"

 

Laura puts her finger to her mouth in a shushing gesture. "Shh, he gets a swordmaster and fight choreography credit on this episode. Let him have his fun."

 

@ShipDrew

Not every day you're nearly stampeded by horses and teaching their riders how they need to wield their swords just prior.

 

@RossHunter01

yfrog.com/E89ldfldzf @ShipDrew 'I get sliced up so fine you could make sandwiches out of me and does anyone run to my rescue? You're all bastards.'

 

@StreetcarJr

@RossHunter01 @ShipDrew It's really disturbing when you two quote directly rather than learning the script in certain scenes.

 

@RossHunter01

@ShipDrew My allegiance is to the pretty.

 

In the pub. Simon scratches at his shoulder, where he got dinged slightly by one of the sword hilts. "have to say, getting charged by a bunch of horses with sword wielding madmen on them taught by Drew is not an experience I want to repeat any time soon."

 

Angel looks slightly sympathetic. A little. "Welcome to my Robin hood experience." She steals one of Gavin's chips. "Mind you, ours were often fully chainmailed up too. And the swords were bigger."

 

"...Bigger?" Ross asks. "Ouch."

 

"Heavier, too." Angel adds. "The Hussars you lads were up against were carrying sabres, which only cut on one side. Medieval ones are classic style swords, and if in doubt, you can use them to batter people with."

 

"Question is whether the 'taught by Drew' makes a difference in how much fear was involved." Isabella says, sipping at her pint.

 

"Not sure, to be honest." Angel says. "Depends on the situation." She leans back, taking another chip on her way and chewing on it thoughtfully. "If he's teaching you, it's not so bad. Watching him go at someone else is medium."

 

"Having them come at you on horseback..." Simon says

 

"Always fucking scary." She confirms. "Face that down and you get very quickly why cavalry were so prized until guns became reliable."

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Overheard on set:

 

'I'm sure shovelling horseshit was not in my contract.'

 

'We're in a graveyard. Surrounded by angel statues. Don't. Blink.'

 

'Someone tell Drew to put the sword down, he's not actually supposed to be wielding one during this scene.'

 

'Ah, someone's pulled the sardines trick.'

 

'You have a leather coat. I have fur. And magnificent horns. I win the pimp contest hands down.'

 

Simon opens his eyes slightly. Too much light. Also, elephants appear to be conducting a tap class in his head. Reminder to self, Brit actors have livers that have to be experienced to be believed. Especially the ones who you'd think would be really classy because they spent a while with the Royal Shakespeare Company. They're second only to tiny Welsh girls who shouldn't be able to drink their own body weight. He shuts his eyes and resolves to go back to sleep straight away. Unfortunately that's when he hears a distinctive 'mew' and the sound of the cat making that sound like it's about to pounce. Cue the corresponding "ARGH!" from the next room. He smirks without opening his eyes. As far as the cat is concerned, Ross's bare feet are perfectly acceptable hunting targets in the morning. Ah, fuck it. The sound blast was worth it.

 

Which means Ross is going to stumble in whining any... moment... now. The door creaks open and Ross dumps himself on the bed in a huff. "I hate that cat."

 

"The cat whose belly you were scritching half of sunday." Simon mumbles, still refusing to open his eyes.

 

"It has powers of evil. I didn't say I could resist them." Ross mutters.

 

"Yeah, yeah, your powers are weak, old man." Simon says. "Fuck off, I have a hangover."

 

"I can bring coffee." Ross offers. Simon turns over and buries his head in the pillow. That's when he feels a finger tracing his shoulders. "Ouch, what happened?"

 

"Being tackled by a Hussar." Simon grunts. "Finally fading."

 

"Didn't see it when you were shirtless." Ross says, still tracing the skin around the bruise.

 

"Hadn't developed then." Simon says, turning his head to glare at him. "Coffee. I was promised coffee."

 

_Bleeding Cool_

 

First Official Pic From The Authority Set

 

Today HBO released the first official character pic from the set of The Authority. We've had plenty of pictures taken by the actors on their phones and posted to twitter, but they're normally half out of costume or against green screen, and usually pulling a face. Or in the case of Simon Kowalski as Apollo, as much shirtlessness as the others can get of him on the web as possible. Which we *know* you're finding a hardship.

 

But here we go, the first proper pic of Angie, The Engineer. We think Isabella Garcia's looking pretty good. how about you?

 

image: Waist-up shot of the Engineer, hand shading her eyes against the sun.

 

Blahblahblah writes:

SHINY.

 

Blueheaven writes:

Okay, that's a definite cool follow-up to that shot of the Carrier's monitoring room we got. Liking the fibre-optic dreads and chrome effect they've got going on her body. They've tried to get it as close to the comics as possible, which bodes well in my opinion.

 

Moonswee writes:

What, no nipples?

>Bangbangshootmedown writes:

Skintight lycra's not enough for you?

>>Moonswee writes:

Bodypaint?

 

Kaylee writes:

Now can we have official photos of Apollo with his shirt off? For... scientific purposes. Totally scientific purposes.

 

Nadia writes:

Okay, this = good. Fingers crossed for Midnighter's costume. Shen, Jenny and Jack are easy, they're just normal clothes, but the costumes are the challenge.

 

_fuckyeahrossandsimon.tumblr.com_

 

Ross posted this on twitter. We think Ross is trying to kill us.

 

image: A very damp Simon with just a towel round his waist, water droplets tracking down his chest and just clinging to his chin and eyelashes.

 

188 notes

 

arthurdebois liked this post

pulpfiction said: oh dear god. *swallows*

sparky said: ...yeah, mission achieved. *IS DED*

shackleton reblogged this post

 

Sitting around the workshop is a way to pass the time on a Friday afternoon. Well, Ross, Simon, Gavin and Angel are passing the time. Drew, Isabella and Mei are getting things seen to.

 

Drew's trying out a new and improved set of feet treads, getting his feet moulded and sweat pH tested for perfect fit and glue specifications, Mei's getting her stunt wings repaired and a new set of 'normal' ones fitted.

 

She frowns, poking at but not touching the feathers in front of her that're due to be stuck on. "These are the wrong colour for the underside."

 

"I know." Michaela says, holding up colour swatches to the light. "That's a test batch for a lighter feather over all. It'll reduce weight and back strain for when you're standing around, and hopefully might cut down a little on wind drag when you walk. they're darker so we know they're test batch."

 

"As long as you don't completely reduce wind drag, they need to flare out a bit." Mei frowns. "Want them to look good and they can't be tucked back against my body like a bird."

 

Michaela pats her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we know how possessive you are about them."

 

"My wings." Mei points out. "Has Pippa got any further with the joint problems?"

 

"Yeah, looks like it needs some lube as the main issue." Michaela says, taking a pen from behind her ear and making a mark against one colour swatch.

 

Gavin rests his chin on his fist. "Are we sure that girl didn't just get into the acting business full stop just so she might have a shot at wings, possibly, some day in the future?"

 

Angel shakes her head. "Never underestimate Mei and wings, it seems."

 

"You can't talk, you're the one with a longbow." Gav remarks.

 

"Learning archery is a normal reaction to liking Robin Hood as a kid." Angel replies. "Seriously, I bet if you took a survey of 99% of archers at clubs you'd be able to get something about robin hood out of them if you stuck bamboo under their fingernails." Then she smiles smugly. "But I'm still the one who got the Marian gig, so I win."

 

Isabella's currently getting hand guns fitted by Helen. Great big cannons that go on like gloves. Most of Angie's creations are CGI, but the guns are solid and non-morphing enough that they're making some out of foam. That's the great thing about Angie's creations, they don't necessarily have to look like they were made with anything but a bit of imagination, so the props and CGI people have way too much fun doodling.

 

Isabella raises one hand, closes an eye and aims across the workshop. "Bang. You're dead."

 

"Missed!" Gavin replies. "Can't aim for shit, missus."

 

"Oh yeah?" She brings them both up. "Hello, little boy. Auntie Angie brought presents."

 

Ross clutches at his chest and keels over onto Simon. "Cannot... take... it... Someone else quoting the comics from a bit we haven't had the scripts for..."

 

Simon chuckles and tweaks Ross's nose. "What do you expect, it had to happen some time. You bastards keep quoting it, we were going to pick some of it up. Angel knows most of it off by heart anyway."

 

Angel raises an eyebrow and says dryly "Angel picked it up by reluctant osmosis ages ago."

 

"Okay, okay, I'll worry when you start quoting Fell and Orbital." Ross says.

 

"Hah. Sod Orbital, I want to do Crecy." Angel says. "Seriously, we could get it funded by BBC4 or the History channel since it's basically a history lecture in graphic form."

 

Ross shakes his head. "No girls in it."

 

Angel looks down and pokes her chest. "Please, I'm not Jordan. they're not too difficult to disguise with a couple of layers of heavy clothing."

 

"And I quote..." Simon says, cupping his ear.

 

"I won't wear one of those spandex body-condom things, I haven't got the tits for it." Angel smirks in a very satisfied tone. Then sighs. "Rabia won't say whether the Angel flashback eps have anything like that it. Which I find unfair, it's such an awesome line."

 

Gavin picks a bit of lint off his jeans. "We appear to be a spandex-free superhero universe. Closest you get is Swift's gym gear."

 

"Which i still say was the result of 'argh, need to rescue people, I was lazing about at home or coming back from the gym'." Angel says. "But anyway, Crecy: Do you know how many re-enactors you'd get queueing up and begging to slog around in the rain and mud in full chainmail and point out historical details and the reason for them?" she pauses. "And gripe about the upper classes and the French?"

 

"Ah, the things you learn." Isabella says, holding still while Helen makes a few adjustments to the gun moulds so they don't gape around her wrists. "Never let it be said comics and the internet couldn't teach you anything."

 

Angel smirks, raising her voice slightly. "The internet is really really great."

 

"FOR PORN." Comes Drew's boom from across the workshop.

 

"It's scary how big you two's bat ears are for songs." Isabella says.

 

"I've got a fast connection so I don't have to wait." Angel continues.

 

"FOR PORN."

 

It continues. Especially since Michaela, Helen and Pippa join in on the choruses. "The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn, me up all night honking me horn for porn, porn, PORN!"

 

Gavin snorts. "Never, ever fails. Grab your dick and doubleclick.."

 

"For Porrrrrrrn! Poorrrrrrrrrn! PORRRRRNNNNNN!"

 

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Overheard on set:

 

'If Angel would stop pretending to be a Disney Princess while singing a really bloody disturbing song about them, my psyche would be much healthier.'

 

'No bats! This is not Hunter S. Thompson!'

 

'Drew, if you're going to end up tangled in a corner like that again, we'll make you use the stuntman.'

 

'Timing how long Ross and Simon snog for before the director bothers to yell cut for starts... now.'

 

 

Tori arrives on set and gets tackled by Angel and Mei. "Tori! Tori! You didn't tell us you were coming!" Mei says once she's released her.

 

"Um, only for a bit at the moment..." Tori says, patting her head gingerly.

 

"Doesn't matter, we need to get you blindingly drunk and bitch about weird american directors." Mei grins.

 

"I heard that!" Laura yells.

 

"We'll get you drunk as well, will that do?" Mei asks.

 

"It's passable." Laura concedes.

 

"So, anyway, what're you doing?" Angel asks.

 

"Some kind of statuesque warrior woman." tori shrugs.

 

Angel frowns. "Duh. Makes sense, considering there's not many 6 foot ripped black goddesses in the comics." Pause. "Although you're not going to asked to krump in this."

 

"...Bugger." Tori says with feeling, then grins, adjusting her bag back into position.

 

Mei waves a dismissive hand. "Dancing will happen anyway. There's times it's like being in a bloody musical around here, Angel and Drew keep breaking into dance sequences."

 

Tori shrugs. "If you will employ dancers."

 

_ONTD_Authority_

Speculation time re: casting

 

Angel Harker posted a pic (see below) of someone arriving on set. Anyone know who this is, or what she might be doing? I am honestly confused.

 

@AngelHarker

This is Tori. No, we're not telling you who she's playing. Tori is in the house and everything is therefore awesome.

image: Black woman lounging in a chair with a cup of tea.

 

Jakadee

...I'm getting nothing.

>Relentlessness

Unless they're doing a female version of Jackson?

>>Geegina

Nah, they wouldn't do that. Being very confused here.

 

Fellfee

My little brother just walked past the computer. She's a hip-hop dancer who's known for krumping. I have been subjected to so many youtube vids because of this, you don't even want to know. Been in a few adverts and so on, but no film or tv acting credits.

>Drummerbee

..So she's know for that type of dancing where you look like you're having a fit?

>SeeCee

STILL SO CONFUSED ON WHO SHE'LL PLAY.

>>Nevermoar

I vote for random cameo and they're jsut excited because she's a mate. :sigh:


	8. Chapter 8

@ShipDrew

Oh God. @Warrenellis is visiting the set. oh fuck. :hyperventilates:

 

@RossHunter01

what @ShipDrew said. oh FUCK, @Warrenellis ...I'm going to pass out.

 

@AngelHarker

@StreetcarJr You get the paper bag for them to hyperventilate into, I'll get the vodka to knock them out.

 

@StreetcarJr

@Angelharker i support this idea. Though looking at @RossHunter01, I think we're going to need the tranquilisers too.

 

@AngelHarker

@StreetcarJr No problem. I have a very convenient mallet.

 

 

_WarrenEllis.com_

 

Back at the desk.

 

As some of you annoyances know, The Authority, that mad widescreen vomit comic I did with Bryan Hitch and Laura Depuy that emerged from the dying explosion of Stormwatch at the end of the 20th century is being filmed as a tv series by HBO, mad pioneer weasels of gangsters and corruption of a tv station that it is.

 

I've been working in the position of an interested consultant on this, the writers occasionally calling me up to scream 'why did you write this? How are we supposed to explain to producers and money men that we need to re-forest Los Angeles? How the fuck do we translate a comic from the printed page to giant wheeling screen images and how the fuck do we get the actors off the ceiling? Angel Harker now has so much nicotine on her fingers she's grown a cigarette as a sixth finger! Isabella is now half robotics, an android the prosthetics people are using as a testing site for their inventions!' They are weak and have not had to work with mad artists who use their blood as ink.

 

I have heard good things and tales of actors going insane on set, and explosions that re-formed entire dimensions. My children, it seems the plan for domination goes apace.

 

Today I was invited to Pinewood, that place of madness and ideas being born and drowned in a giant indoor pool that pirate ships sailed on just north of Slough to observe the goings on. Understand that a writer of the original material is generally as useless as a dry jellyfish in a vegetarian restaurant on set, as I knew from my visit to the RED set when that was filming in Toronto, so I planned to stay out of the way and be as unobtrusive as possible. I said planned. Planning is apparently not a thing that happens when your first step past the security is greeted by two well-built actors bowing and holding out a large bottle of expensive single malt and a box of Cuban cigars as a form of tribute to appease the evil spirits.

 

Yes, readers, Drew Shipley and Ross Hunters are fans of my writings. One of these men has trained himself to the point of physical perfection to be able to beat you to a pulp in mid-air in perfect time to a beat whilst singing a jaunty tune, and can disembowel you with sharp pieces of metal, and the other beat off hosts of others by being more convincingly menacing than all of them as Midnighter. And they were abasing themselves before me with much appreciated tribute. To say it was an odd sensation was an understatement, and it makes you wonder if this is how it feels to be the God-emperor Steven Moffat as he surveys the Doctor Who set in Wales and makes all tremble before him.

 

Angel Harker, longbow fetishist, resplendent in a blonde wig as Jenny Sparks during a break between scenes, explained to me that she blames me entirely for the fact that she understands the meaning of the phrase 'monstering'. I may have created these things in a fit of whisky and late-night demons whispering to me from the nether regions about deadlines, but I don't have to live with the fans day in day out. She shuddered indelicately. "We have twelve mugs in our cupboard. Half of them ask Where's My Fucking Coffee and the others are a selection of picks from the store. This is YOUR FAULT, Sunshine." I feel they chose well in casting. This was borne out as I watched her stride across set, towing Gavin Detori in his Doctor outfit by his ear, barking orders and puffing on a fag as she did so. A glow of pride infused my burnt and blackened heart as I watched someone embody my creation so well through infection of the brain. Trading my soul to Grant Morrison in an eldritch rite of drugs and conspiracy theories clearly brings rewards.

 

The set's a madhouse of people tearing their hair out and enjoying themselves, existing on a steady diet of tea and jaffa cakes. One very odd moment was watching Drew leaping into the air to do a spinning roundhouse, tucking into a backwards somersault to land steadily. And do it again and again. Without complaint, as directors and cameramen watched dispassionately and asked him to land slightly better. This was part of a fight scene where the enemy would be CGI'd in later, hence the precision required. The fact that a human being can do this outside a comic page is beyond the realm of my body's understanding, since it has problems enough staggering from the writing desk to the coffee pot on its bad days, let alone achieve death-defying feats in mid-air. On completion of the scene, which required several more acrobatic feats of legend, he bounced up and ran over to thank me, red contact lenses gleaming under the lights. "This is so much fun. You have NO IDEA."

 

Strange sights around the set. Angel and Drew doing a full Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers style tap sequence during their lunch break whilst the runners and cameramen laughed and recorded it. Mei Jones, a tiny welsh girl, who seemed to have spent all day in her wings without any resultant back problems, informed me that this is what happens when you employ musical actors. The crew is regularly serenaded with dance, Andrew Lloyd Webber and filthy cabaret songs. It appears to be a coping mechanism of sorts to stop their hyperactivity ballooning to the point of running amok and killing half of Pinewood. Given that these people are trained in the handling of medieval weapons, it's considered a small price to pay. Angel Harker once brought the longbow on set and set up a range. the producers regarded any runners lost to injury whilst running the gauntlet a valuable learning experience for their future careers in the film and tv industry. Later, Drew could be heard singing that 'They don't make glass slippers' in a mournful, reflective tone. He explained that it was practice for a charity concert, the song being about a gay escort in Soho. On his other side, Angel was cheerily imitating a Disney Princess singing about the annoyances of one night stands for the same concert. I could only be forced to concede that her brain had in fact melted and that all should seek cover.

 

Theo Walcott, the producer, spent much of his time running around like a blue-arsed fly whipping everyone into shape. I deny that he was menacing anyone with a bullwhip to do so, as there are no photos and directors are always covered in strange marks so it won't hold up in court.

 

Afterwards, the cast dragged me off to the pub and bought me drinks until I had to be poured onto the train. From this treatment, I must be forced to conclude that the series appears to be in good hands.

 

I leave you with an image of the new Filthy Assistants. All of them can drink you under the table. One of them has been trained by the Royal Shakespeare company especially with this in mind.

 

Image: Angel Harker, Mei Jones and Isabella Garcia in full costume, draped over Warren, all grinning hugely and holding up two fingers to the camera.

 

_fuckyeahrossandsimon.tumblr.com_

 

Ross has met Warren Ellis. Ross is a happy, happy happy boy. awwww.

 

image: Ross in Midnighter gear next to Warren Ellis, grinning his head off.

image: Ross out of Midnighter gear, in the pub, talking animatedly with Warren and Drew.

 

keveela liked this post

rosshunterfan liked this post

jennita said: awwww, seeing him fanboy is so *cute*.

 

Interviews on set for the dvd and website extras.

 

"Okay, we're here on the set of HBO's The Authority with Simon Kowalski and Ross Hunter who play Apollo and Midnighter." The interviewer says. "So, guys, can you describe your roles so we can put this up on the website?"

 

Ross grins. "Superman and Batman if Superman and Batman were Special Forces who'd gone into a top secret government program to get experimented on, and then fell in love with each other after they went on the run from the program when it went tits up. Then they got co-opted into a mad idea by an alcoholic burnout who wanted to get something done and be really effective. With the headquarters on a giant spaceship."

 

Simon spreads his hands. "It's a love story for the ages. With added hitting people until they don't get up."

 

"But I get to wear the leather trenchcoat." Ross holds up his fingers. "He was this close to getting forced into lycra."

 

"You're the one bitching about sweating like a pig in that gear." Simon shrugs.

 

"But I look cool, that's the important thing." Ross says smugly.

 

The interviewer grins slightly. "How's it been playing a couple?"

 

Simon rubs his ear. "Well, they're completely old married couple by the time we meet them in The Authority, so it's done mostly in little looks and touches and Midnighter bitching at Apollo - which Ross does scarily well - and Apollo ignoring him when he does it and apologising for his behaviour to other people."

 

"There's this scene where we walk into a briefing and Midnighter's in the middle of bitching about Apollo leaving his laundry on the floor." Ross says. "If you've ever had to share a room with this guy? No acting needed."

 

Simon punches him in the shoulder. "He's lying,"

 

Ross grimaces and rubs his shoulder. Simon is not a small man. "Am not, you can be a complete pig."

 

"Unlike mister 'fuck off where's my coffee' in the morning." Simon says.

 

"You're thinking of Angel for that one." Ross points out.

 

"Nearly as bad." Simon replies. "But yeah, it's been fun." He pauses. "Aside from that time you ate sardines before kissing, you bastard."

 

Ross attempts an innocent look. "But baby, I've seen you eat them happily at lunch, I thought you'd like the kiss tasting of them."

 

Simon narrows his eyes. "There was a reason I held you down and made you gargle mouthwash before the next take. No jury would convict."

 

the interviewer bites his lip. "Filming in general?"

 

"Kicking ass, taking names and tormenting Angel. What's not to like?" Ross asks.

 

"There's rumours she's going to be in the next Bond film." Simon says. "I'm trying to get a meeting with the producers to get a part. I would totally rock the part of henchman number three who gets gunned down in the first scene."

 

"Oh, and further reasons to watch: Apollo's shirts are constantly getting torn." Ross volunteers. "It's a miracle if he gets through an episode without at least one shirtless scene."

 

Simon nods. "It's kind of a running joke. And there's the origin ep where we're both naked for quite a bit, too. He's just jealous because he's stuck in the leather all day."

 

"I suffer for my art and looking cool, i told you." Ross repeats.

 

A figure in white saunters past, then stops and plops herself down next to them. "Whatever they're telling you, it's lies. They spend most of their time on set causing trouble."

 

"We're saints. she lies." Ross says. "She's the one who spends half her time doing dance routines."

 

"That's entertaining the masses for fun and profit." Angel replies smoothly. "And did they tell you they're constantly trying to get couples' discount on everything?"

 

Simon smirks. "We succeeded in that hotel. Only downside to sharing a bed with him is that Ross snores."

 

Ross shoves him. "Do not."

 

Simon gives him a pitying look. "Do so."

 

"Do not." Ross says, getting him into a headlock.

 

Angel facepalms. "See what I have to deal with?" She whaps Ross on the back of the head. "Quit it and play nice for the interviewer before I have to kick your arses."

 

"Just try it." Ross pouts, letting go of Simon to rub the back of his head.

 

"Fine, I'll get Drew to kick your arses, then I'll pin you to a tree, bring out the bow and play pincushion on you." she gets up, flicking them both in the head as she goes.

 

Simon scowls, rubbing the side of his head where Angel flicked it. "See? Tormenting her is completely justified."

 

"Is she, uh, serious about the target practice?" The interviewer asks hesitantly.

 

"She's brought it to set, set up the target and the producers threatened to make anyone who pissed them off run the gauntlet." Ross says. "do not ever touch the bow, ever. It's a basic survival rule you learn early on this set."

 

@BellaGarcia

Today, we have video cameras interviewing us for the website bits. Again. As usual, @zoommei has been told to stop being so welsh.

 

@Zoommei

@bellagarcia Have. Not.

 

@BellaGarcia

She starts talking about the pot noodle mines. And the fact that Brains is drinkable once you've had enough tequila. Only in Cardiff...

 

Isabella gestures around the Carrier's monitoring room. "Welcome to my domain. Well, I say mine, Some of the others get to be in here, but it's mostly mine and I know how everything works. For instance:" She leans over to the keyboard and presses a couple of buttons. The screens light up, and start cycling through. "The tech crew made sure that these are all operational. Some of them are only cued in to the fake news bulletins they've filmed, but several are real recordings and some are even live, because it's a lot easier. I do kind of wish we could do what Dr Who does, which is produce real BBC news reports and fake One Show snippets because it's the BBC and they're their own programs, but it's pretty awesome. And they asked permission from several of the web channels if they could show some of their talking heads interviews." She pauses again, pressing a couple of buttons and some of the screens light up with web pages. "That's NASA, and though they don't really use this one on the show in focus, it cycles through the latest news portals on the web. And when I'm bored and they want me in the background looking like I'm doing something..." Isabella grins, tapping some buttons and swiping her hands across a touchpad. "Screen five along." They focus in on it. "Yes, that is Angry Birds. I'm petitioning for a PS3, but the producers say they'd never get the costume and prosthetics crew out of here and they'd never do any work."

 

The cameras follow Isabella down a corridor to another room. She gestures as they walk. "Okay, this looks like a fairly standard corridor, right? Nice couple of designs, mostly metallic, but it's still a corridor. About as exciting as being stuck at the bus station. What you don't get is that this gets a load of graphics along the walls - the Carrier surfs along the edges of the universe through different dimensions, so it's not ever seen by the normal world - we're not orbiting in a satellite or anything, and the only way you can get here is by teleport dimensional portal. Or as we put it, yell 'Door' when we want to leave any scene set outside. it's not even like the fireplaces in Harry potter, or 'beam me up Scotty', where you've got to have some kind of artefact or someone on the other end operating a load of switches. It's just a matter of going 'Door' and you walk straight back into here. Can you imagine the tube fare you'd save?" She touches one of the walls. "Essentially these are all giant green screens, and the CGI team get to think up whatever they like each episode, since it's a different dimension each time. We're voting for Care Bears at least once. they keep threatening to do 'It's a Small World', but the producers shoot that down as this isn't supposed to be a horror show. Fantasy, sci-fi, action, some horror elements, yes, but not out and out giving people nightmares. I think they just don't want to be sued for the therapy bills."

 

"What I do. Um." Isabella says, scratching her head. "Okay, understand that in the UK, you don't get that much in the way of comics. Okay, we've got comic shops, but most people only know the American stuff like Superman and the X-men through cartoons and films. Our big fantasy thing is Doctor Who, it's not about people in colourful costumes hitting others. Even the comics that are home grown, like Judge Dredd - they're strange and political and there's a big dose of weird. You may have good and bad, but it's always a bit wrong. Lots of grey. Feet of clay every time. Even in our reality shows like X-Factor and I'm a Celebrity, we want a decent villain. Interesting characters. It's not enough for people to be good, they've got to have this edge of selfishness or obliviousness - humanity, really. Our national hero figures are about a thief stroke resistance fighter who pins his hopes at first on a king who bled the country dry for glory who would've sold it out like that and a king who's glorious for a bit but dies and loses his personal life because people leave or betray him. this stuff is really, really, well, weird for me."

 

"But anyway. How to describe Angie... she's a scientist who'd been working on human and robotic merging stuff, with a lot of research into nanobots. And then in a moment of complete and utter madness, she got hold of some research that made her theories and research come alive in a way she never imagined, so in the grand tradition of all mad scientists, she decided to test it on herself and replace her blood with nanobots. Little machines, molecule size, smaller than the eye can see, that can build anything. Anything she can imagine. Most of the time when she's on the carrier she's covered in a thin skin of them, which includes that headdress - it's the closest anyone wears to a superhero outfit. I find myself flicking my hand and being told Angie's made a little sculpture in thin air because she can. because she's got the nanobots at her beck and call, she can invade machines with them, turn them into poison gas filters so they wipe it up and turn it back into clean air, or remake her lungs so they can breathe underwater. Or make giant guns, I'm normally wearing big prosthetics on my hands for that, which they then mess around in post production to make cooler." Isabella's face splits with the size of the grin. "One thing you have to remember is that Angie is having the time of her life. Jenny tracked her down when she was putting together the team she'd dreamed up to try and fight and prevent the really world spanning threat that no-one else could and essentially dared her. And instead of dealing with rubbish, or bills, or going down tesco 24 when she ran out of milk, she saves the world and figures out how to do it all over again."

 

_The-Carrier.net_

A Note From the Series Creators.

 

For the launch of The Making Of The Authority, (it's capitalised. Just go with us), series creators Rabia Dukakis, Mark thewlis and Greg Bhogal got asked to explain themselves and what the hell they were thinking when they pitched a superhero-based series.

 

we all read comics. Rabia and mark had been reading them since they were teenagers, and Greg had Sandman dumped forcibly on his head at college. People in spandex beating other people up for great justice for the most part, with all these strange side bits that explore noir films, gangsters, vampires, people's ordinary lives... but mostly Rabia couldn't be torn away from Batman. Mark's all about the X-Men. The thing was, we'd all known that if you did it right, comics on screen could be amazing, but they were normally films, who'd had to distill it down to the origin story and two hours. The problem with comics is that they're a serialised form. A really, really, really long serialised form. Lots of characters, lots of villains, lots of ups and downs, life changes, and so on. They're not just a two-hour snapshot. And one day, Mark, who'd long been a Warren Ellis fan, thought 'why the hell not do a tv series?'. Only not a soap like Lois and Clark back in the nineties, but something that was full-on action and thrills, real world changing stuff, not like 'Superman stops robbers'. People whose main job is being a superhero, not doing it on the side. And the thing was, Warren had, back in the nineties at the very turn of the century, created an utterly mad comic about a bunch of superheroes who'd got together to battle precisely that. All the stuff the regular ones couldn't do. They weren't going to try to fight that mugger on the street corner, they were there to fight the giant invading force from the dimension next door searching for new worlds to colonise. And they couldn't have this one. Though if a mugger was stupid enough to go after them, they'd end up a smear on the pavement. And then he decided that the look and feel should be a widescreen experience and pulled in Bryan Hitch to realise his mad vision.

 

So essentially Mark made enquiries to Warren's agent and the people at DC who own Wildstorm, and then one night, fully caffeinated up to the hilt, he dumped The Authority and Stormwatch graphic novels that Warren's work had been collected into (Stormwatch being the comic that The Authority was born out of the ashes of) on Rabia and Greg, and they couldn't stop boggling. And called him utterly insane. An alcoholic burnout the same age as the century who'd been fighting for a better world all her life who'd pulled together a team consisting of ex-Black Ops superpowered beings, ex government experiments soldiers who'd gone on the run, and a shaman and mad scientist who'd turned herself into her own project. And hit the ground running. It had enough backstory in there to really flesh it out, and the characters were mad enough and the stories jam-packed enough for mark to sucker Rabia and Greg into his cause.

 

And because we are certifiably mad and dribbling, we pitched to HBO. And they agreed that they'd like to give it a shot, because there weren't enough explosions in their lives. (Rabia is personally of the opinion that they just want to see LA devastated)

 

So, after all the meetings and wrangles and script re-writing, we're in the distinctly strange place of watching our vision unfold in the legendary film-making place that is Pinewood Studios. Though we mostly spend it in odd pubs in London arguing about script tweaks. Yesterday we watched Swift fall twenty feet and eviscerate people with her claws. three days ago we saw The Engineer call up information from a bank of screens. Today we're watching Jack Hawksmoor leap over people's heads to beat them up, and he's taking us for dinner afterwards.

 

Ages to go yet, but watching this kind of thing realised, even with the knowledge that we've got half a tonne of CGI and post-production to be piled on top (no matter how much Mei Jones bullies them, prosthetics and tech have yet to make a pair of wings that will enable Swift to *actually* fly) is stunning, and we just want to say a big thank you to everyone involved. Except Warren Ellis. We're going to murder him in his sleep for making us try to work out precisely how we could get some of those images and concepts work on screen instead of the page.

 

\- Rabia Dukakis, Mark Thewlis and Greg Bhogal. 


	9. Chapter 9

Ross scratches his chin. "Auditioning. Okay, that was interesting since as we were going to be playing a couple, we didn't just have to test well for the role, we had to test well with each other. At least have the right initial chemistry. I've auditioned for boyfriends and couples before, so I'm never sure what exactly it is they're looking for, since criteria seems to vary from one casting director to another.

 

Simon nods. "Yeah, what seems an identical role, they test for completely different things. Of course, it's a lot different when you're testing as a couple, rather than the new love interest for an established character."

 

"Or that thing where you go in as a new character and then several episodes down the line the writers and producers decide to hook you up with another character so you never tested for anything." Ross adds. "It can go so wrong, you wouldn't believe it." Pause. "Actually, you would, everyone's yelled at the screen when they've cast someone who has the chemistry of a lump of wood. I remember one really spectacular fail in Smallville. The actress playing Lana had no chemistry with anyone except Chloe, never mind all the boys who were supposed to be falling all over each other for her, including Clark." He coughs. "Never mind that Clark and Lex could barely keep their eyes off each other." Another cough. "Anyway. Auditioning. they announced they were casting The Authority, I'm a massive Warren Ellis fan, and my agent told me to stop calling up and begging him to call back and bribe them. And then we heard Angel had been cast as Jenny, and all the comics sites sat up and went 'ooo, that could work'. I auditioned for everything but The Doctor. I'd have liked Hawksmoor, but then certain people turned up who can actually drop-kick people in mid-air and then turn a somersault and run up a wall. Completely unfair." He grins. "But I got socially adjusted Batman, so there is no bad here. And then I did the dance of joy. It was a thing."

 

"What about Apollo?" Simon asks, folding his arms.

 

Ross grins. "You do happy go lucky eye candy way better than I do, it was fate. I am totally pretty enough, but I carry Midnighter's coat off better. also the threat of ultra-violence."

 

Simon narrows his eyes. "I can do ultra-violence. You have seen Solar Walk, right?"

 

Ross pats his cheek. "Course you can, sweetheart, it's just that you radiate nice. it's a skill. Angel, for instance, I have my suspicions about."

 

"Possibly because she isn't trying to impress us." Simon points out. "Though she's getting really good at barking orders when she's not acting now." he tugs at his collar. "Yeah, so I got chucked this script, and it was different enough that it looked really interesting - superheroes but going in for massive problems instead of the usual muggings and supervillains, which to be honest aren't really that interesting. Plus the whole couple thing, so my agent put me up for Apollo and told me to get my ass to the gym - I had to be able to give off ex-soldier and nice, which Ross clearly can't do, so we got to that stage of callback. I doubt I'd have ever got anywhere near Jack Hawksmoor, because although I can look decent doing a fight on screen, i can't run up walls and do backflips without thinking about it or do sarcastic bastard anywhere near Drew's level. Okay, so there's training, but the guy who can do that in the audition room and act kinda gets priority. That man has a major, major line on sarcastic bastard."

 

"What do you expect, he's *English*." Ross says. "It's their lifeblood."

 

"Yeah, so, that role was totally rigged in Drew's favour. the others may have just as well not turned up. We're just lucky it doesn't involve sword wielding as well, because then they might have just as well have handed it to him on a plate." Simon says. "Then came the chemistry tests we talked about..."

 

Ross groans. "Christ, the chemistry tests. How many did you have to do?"

 

"Three." Simon replies. "One guy was so nervous he screwed it up and nearly fell over his own feet. Second was sort of okay. third was you."

 

Ross shakes his head. "I had more. Really, really terrible ones. Two sort of okay. Slight problem that one half has to be sunny and nice and the other's mostly grumpy, but it's not as though that's an unknown concept in couples, right?" he takes a breath. "One of the guys actually flinched any time you put a finger near him. either he was deep into the closet and scared that touching him would bring on the jazz hands, or just deeply homophobic. Three other guys auditioning that day said he acted the exact same way with them. What was he even doing auditioning to be part of a gay couple if he couldn't even do it in the audition?"

 

"Agent probably saw 'HBO show' and chucked him at it without reading the character description." Simon replies. "It happens."

 

"Then there was the guy who was flirting with me like he was trying to pull me on a first date." Ross says, rolling his eyes. "The characters are an old married couple, not meeting for the first time. then there was plank of wood... the list goes on. And then there was Simon."

 

Simon grins. "We got lucky. There was a delay and they were running late, so we got to chatting while we were waiting and decided we'd play it fond and slightly exasperated. that and we were relaxed by the time we went in. so, bingo. my ticket to spending at least part of each episode shirtless." he pauses. "Actually, it's a pretty skin friendly show. I think Jenny and the Doctor are the only ones who don't wear anything form-fitting at any time."

 

"He's still not a comics fan." Ross pouts.

 

Simon pushes his head. "You're enough of a fanboy for the both of us."

 

@StreetcarJr

Portrait of a hangover. this is @RossHunter01 in need of a fried egg sandwich yfrog.com/aI48inkjfds

 

_ONTD_Authority_

...Oh, bless. Ross drank too much and is feeling the after effects.

 

image: Ross Hunter looking utterly wrecked in just a pair of jeans. A very well-fitting pair of jeans.

 

ShinyJan:

Ooo, someone had a bad, bad night. *snigger*

>JEssdeJess

Who wants to bet he went up against Mei and Isabella again?

>>Gamestay

I'll happily take your money.

 

FellSwift:

How is it that someone can look this pretty even when blatantly hungover?

 

Redshift:

God loves us and wants us to be happy. PROOF.

>ShinyJan:

Now can we please have proof of Shirtless!Midnighter on set? I have needs.

>>Invictus

Eleventy-billionthed.

 

 

Mei claps her hands together. "Welcome to prosthetics. They're very nice. They created my wings."

 

"We do more than that." Pippa says.

 

"But my wings are the important things." Mei replies.

 

"She'd get them bonded to her permanently if they actually worked." Gavin adds, from where he's leaning against the table.

 

Mei raises an eyebrow. "This is a totally natural reaction to have. Who doesn't want wings?"

 

"They might get in your way doing stuff, like sitting down or riding the bus." Gavin says.

 

"Might I point out: wings. Who needs the bus?" Mei asks. "So, anyway, this show is about explosions, sarcasm, and an excuse for me to have giant wings. And I get to beat people up and claw their faces off. he doesn't."

 

"I'm secure in my character's ability to change half the world with a thought, thanks." Gavin says. "Most of my stuff's done in post-production, but it's really pretty cool to read the script and see your character's just turned the invading force into trees and you've single-handedly re-forested LA. I get a lot of green screen stuff done, like we all do, except I get to go into trances so it's even more trippy."

 

"I suppose so." Mei says, folding her arms. "But it's still not wings."

 

"And there you have her entire reason for applying for this role." Gavin says. "Me, I get to watch everyone else get really physical and go mad, while my character drifts off and sees what's wrong, inserts a sliver of thought and twists. he's the world's Doctor. The one whose entire reason for being is to try to heal it. Which, okay, he's with a load of people who're out to save the world by beating things up, but you need that balance. Jenny found him, probably yelled at him, then got him drunk and extracted a promise out of him. Being the Shaman of the planet? Decently weird and yet really satisfying." He pauses. "Admittedly I do have a problem with not making him sound stoned out of his gourd the entire time."

 

Mei shakes her head sadly. "And still, no wings." She sighs. "Okay, the simple way to describe my character is that Shen had been in a Black Ops part of a team with Jenny and Jack. Lots of secret stuff - she was originally a pacifist but all of this changed her. The old team they were a part of imploded, and the Black Ops part had pretty much been going their own way towards the end as it was. Jenny presented her idea of wanting to make the world a better place, and Shen jumped at the chance. she's Tibetan and none of what her parents remembered from their childhood exists any more." Mei grins. "I am on this set, I have wings and it's all completely mad. Result."

 

 

_fuckyeahrossandsimon.tumblr.com_

 

image: Simon, sprawled on his bed and eyeing the taker of the photo. *Just* decent.

 

358 notes

 

carmine liked this post.

L4yercakey reblogged this post.

Toytown said: Oh. My. Days.

Lostintransit said: THUD.

Lostinc said: So. Um. What was my reason for not ...uh... I totally forgot what I was going to say.

 

 

Drew leans back. "How we went for this role...I think she'd better start." he looks sheepish. "I get a bit enthusiastic."

 

Angel gives him a look. "Enthusiastic is putting it mildly, Warren Ellis fanboy. I got a call from my agent that they wanted to see me for the role, I went 'interesting' because i'd read the comics - couldn't avoid it, not with living with him. Seriously, she's a burnout who's lived the entire century, drinks like a fish and goes in and out of depressive fits because she so desperately wants to make the world a better place and keeps getting let down. She gets involved with superheroing on and off, but what she's mostly been involved in is secret agent stuff, and was working the more secret side of a superhero team when that imploded, so she saw her chance to go after the really big stuff. Really protect the world, none of this status quo bollocks. So on a mad power trip, she recruits the best for the job she can find, and then goes for it. Oh and she's essentially electricity. Communicates through it, commands the storm, can do your brain in... you wouldn't believe the stuff she can do. And there's a giant spaceship and aliens and clones and mad nutters. Just a wee bit different from most musical theatre and charging around the British countryside up to my eyebrows in mud playing at Robin hood." Pause. "Anyway, I told him I was auditioning, he pretty much screamed the house down that they were getting this far with pre-production, then had to tip him into an ice cold bath when he got a call back for Hawksmoor."

 

"You exaggerate." Drew glares.

 

"I had to sit on you." Angel points out. "And apologise to your agent for the ringing noise in her ear."

 

"Okay, she's right there." Drew admits. "But I auditioned for Apollo, Midnighter and Jack Hawksmoor, and oddly, when they found out I could do all the martial arts and backflips without training, they liked me a lot. Amazing what casting directors pick up on."

 

"And he can act and grumble really well, so there's that." Angel says. "Pity the role didn't call for you to sing too."

 

"We're holding out for a musical episode." Drew adds. "The thing about The Authority is it's all about a bunch of people trying to do their best to save the world. not just one alley, or one neighbourhood, or one city. The world. So we're fighting aliens and global terrorists who don't do bombs in public transport, they do attack squadrons. It's a different scale. And I get to be the embodiment of a Warren Ellis character, all of whom are mad, bad, dangerous to know and have great lines." Pause. "Though I have to say, green screen is weird. Having to re-do moves and fights against things I can't actually see. As a swordsman, you're used to what you're fighting being in front of you. I keep finding myself doing moves and spins as an extra for part of a fight that I've already done on, say, the Carrier set."

 

Angel cocks her head. "Oddly, there's not that much green screen for me, even though my whole power is lightning. I mostly focus or do my best Palpatine." She pokes Drew. "You still haven't described who jack *is, sunshine."

 

Drew does the sheepish look again. "Oh. Whoops. Jack Hawksmoor is designed, evolved, whatever, to live in the cities. He hears everything, if it's in range of a window he can see it, he can melt in and out of walls, hear what the city's trying to say... Basically he's the God of the Cities. He started trying to clean them up, then got recruited to a team and got put in its black ops team with Jenny and Shen, then joined Jenny's mad idea to try for the world, not just one place in it."


	10. Chapter 10

Steve looks at the sketches, then back at the producers, then back at the sketches. "Right. Does anyone have any idea how we're selling this?"

 

"...We're a month into filming and you're worrying about this *now*?" Mark asks.

 

Steve waves a hand in the air. "I mean image. The first statements we've got out are 'superheroes who decide to work on a bigger scale', I'm interested in the look. The first rushes I've seen are mostly big swooshy spaceship interiors, and rubble-strewn fight scenes where you destroyed cities. What kind of statements are we looking at here? True Blood, it's all sex sex sex and blood. Game of Thrones, brooding on the throne, which fits with the whole murky political alliances and power grabs that series is based around. Throw me a bone here, what is it, Superman? Batman? Captain America? Thor?"

 

Rabia sucks in a breath. "Well, we have Superman and Batman. And an acrobat martial artist, a girl who controls electricity, a winged hunter, and an android looking character. most of them could fuck you up without thinking about it."

 

Steve drums his fingers on the table of sketches and character designs. "And you've been writing excitable blog posts and are letting the actors tweet photos from set..." He pauses, bringing up the gallery of those. "Interesting angle, considering how much totty they're tweeting."

 

"...Totty?" Greg frowns. "What's totty?"

 

"Fit people. Pretty and handsome pin up material." Steve says, waving his hand dismissively. "Learn more english slang, you're living and working here. have you not seen how many pictures they tweet of him shirtless?" he asks, pointing at the sketches of Apollo and pictures of Simon. "We could build a marketing campaign around that if this was True Blood."

 

"We're thinking at least half of that is due to Ross." Mark says dryly. "he said he believes in giving the fans what they want."

 

Steve nods in appreciation. "The man definitely has an idea there. But back to our dilemma. What's the tone of the series? We can't just sell it on half-nude pictures of a pretty bloke with an impressive six pack. That's not a marketing campaign, that's the cover of Men's Health. Or that rather cool one of the girl with wings spinning around, they're still clearly snaps taken when messing around. Is it grimy? Dark? Cheerful? do you have a general hook line?"

 

Mark swallows "Er..."

 

"Oh good lord, how the hell did you even manage to pitch this series to the money men?" Steve asks, wincing. "Tell me what you used. Think back to exactly what you used."

 

"Farscape meets Torchwood only competent. Defending the world against threats only they can." Greg says promptly. "the statement put out when it got picked up was 'The action-packed tale of a set of superheroes who decide to form a team to handle the world-spanning (alien or homegrown) threats that other superhero teams aren't equipped to deal with.' How's that?"

 

"Okay, that's not bad." Steve says, rubbing his chin. "Still need a bit more of an original hook. Got a lead character? A leader? Some sort of focus point or common theme?" He pulls up some images. "Look, Battlestar Galactica, when they rebooted it, went for the villains and threat. Grimy good-looking soldiers are all very well, but they're still grimy soldiers in grey. The enemy is robots. robots that look like humans, and the most recognisable is the statuesque blonde in the red dress. They reinforced that, then added the red flash in the eyes. Hundreds of fucking robots backing up a statuesque blonde. Robots could be your best fucking friend, they could be your wife or husband or boss, you wouldn't know, the threat's within. Red and black and blonde. 'They look like us. they act like us.' War statements of paranoia, that's selling it. True Blood. Amazing, amazing bodies. Flesh and mouths and sexy biting and blood trickling in an erotic way." More images. "OZ: prisons and glass and menacing cons and stark prison imagery. Deadwood: we are cowboys and we are grimy. the Wire: Look at us, we're serious cops and gangsters and we could not give a shit about you. You're so much fucking collateral. Hawaii five-O, the recent series: Pretty people and explosions in paradise." He puts his hands back on the desk. "Come on, throw me a fucking bone here that I can work with. You've got good material, i just need to sell it for you to the public. Catch their imagination, because all I know right now is that it's comics. what separates your Superman from the bloke in blue with the cape?"

 

Rabia's eyes narrow. "Our lot will fuck you up if you put a foot wrong. they're here to do a job, not kiss babies."

 

"Good, good. Fuck you up i can work with. And here to do a job." Steve says, making notes. "Got a villain?"

 

"Not really. They change each arc." Greg says. "Mad terrorist, blue aliens from a parallel earth..."

 

"Too disparate." Steve says dismissively. "All right, not villains. Got a leader?"

 

Rabia points at the pictures of the girl in white. "Her. Jenny Sparks."

 

"Relatively unassuming." Steve notes. "Interesting that her image isn't knock out or all that tough, I know she was tough as nails in Robin hood. I know the character's electricity based, but... anything more?"

 

"Hundred years old, alcoholic, pessimist, been fighting to make the world a better place against all the shit that gets thrown at it all her life." mark says. "How's that?"

 

"Not bad." Steve says. "hmm. give me a minute." He stares down at his notes and the pictures for a bit. Then a bit more. Then a bit more, occasionally moving one around. Finally he takes a deep breath. "Okay, if we go with the disparate coming together thing with a general vibe of 'these people will fuck you up if they have to' threat thing - it's power, it's all converging and they're going to be doing something with it." Looks up at the producers. "How's that?" He moves the pictures some more, and points to the Doctor. "Him?"

 

"World's shaman. the Doctor." Greg says promptly.

 

Steve hisses disapprovingly. "Oh, that's a right bugger for selling to the sci-fi crowd, that is. Doctor Who's already got a fix on that brand. Bit different, you've not got a lunatic wandering space and time, but still...."

 

Mark grins. "It's heavily implied that one of his past incarnations was one of the old Doctor Whos."

 

Steve grins. "Oh, nice one. Seriously, though, if you ever get into an interview on one of the Brit sci-fi sites, there's quite a few influential ones, word to the wise. You have Doctor Who the show but the characters are the Doctor. Just The Doctor. not 'Doctor Who' they'll notice and they're legion. And organised."

 

"Come across this problem before?" Mark says sympathetically.

 

"To put it mildly." Steve says. "Bad, bad case of foot in mouth. They were mocked. Viciously."

 

PR Offices

 

Steve looks at the screens, then back at the team. "Right, first job is images. one sheets to tie in with character idents, to get the public to go 'who the fuck are this lot?', then we go in for a trailer that's all mood... Everyone look at the rushes and the pilot, read the damn comics, and then start submitting your idea for the idents, we can tease the one sheets from that. trailer will be more of a unifying thing, but we do not explain shit in the trailer. I want massive, donkey punch of anticipation. We also need a Winter is Coming style ident... Christ, why isn't this Game of Thrones? Game of Thrones would be easy, compared to superheroes. there were snowy wastelands and fucking great swords and executions, not to mention the original writer had dreamt up all these mottos. Mottos are good when they're short. Easy to put on a t-shirt." He crosses his fingers and un-crosses them again. "Superheroes, why did they give me unknown superheroes? Superheroes have logos. Heroes the tv series had a logo. This does not. All the image they used in the comics adverts - I know, i looked them up and threatened people with the originals - blonde girl with a fag in her hand looking arrogant and people flying across the picture. Everyone in comics uses people flying across the picture, it's like they've never got their heads out of the mentality of people bursting through paper rings in the circus in the 1930s." He takes a breath and muses "Suppose it works as an analogy since it's not like they've stopped producing muscled lads and lasses in brightly coloured skintight lycra hitting each other. but we need to be more, we have to get the public interested."

 

Eoin's got his brow furrowed, twirling a pen in his fingers. "You said you wanted an image for the Winter is Coming ident, what about doing a fade? I know the general thing of this show is 'saving the world', so we could go one of those almost silhouettes - you know, like the Bond films do. Lit from behind so you get them in shadow."

 

Steve frowns. "Possibly usable. The saving the world tagline, definitely. 'The Authority: Saving the World. Date.' Yeah, that works." He points at Eoin. "You can stay." He pauses. "Still got to come up with an image."

 

"Emphasise 'world'?" Emily asks. "Flying above the world, sun...?"

 

"...maybe." Steve says, then makes batting motions. "Get to work, bring me ideas for idents."

 

_The-carrier.net_

 

First teaser

 

Okay, here we go, first teaser trailer for the show below.

 

A blur of action, a wall exploding, fading out into the back view of a figure of a woman looking down on the earth from a spaceship. Saving The World. The Authority.

 

So, what do you think? Tell your friends.

 

_Bleeding Cool_

 

The first - teaser - trailer has appeared on The-Carrier.net, HBO's making of The Authority site. What do we think? It's intriguing, certainly, and sets up the tone of the show as action. it's not got the spookiness of 'Winter is Coming', but we'll let you decide.

 

Comments!

 

thestingo writes:

Well, start as you mean to go on, it appears.

 

Brassmonkey writes:

Okay, that's clearly Jenny looking down on the earth there.

>Mangoman writes:

I like the way they're setting her up as powerful and kind of lonely. Suits her.

>>Ivantheterrible

When she's not drunkenly shagging people...

 

_EW.com_

 

First pictures from The Authority, HBO's new big ticket show about a superhero team that's dedicated to fighting world-spanning threats. Slideshow below.

 

image: swift flying into action.

image: Apollo and Midnighter walking together in the Carrier.

image: The Doctor surrounded by trees.

image: Jenny Sparks taking a drag from a cigarette in a shadowed corner.

image: Angie, hand morphed into a gun

image: Everyone sat around the table in the control room while Jenny stands at its side.

image: jack wiping blood off his face, grimacing.

 

@AngelHarker

These pics make my left side look really good.

 

@ShipDrew

But you still look really weird blonde.

 

@BellaGarcia

my pics are clearly an object lesson in 'how to look good naked'.

 

@Zoommei

WIIIIIINGS. Are they not glorious?

 

 

Trailer début time in the offices of HBO marketing.

 

Amy dims the lights, and they switch it on on the big screen on the wall.

 

Establishing shot of blue sky, everything looks calm, and from the horizon a bird flaps its wings, getting closer. Closer and it's not a bird, it's a woman and she's gaining speed. There's a drumbeat, and a man in red goggles is meditating in the middle of a glade of trees. Panning down, it becames obvious that he's floating above the ground, and the ground isn't grass or packed earth, it's cracked pavement, and the cracks are glowing. Panning up, the sky is... whirling. Another drumbeat. A masked man in a long leather coat is kneeling on the ground, cradling a man in white carefully, the pose showing obvious intimacy between the men. Drumbeat. A man in a suit balls up against being pelted with broken glass as a skylight breaks. Drumbeat. A woman - no, an android shaped like a woman rises up through coils of wire and fibre optics, wires making up what appears to be hair flaring out as she rises. Drumbeat. The man in the leather coat looms out of a dark alley as the camera passes it. Drumbeat. The man in white he'd been cradling grins, the grin of someone about to do something very dangerous and he's going to enjoy it. Drumbeat. A young blond woman in white is lit by the spark from her fingers that sizzles up into a long line of electricity from her fingers to the light-bulb above her, casting the room into light, then using the spark to light a cigarette. She takes a drag from it, blowing the smoke out, and speaks. English. So very English. "Pretty mess you've got yourself in there, haven't you, sunshine?"

 

The drumbeat goes up to pounding bass, and the flashes of action and scenes speed up - fights, people hitting each other, the man in the suit leaping from a high point, gunfire, alien skies, the man in goggles standing staring up at giant figures that look like witch doctors and shamen, and then there's a flash of lightning and the screen falls silent, and it pans to the woman in white standing in a door, fag in hand as she taps the ash off, and she speaks again, contemptuous. "You've had your fun pissing about. Want to do some real work?" Drumbeat as the screen goes black, and there's another crackle of electricity across the screen, words flashing up, and the woman's voice says 'Somebody has to save the world' as the words flash up. The Authority. 2013.

 

Everyone in the room claps. Rabia grins. "Oh, very nice. Good job."

 

Eoin sighs. "Anji still thinks we could shave a second or so off the early clips, make it that fraction tighter." he rubs his stubble. "Now I'm not completely sure, but.."

 

"If we let you and Anji loose, we'd never get it finished." Steve says. "You're as bad as make-up artists on photoshoots, you are."

 

"Pity we couldn't use 'There has to be somebody left to save the world'." Greg says. "I always liked that one. It's more poetic and it's a direct quote."

 

"Problem being that it's a bit ambiguous and implies everyone else is dead." Steve points out, sipping his tea. "We needed a good line that summed up the mission. This works. Christ, I like 'There has to be a world left to save', but that screams 'someone's running riot and while we need to stop them we need to make the civilians and puppies are okay'. You might as well be ending on an image of a mum raising her baby into the air while sun comes through the patio doors on a summer day. And make the viewers throw up. this is HBO, not fucking soppy Hollywood rom com territory. they ended Battlestar Galactica like that and it was completely fucking wrong, never mind that tacked on moral I slept through. damp fucking squib like no other damp fucking squib."

 

Mark grins. "Someone's a bitter fan."

 

Steve shrugs. "Not denying it, I just think it was a crap ending. Whole series is one theme about desperate striving and living from day to day and the sacrifices you have to make and dark and horrible and suddenly it's wandering off into the green fields because they've run out of road and didn't know what else to write. Christ, the end of the previous season was better, where they get to the first earth and it's a post-nuclear wasteland. Fitted better. I make my living knowing how to use image and making an audience want to tune in. I've read the comic, I've seen the rushes and photos. Poetic works in context, it works great when Jenny Sparks is explaining why she's founded the team at the end of the pilot because someone has to do the job. But it does not fucking work as a tagline."

 

"You're just not a writer, are you?" mark asks.

 

"Nope." Steve says. "Thank Christ. Now we show this to the brass, then stick it on the end of ...which of our big tickets were we going with? anyway. Announcements up on the blog and twitter and the word mailed out to the news sites to drum up the number of people that tune in with time of showing, then up on the web five minutes after that. yell at your blog people and tell them to be on time with this, I want the web fucking buzzing and you lot monitoring the comments feeds to see where we've gone wrong and what we need to push to tweak the idents." He pauses, sipping his tea again. "And that includes ONTD. Amy, you're the one with membership, first opinion?"

 

"As a pro, a fan or a random ONTD troll?" Amy asks, biting her lip. Being the fansite and gossip site monitor on the marketing team does strange things to parts of your brain you never knew about.

 

"Random ONTD troll." Steve says. "Not ONTD_authority, that's the drooling fangirls who already know the comic. Go."

 

Amy takes a deep breath. "DUDE. SHINY. OOO, PRETTY. BRING ON THE GIFS, MY CHILDREN. I would so heart the electric powers. ...They're the gay ones, right? Androids? Seriously? Wow, could he look more like a goth wet dream of a pimp? Did Batman walk into a leather bar? EW, DO NOT WANT. Like Batman isn't gay. Blinders. OFF. DO NOT WANT. And neither does this gif of Gizmo. Or this gif of someone from Buffy making an 'ew' face. ...That's the chick who played marian in Robin Hood, right? She looked tougher as Marian when she was beating people up. And that's Guy of Gisburne in the suit. Actually beating people up. ...That's Guy of Gisburne? Yep, that's why you need to watch it. Wow, tell me he's single. Sorry, he's going out with electricity girl in the trailer."

 

The writers stare at her. "...Really?"

 

Amy nods. "According to research and experience. It'll vary a bit, but that's the general gist of what ONTD reaction will be. But it'll be five pages' worth."

 

Rabia's still eyeing her. "It's disturbing how much you sound like Mei in deranged speed demon mode."

 

Eoin grins. "Mad gossip-obsessed commentators reproduce Welsh Top Gear obsessives in real life. Who knew."

 

_ONTD_Authority_

TRAILER!

 

embedded video

 

Oh my word it's shiny.

 

Philpot :

I just... *FLAILS*. SHINY.

 

Greengirl:

So. Many. Buttons. Pushed.

>Jenjen:

Apollo and Midnighter just... Oh god. Midnighter holding him like that. SO MANY FEELINGS.

>>Remainsoftheray

PRAISE BE TO THE GODS OF HBO, WE WILL GET BED SCENES.

 

Fleeble:

All possible doubts about Angel harker as Jenny have been erased from continuity. :stares: She's... can I be her when I grow up?

 

DeeDeePen

I wish to subscribe to Angie's class for alien-looking android. And I want her fibre optic wig.

>Lena

It really is kind of awesome. And very shiny.

>>Deedeepen

Very very shiny. With added LEDS. :pets:

 

Gisburnefan:

I can totally, totally cope with Drew spending the entire time looking like an Armani advert.

>L4yercake

Dammit, Angel, why did you get there first?

 

Eoin's frowning at the mock-ups when Amy joins him and hands him a cuppa. he takes it reflexively, only slightly burning his tongue. "What's the problem this time?" She asks.

 

"Something about this one is bothering me." Eoin says, pointing at the Apollo mock-up. "It's all supposed to be a little off, a little dangerous, right? He's happy and smiling and there's no bloody threat."

 

"He's fucking superman, sweetheart, Superman isn't threatening until you see him take someone out, and even then you'd still hand over your baby." Amy says unsympathetically. "Just go with it. Apollo even shits rainbows because he's got a boyfriend who'd turn the world upside down for him but gets on with the job because it's his job and he was conditioned into it by Special Ops."

 

Eoin eyes her, taking another sip of scalding milk and sugar with a hint of tea. "You've been hanging around the fanfic, haven't you?"

 

"No, just the ship manifesto and fandom guide." She pauses. "But the fanfic and related fan activity has rocketed since the actors started posting photos from the set. Give 'em visuals that even slightly hint at a look, and specific faces rather'n comics..." Amy smiles beatifically. "The Internet, she is for Porn."

 

Eoin mutters "You've been stalking the fans for too long if you can capitalise things like that." he pauses. "I caught you doing fansquee and heart-hands yesterday, too."

 

"Terrible, terrible habits." Amy agrees. "On the other hand, I now know far more about the inner workings and codes of a strange and terrible world that's eternally mostly closed to you as a straight-ish male. it's strangely comforting." She pauses, tilting her head and looking at the posed stuff they'd decided on for one sheets and posters. "Still, take away the quotage, some of these don't look that dangerous. I mean, the Jenny one we've got for the main poster?" She gestures at the image. Profile, mostly in shadow, with a clenched fist crackling with electricity. 'Someone has to save the world.' The Authority. "Not that menacing. Very eye-catching graphic, though."

 

@ShipDrew

Oh, photoshoots, my old friend...

 

@Gavster

@ShipDrew at least there's no horse this time.

 

@ShipDrew

@Gavster True. But the brooding is mostly the same. But he won't let me sneer. i do a great sneer.

 

_The-Carrier.net_

New preview trailer!

 

the camera circles and pans steadily, always on the move. Never staying still.

 

Midnighter: A dark figure looms out of an alleyway, streetlight catching the slick puddles and wet leather and the voiceover growls. "I know what moves you're preparing to make. I've fought our fight already in my head, a million different ways. i can hit you without you even seeing me."

 

The Engineer: Gleaming chrome surroundings. Almost too bright. An android-looking woman with fibre optic dreads that writhe restlessly is looking at her hand, close-up. The voiceover is pleasant, speculative. "I replaced my blood with nine pints of nanomachinery. I can manipulate it into doing *anything*."

 

jack Hawksmoor: A window ledge, in a city somewhere. The man standing on it has his hands in his pockets as the wind whips at his clothing. He's clearly high-up. "I can feel the city's heart beating, and feel the tread of the people and cars running along its veins. Just because I can hear the city screaming doesn't mean I have to like the inhabitants."

 

Swift: A woman with giant wings, standing on a cliff overlooking a canyon, tracing patterns in the dust with her foot. "I can feel the currents in the air changing, telling me which way to fly to seek my prey. Time to hunt."

 

The Doctor. Aurora borealis, and a man strolling along underneath it. Everything in his wake... ripples. "The world goes on further than you think. I can see it all, and it's beautiful. and sometimes it needs a little... twist."

 

Apollo: A man in a white top and white combats flying up into the clouds, against the sun. So bright he's glowing, and there's halos on the screen. "I joined up to fight for a better world. Just do it on a bigger scale now."

 

Jenny Sparks: Figure sitting curled up on a roof, lit cigarette in hand, the murky grey skyline behind her. "I'm a hundred years old and I control electricity. Some bugger once called me the spirit of the century. He was drunk." Pause. "Christ I need a drink..."

 

Group shot, mostly in shadow, close up on Jenny looking down. She raises her hand, and electricity runs along it, lighting her face. "But someone has to save the world." She whispers.

 

The Authority.

 

April 17.


	11. Chapter 11

"Interview time!" Theo says cheerfully, strolling into the canteen everyone's lurking in given that it's a relatively early start.

 

Angel eyes him, inhaling coffee fumes while it's still too hot to drink. "Is he speaking English?"

 

Drew slings an arm round her waist and kisses her temple as she cradles the coffee. "I think so. it may be producer speak."

 

Isabella twitches. "Everyone knows producer speak isn't English. Especially if they're perky at this time of morning."

 

Theo ignores them. "The next two days, we have reporters, people. You'll be giving those all important 'interviews on set' that make it looks so exclusive. remember, these are not the mad interns filming the snippets for the behind the scenes stuff, it's publicity. Little anecdotes, opinions, make sure you say how fabulous it is, be very actory if you want - especially you, Isabella, a lot of these are American reporters, they'll be impressed about the Shakespeare company thing and get starry-eyed . You won't necessarily be having photos taken right now, but make sure you're presentable as several of them will be carrying video cameras."

 

"We're as presentable as makeup can make us." Isabella yawns.

 

"Some being more presentable than others." Gavin says, casting a glance at Simon, who appears to be asleep on his feet and only upright due to being propped up by Ross. "What did you do last night, Ross?"

 

Ross doesn't look in the slightest bit guilty. "Sometimes, you have to defend your title as Assassins Creed champion. it was valiantly fought."

 

Theo glances at him. "At least he doesn't have eyebags. Shovel red bull and coffee into him before he goes on set." He pauses and pulls out his phone. "Oh, and we have magazines and so on. After Elton, Out, Gay Times, Attitude for starters for you two."

 

Ross blinks. "...Seriously, how many gay publications are there?"

 

"Also Men's Health." Gavin volunteers, amused. "Given the muscles."

 

Drew facepalms. "Oh, christ, I can't believe I'm going to have to talk about my fitness regime."

 

Simon shrugs. "Mine's called 'go to the gym a lot'."

 

"Mine's called 'high energy dance routines daily'. With added martial arts." Drew says. "But oh no, they'll want press up details and diet and 'how to get a body like this'." he pauses, then asks "Don't I get to do the gay ones?"

 

"...Only if they ask." Theo says, a little confused.

 

"They will, they perved enough over me as Gisburne." Drew says, then waves a hand towards himself. "Also bisexual and in musical theatre. Photo of 'what's hot this month' at the very least."

 

Angel pats him on the cheek. "Your ego is just fine, honestly."

 

"What, I've been through this before. Just watch out if they try to put you in a fashion shoot, their idea of clothing that suits you is not of this planet." Drew says, then starts counting off on his fingers. "GQ can be real tossers, just constantly smile. then there's comicstore news, and bleeding cool and the like...."

 

Ross grins. "we promise to geek happily at them."

 

"Riiiiiight." theo says, scrolling to the next page. "Girls, you're -"

 

"Not. Fucking. Doing. Loaded, FHM or Maxim." Angel states, taking another sip of her coffee. "It's in my contract. Under 'self-respect' and 'if they want to see me half naked, buy a ticket to a play or the dvd where I'm guaranteed to be naked. And there's no photoshopping."

 

"Good thing I checked it, then." Theo says dryly.

 

"Good." Mei says. "I have no problem with appearing in soft porn as long as I'm paid porn rates."

 

"never let it be said you were cheap." Angel says.

 

"Damn right. I'm expensive, I am." Mei says, checking her manicure.

 

"Anyway." Theo continues. "You've got the broadsheets and SFX."

 

GQ

 

"So, who causes the most trouble on set?"

 

Ross and Simon look shifty. "We deny everything. Except Angel's longbow. We may be danger-sense impaired but we're not stupid. No fucker touches that."

 

"Living in the UK?"

 

Ross shrugs. "It's the Authority. I was willing to arrange accidents to get a part. Learning to cope with their public transport system and lack of normal food was a small price to pay."

 

"Some day, I'm going to wipe all marmite from the face of the earth." Simon muses.

 

"Auditions?"

 

"I auditioned for Hawksmoor, Apollo and Midnighter." Ross says. "Happy with any of them, but they had a preference for the guy who can literally run up walls. it saves on stunt doubles. But dude, I'm playing Batman without the need for massive therapy on a big-ticket HBO show. How cool is that? Plus: coat."

 

"Costume has threatened to abandon you in the hen night zone in just your shorts if you ever consider stealing it." Simon reminds him.

 

"So, you, Simon?"

 

"Got put up for Apollo for my agent and told to work out. She chucked me the script and told me he was basically Superman . then I found out they were the first out superhero couple in comics, as well as being ex special ops and not just kansas farm boy. Which definitely made it stand out even if it wasn't HBO."

 

"You didn't audition for Midnighter?"

 

"Nope. I've played menacing and a few mobsters, but I've mostly played nice guys, so don't give off those 'may kill you in your sleep' vibes like he does."

 

"I do not." Ross objects.

 

Simon stares at him. "...You were in a WB show as the ex who goes off his rocker. there was a reason they cast you. and you were in Supernatural for a bit."

 

Ross grins. "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies."

 

"How's portraying a couple working out?"

 

"We bitch, we snipe, and very occasionally we get emotional when the other gets hurt, but in a very restrained way." Simon says. "Seems to work."

 

"So how was all the fighting? I know you, Simon, have played quite a few soldiers and physical roles, how does it compare to Pride and Fall?"

 

Simon scratches his head. "Well, there's no guns in this. and my fight scenes are kind of odd, since I'm supposed to be much, much stronger than everyone else. It's like hit, pause, hit the air, they'll work that bit out in post production and CGI it in. Possibly the weirdest one was where we got attacked by sword wielders. Trying to fight those off when you're on the ground and don't have any weapons..." He pauses. "Most of my physical stuff involves wire work for flying. Which puts strains on muscle groups you'd never even heard of."

 

Ross leans forward. "I'm enjoying it, but it's all choreographed and a lot's done in close-up to make it look more like I know what I'm doing. If I take my feet off the floor, bang, stunt man. Admittedly it's a lot easier for make-up since they don't have to worry about having to mess around with wigs for me." He cocks his head towards Simon "I've been perfecting how to menace people, though. I now do a really scary loom and grab of chin and hiss into people's faces."

 

"You're not Drew, is what you're sulking about when it comes to 'not as much as I'd like', is what you're saying." Simon points out.

 

"Yeah, but he's Drew." Ross says. "He's actually got his stunt credentials. you turn round and he's doing a mid-air spinning round house, or flipping over your head - seriously, there's this one fight scene where I'm grappling with a guy and he actually flipped over my head. no lie. Oh, and that thing with swords? He choreographed that, so if there was even a chance we got an injury we were totally going to blame him."

 

_SFX_

 

Angel Harker first got our notice in Robin Hood with her practical, vicious portrayal of Marion, which was her first major tv role. Which she insists was at least half won due to having her own longbow, so could cut down on filming time by making the shots herself. She's done the occasional bit of tv and film, but is mostly a stage actress along with her boyfriend Drew Shipley who played Guy of Gisburne in the series. And now she's landed the role of Jenny Sparks in HBO's adaptation of Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch's The Authority. At this rate, she's going to become geekdom's new favourite actress.

 

Right now she's complaining about the fact that she's the only one of the cast who doesn't get to hit people aside from Gavin Detori who's playing The Doctor. "Gavin's way too mellow to be worried about this. I like being physical! I've asked the producers if we can shoehorn in an excuse for me to at least glass someone in one of the flashback scenes, but no, Jenny doesn't bother to hit people when she can electrocute them instead because it's less effort. Drew's being a spoilsport and backing them up on this." Angel pouts. "Even Isabella gets to shoot people as Angie." Another sigh. "So, perfecting my Palpatine impressions. Ian Mcdiurmid is my new acting role model, and it's not often you get to say that if you're female. maybe I can swap tips with Fassbender on playing characters who can kill you with gestures. Jenny Sparks and Magneto team up during the sixties when he's on his nazi-hunting mission. She's got cause, since she spied during the war." There's a pause. "Admittedly he'd probably dump Jenny after the third or so time she got completely rat arsed. And then get really pissed off when she met him a few years later when he was in costume and fell over laughing due to the cape and helmet. Course, he doesn't dare try anything because his stock in trade's metal, which is really not a power you want to have if you get on the wrong side of someone who controls electricity."

 

When asked what she thinks about the role itself, besides it being with HBO "Which equals budget up to *here*. Seriously, the BBC would've killed for this." the first thing out of her mouth is "I hone my grumpiness. It's a thing. I knew the story and character already due to Drew being a comics fan and the graphic novels are all round the flat, and they're a good read. Unlike some of the other stuff he's got. But yeah, the idea of playing someone who's over a century old and been fighting for a better world the whole way through... it's like if Doctor Who were female and believed in getting involved in world events, and really, really wasn't a pacifist. Especially the secret agent stuff. And then spent half his time drunk because it's the only way to numb all the disappointments. Maybe me and Matt Smith should have a face-off over who does old soul in a young body better. God, I'd have killed to play Jean in Christopher and His Kind, but I was in the middle of a play, so there was no way i was getting anywhere near Berlin. Jenny copes by getting off her face, the Doctor copes by running away. Oh, and she's got better dress sense." Jack harkness is nominated as another option. Angel starts sniggering. "the problem with Barrowman is that I acted against him when I was a kid, so we'd probably start giggling. as for Jack vs Jenny - come on. Secret alien stuff throughout the century? He'll shag anything if it's pretty and Jenny's pretty much perfected the drunken shag. If they exist in the same universe, they're old muckers and have been since Jenny was a teenager and got involved in the weird stuff. They both agree that alien blue princes are completely selfish bastards and crap in bed, so just not worth the aggro."

 

_Attitude_

 

Ross Hunter and Simon Kowalski have no personal space. None.

 

"Ross has always been very touchy feely and developed Stockholm Syndrome very early on in filming." Simon says as Ross idly pokes at Simon's earrings. Apparently they're not sitting right. Simon ignores him.

 

"Other way round." Ross protests. "Although it may be a case of playing an old married couple day in day out. Transference. And the studio put us up in a flat together."

 

"And he's not a complete scum bag so we hang out quite a bit off set." Simon adds.

 

"All about the Angel torment, really." Ross muses, finally leaving Simon's earrings alone, then grins wickedly. "That girl is way too much fun to annoy."

 

"Weird bits... " Simon muses, glances towards Ross, and Ross nods. "well, the flashback episode was weird to film. the one that goes over the whole Apollo / Midnighter origin - how they got their powers, how they get closer and to the point where they join The Authority. Besides the fact that we spent a good few scenes naked, and not in a glamorous or sexy way, we're meant to be on the run from the government after the whole super-secret black ops project that gives them their powers goes tits up and we're sleeping in abandoned warehouses and haven't washed for ages." he winces. "I dread to think what the characters are supposed to have smelled like at that stage. But the main stumbling block in that episode was the fact that we had to act out our initial attraction to each other."

 

"And lust. Don't forget the lust." Ross adds, leering for effect. "Seriously. Look at this. Wouldn't you?"

 

"Shush, you." Simon says, pushing the side of his head. "You get to geek out, I get to explain this bit. We'd learned to automatically act like an old married couple - comfortable in each others' space, little touches, no personal space, all this non-verbal stuff and looks that the directors can actually tell us 'can I have long suffering look number three for this bit' and we can do it. And suddenly we're having to be skittish and tentative. You know, stares that last too long, not touching when we're talking, reacting when the other person touches you -"

 

"Yeah, the direction most heard during that episode was 'Move the hand!'." Ross says, scratching his neck in discomforted memory.

 

"Yeah, apparently there's a big difference on camera between when you put your hand here -" Simon turns Ross to face him, putting his hand on Ross' shoulder, then shifts it closer to his neck. "- And here."

 

Ross chuckles, quoting again. "You've only done back-alley blow jobs, you don't even like each other yet! He thinks you smile too much, and you think he's an eerie uncommunicative bastard even if he is hot. You do not know how he sodding well likes his feet rubbed!" He pauses, then continues. "And don't relax when he puts his hand on the back of your neck, you're a highly trained special ops killer! Oh my god, Simon, are you - stop rubbing circles into his shoulder with your thumb on automatic!" Simon's covering his face and shaking his head. Ross grins and pats him on the arm. "It's okay, sweetheart, these things happen."

 

Simon groans. "The sad thing is that that's near perfect quotage from the AD at one point. God knows what's going to happen if we're ever cast as brothers or colleagues. 'er, we didn't write this as incestuous or as boyfriends. can you stop doing that?' " Simon grins. "Pavlovian reaction, soon as the cameras roll."

 

"Course, if it's enemies, that'll just give us an obsessive edge. in the 'they have history, don't they, could they please get a room together and leave us out of it?'." Ross says. "Note to agents and casting directors, if the other person is cast, please only cast the other one as his opposite."

 

So were there ever problems with intimacy? neither of you have ever played gay before, right?

 

"Oh, Angel and Drew got everyone drunk, then chucked us in bed together and ordered us to fuck to get over any intimacy issues." Ross says cheerily. "You do not say no to the medieval weaponry masters. He can gut you and she can fill you full of holes. He made me sleep in the wet spot, though. Bastard."

 

Simon nods in agreement. "Our muscles are gym muscles, there to look good in front of the camera. Theirs are from dancing and wielding big bits of metal. Solid rock like things. They kick like mules." He eyes Ross. "Besides, you snore. You deserved the wet spot."

 

"So he says. I think he's just mean. But your gym muscles did satisfy costuming." Ross says, flicking Simon in the bicep. "Is there an ep where you don't get shirtless?"

 

Simon raises an eyebrow. "You speak treason. I have a very important role in this series, and it is eyecandy."

 

 

_Comicstore News_

 

Right, first things first. We know you're complete Warren Ellis fanboys. How was it getting the role?

 

Drew Shipley: My girlfriend (Angel Harker, who if you're blind and deaf, is playing Jenny Sparks) had to sit on me. There may have been dunking in cold water involved.

 

Ross Hunter: I went out and got very happily drunk and destroyed people's eardrums in karaoke bars.

 

Is it true you both interviewed for all the roles except the Doctor?

 

Drew: I would have been fabulous as Jenny. and I look better blonde than Angel does. Angel hates being blonde. I'd've been happy as anything they offered me, really. Little cameo of random person being beaten up? Fine with that. I may have tipped the balance in favour of Jack Hawksmoor instead of Apollo and Midnighter by doing backflips in the audition and listing my martial arts training and stuntman credentials.

 

Ross: yeah, he stole that role away from everyone. Bastard. Seriously, how do you compete with someone who can actually run up walls and has previous on being a sarcastic bastard in a pretty high profile role? So instead I had to settle for Midnighter and perfect my menacing air because Simon's prettier than me, so got Apollo. Also: coat.

 

Drew: His attachment to that coat is a little disturbing.

 

Ross: Not as bad as Mei's thing for her wings.

 

Drew: God yeah. she'd get them surgically grafted on if they actually worked. She fully admits the entire reason she took the role was to get the wings.

 

So, playing the characters?

 

Drew: Jack Hawksmoor. God of the Cities. How can i not love my life? I get to kick arse, I get to be a Warren Ellis character, I get to tell my girlfriend what her character should be doing, I get to act out all the immensely cool things in the comic i loved - during the Blue Albion story line, when the Carrier gets invaded by the cavalry? I was in charge of the choreography and planning of that scene because I've done the mowing down peasants thing from horseback. the odd scene covered in Regis' guts in a cold wet graveyard at arse o'clock in the morning? Totally worth it.

 

Ross: the problem is that I now know what it's like to be a peasant due to that scene. And fighting against horses was *weird*. But dude. I am basically batman. Batman without the massive, massive need for therapy and in a stable relationship, as written by Warren Ellis so I have cooler lines. One of the first out superhero couples which is amazing and really important.

 

Drew: Speaking as a bisexual comic geek who was into martial arts, definitely important. and because it's HBO, they're not going to shy away from it.

 

Ross: Oh, they shied away. If by shied away you mean 'more sex scenes than the rest of the others put together and having kissed Simon more than I've kissed any other actor'. the director once didn't say cut because they had bets on how long we could keep it going. and we get to do the origin episode from Stormwatch! ...Remind me, do we fudge the whole Stormwatch thing?

 

Drew: it's in there that Jenny, Jack and Shen were part of the black ops part of a superhero team previously, but i can't remember if they actually mention Stormwatch. Have to check the final versions.

 

Anything else you can give away?

 

Drew: There's lots of little throwaway things the writers put in there.

 

Ross: Oh, yeah, they tweaked the end. it's not the same as the comics.

 

Drew: Considering it is after the turn of the century and it's set in the present day, they definitely tweaked the end. but yeah, the story is a bit different from the 'God comes back to shape the Earth to his liking' because that's pretty hard to get right on camera.

 

Drew: Also Warren visited the set. We considered dying happy but instead offered tribute as is right and proper when encountering Internet Jesus.

 

Ross: I'm now lobbying to get Transmetropolitan made. and knee-capping Karl Urban so I can get his role in the RED sequel.

 

Any other superhero roles you'd like to do?

 

Drew: Considering I've already got Guy of Gisburne under my belt for iconic baddies... I'd love to be Pete Wisdom. But for costumes... um. I really like all the casting for the recent superhero films, and I never really wanted to be any of them. Plus I did get to be in Captain America as the Hydra agent who shoots Dr Erskine. Um. Dick Grayson as Nightwing would be fun, plus it's another acrobatic role.

 

Ross: The question is whether you've got the ass for it. Dick canonically has the best ass in the DCU, remember?

 

Drew: Dancer. My arse is to die for by definition. Plus I'm English, which automatically puts me streets ahead in casting for iconic american superheroes.

 

Ross: I'm going to ignore that last comment. as for me... I'd love to do Blue Beetle, but I'm pretty obviously not a teenager and not Mexican.

 

Drew: You'd be great as Supergirl, Peter David version.

 

Ross: Crap on a skateboard, sadly. And I'm another of those 'looks terrible blond' people. oh, I know. Starman. Jack Knight. it looks amazing, and then there's the supporting cast...

 

Drew: I vote Benedict Cumberbatch - no, scratch that, I vote Mark Gatiss as The Shade in that. Peter Wingfield if he's not available, but definitely Mark Gatiss as first choice.


	12. Chapter 12

@RossHunter01

I didn't know Afghanistan looked like Wales...

 

@StreetcarJr

@RossHunter01 Shows what you know... here, have a clip from a BBC documentary http://youtube.com/ashDF3

 

Simon shades his eyes, looking out at the scenery. "How did they get it this sunny?"

 

"Human sacrifice." Kemal says, producing his fatigues. "Are you sure you're going to be okay wearing something that has pigment in it?"

 

"Funny." Simon replies, taking them off him. "If you want to be worried about someone, be worried about Ross. he's been wailing about his coat."

 

"Wailing?" Kemal asks. "You're kidding, right?"

 

"Sniffling as well. And sulking. I had to drag him out of the flat. In the end I enlisted the cat." Simon says, pulling his own t-shirt off and the uniform vest on.

 

"The cat?" Kemal asks, handing him the shirt and dog tags. "Are you telling me you still haven't named it yet?"

 

"Ross tried, but it looked at him and dug a claw into his hand pointedly, so we reckoned it had views." Simon shrugs. "it knows who it is, it just about deigns to wear a collar, we're good."

 

"You know your place." Kemal grins. "Man, my sister's like this about her cat."

 

"Yep. We serve it food and keep it in catnip, it graces us with its presence." Simon says, shedding his jeans and pulling the combat trousers Kemal hands him on. he stretches. "Right, soldier mode engaged."

 

"You have a soldier mode? Seriously, bruv?" Kemal asks.

 

"Played a few of them." Simon says. "It's a state of mind. Involves having 'cocksucker' coming out of your mouth every two seconds."

 

"Right, so you turn into my cousin. Good to know." Kemal passes over the socks and boots. "So what're you filming today?"

 

"Initial attraction." Simon grins. "You know, the 'okay, they're interesting...' moment and the other person looks back."

 

"Cool. So you think he's fit, then what?" Kemal asks.

 

"Then we get tapped for top secret project, get our bodies completely rewired and he develops an unhealthy obsession with his coat and we kick alien ass on a mad englishwoman's orders." Simon runs a hand through his hair. "It's a living."

 

Simon strolls out to see Ross leaning against one of the jeeps they've brought in for the whole army camp thing. Ross whistles. "Oh, very nice. Soldier boy's a good look for you, Si."

 

"Yeah, well, the question is whether you'll be convincing." Simon says, stepping close and tugging Ross's shirt into place. "Jeez, have some respect for the uniform, will you? You look like you've been rolling around in it. You don't do this with your normal clothes."

 

"Yessir." Ross grins, submitting to the attention. "It's like a whole new you."

 

"Some of us have done this before. Stand up straighter and you might get there some time next century." Simon says, cuffing him on the back of the head.

 

"Given that I'm supposed to be spending the whole of the next shot lounging against the jeep glaring at you, think that's not so helpful..." Ross smirks, reaching out and tugging Simon's dog tags out of his shirt, squinting at the writing. "What did they give you for a name?"

 

Simon tugs them out of his hand. "Simon Kowalski."

 

"You're fucking kidding me." Ross says in disbelief.

 

"It's not like they're going to be in close up." Simon says. "You know costume, they like the details. had to put something on there."

 

Ross frowns. "Yeah, but..."

 

"What did they put on yours, doofus?" Simon asks, holding his hand out for Ross's.

 

Ross pulls his out from his shirt for Simon's perusal. Simon snorts on reading it. "M. D. Nighter. You are fucking kidding. You are such a muppet."

 

Ross tugs them back, pouting. "I didn't want to mess up continuity. and muppet? Someone's been listening to Mei."

 

"Next, I develop an addiction to Top Gear and gain the ability to rattle off engine stats." Simon smirks.

 

"Please don't, i like my sanity." Ross says. "And what would the cat say? You'd be interrupting its tv schedule."

 

"You never know, the cat might like it. Hammond is basically a gerbil in human form. small rodents, good for chasing..." Simon grins. Ross pokes him. "Formula one?"

 

"No fucking car shows, you." Ross replies, poking him again. Simon catches his finger, tugging on it.

 

"Oi, lovebirds, stop flirting and get over here!" comes the yell from over by the tents where the crew's lurking.

 

Simon keeps his grip on Ross' finger and tows him with him. Ross blinks. "Seriously, you know you're walking completely differently? I mean, Apollo, you're clearly trained and so on, but this is..."

 

"Clothes make the performance, you know that." Simon says. "I associate this shit with having to do specific body language. So shape up or ship out."

 

"...Okay, I think I’ve got a new kink. Use that tone of voice again and I might have to jump you in front of all the crew." Ross grins.

 

"You've got to jump me anyway in front of all of them." Simon points out. "Alley scene, remember?"

 

"I'm willing to help it along by practicing." Ross says. "Method. You know. Work for my art."

 

They come to a halt in front of the crew. "We weren't flirting." Simon says, dropping Ross' finger.

 

"Please. You're more coupley than the twosome of musical evil and tap-dancing." Laura says.

 

"Reminds me, have you two got around to shagging yet?" Jinty asks.

 

"none of your business." Ross says.

 

"yes it is, there's money riding on it." Jinty replies. "We're good to go, Laura."

 

"Right, places, Staff Sergeant Apollo, in from the entrance, Midnighter the whatever your rank is, maps." Laura says. "first meeting. Sadly it's not a meet cute, but what can you do."

 

"You know he's got M. D. Nighter on his dog tags?" Simon asks as he strides into position just outside the tent. "Such. A. Muppet."

 

"I've told you, I will not allow the cat to watch Top Gear!" Ross yells.

 

Laura shakes her head. "i don't want to know what that was about. Please don't tell me, I like my brain uncluttered."

 

_The-carrier.net_

Overheard on Set

 

Why is there a sheep on set? it's not even a blow-up sheep, i'd understand that from the makeup department, they're sick, sick people.

 

Ah, the joy of applying dirt to fifty extras in DPM. Do you think I need to apply more dirt to the cute one over there?

 

There was a camera man around a minute ago, I swear there was...

 

The cat will watch Top Gear over my dead body! I don't care how much Hammond looks like an oversized gerbil, it's not good for its development!

 

You see that sheep? That's lamb koftas right there. Tasty, tasty lamb koftas.

 

Simon sips from a bottle in the bar they've set up for this scene, while all the extras shoot the shit. Over in the corner, Ross is brooding. he looks up, the cameras catch a protracted exchange of stares.

 

"....And cut." Laura says. "Very nice eye-fucking there, but it's not like you've not got enough practice at it."

 

Simon sighs. "What do we have to do to stop you saying that?"

 

"Given this entire episode is about the two of you falling in love, not any time soon."

 

She comments. "Now everyone get to the alley, we have a blow job to film. Remember, no asking, no telling, and Ross, don't you dare give Simon a hickey again, make-up nearly killed you last time, I don't care how much Rory paid you, he had to give all the money to make-up anyway."

 

Simon shoves Ross up against the wall in the alley, kissing him and biting at his throat, pulling aside his collar to avoid getting a mouthful of cloth. Ross groans, fisting his hands in the front of Simon's shirt and pulling him back up for another rough kiss, Simon pressing him up against the wall as they kiss, grinding his hips into Ross's. The kiss goes on for long enough that they take a breath for air, panting heavily. Simon dives in for another kiss, then starts pulling at Ross's belt, sliding a hand in as Ross grips his ass.

 

"Yeah." Simon pants again. "You know you want it."

 

"What is this, cheap porn?" Ross grits out. "I'm not fucking doing this because I like you. You're a grinning idiot. Get on with it."

 

Simon stops, gripping Ross's bulge. "Say please." He smirks, tracing a line down Ross's jaw with his other hand, tipping his chin up.

 

"Fuck. Off." Ross groans.

 

"And here I thought you were an uncommunicative bastard." Simon smirks again, sinking to his knees and opening Ross' fly, rubbing his cheek against what's exposed.

 

"Annnnd cut." Laura says. "Everyone take five, I need to check the angle on the shot where you went to your knees.

 

Ross pulls Simon to his feet, and by that he means pulls Simon against him as he does. "I thought there was a no hickey rule. You were biting."

 

Simon pokes at his neck. "Carefully calculated, no teeth marks. check with make-up if you don't believe me." He gives him a peck on the cheek. "Now do your fly up, you want to give them that much of a show?

 

_The-carrier.net_

 

Filming in Afghanistan

 

Or rather what's passing for it right now, which is a spot of countryside in Wales. Already I've heard enough sheep jokes to last a lifetime. This is the origin ep of Apollo and Midnighter, which means while we're out filming in the wilds, the rest of the cast and crew are either taking a rest or working on scenes in other episodes back in Pinewood. The crew have told me I'm not allowed to use this trip to Wales as a Doctor Who and Torchwood location spotting holiday. i find this deeply unfair. Mind you, I haven't seen any quarries yet.

 

@RossHunter01

Today, we get our very own team. Handing out the red shirts.

 

@StreetcarJr

@RossHunter01 Don't be mean.

 

@RossHunter01

@StreetcarJr Not being mean, being realistic. Plus: comic.

 

Simon holds his hand out. “Hi, I’m Simon, this reprobate’s Ross.” He pauses. “Don’t worry, we have him under tight control.”

 

“I deny everything, he needs treatment for his mental illness.” Ross says cheerfully. “He’s very pretty and has nice muscles but that’s about it.”

 

“Anyway, basics: there are jaffa cakes, the tea and coffee is okay, don’t touch the Garibaldis, make-up has dibs and they’ll be wielding pointy things near your face.” Simon finishes. “The second mens’ bathroom, you have to hold the lever down to get the toilets to flush. The womens’ near the entrance always runs out of paper.” He pauses. “I think that’s all the important things you need to know.”

 

Ross nudges him. “Parvi. They need to know about Parvi.”

 

“Oh. yeah. Parvi in costuming occasionally goes batshit. If you start to see her go a bit manic, offer chocolate. There are chocolate stores in the costume areas and the makeup areas, ask the others where they are if you don't have any on you. It's safer for us all.”

 

“...he is kidding, right?” Stephen asks.

 

Ross shakes his head. “Carry it anyway and watch for the twitching.”

 

@StreetcarJr

The new recruits don’t believe me about the chocolate. They will learn.

 

@BellaGarcia

@StreetcarJr If we’re talking parvi, I’m predicting the next outbreak will be tuesday. We who are about to die salute you.

 

@StreetcarJr

@BellaGarcia There is no Parvi. There is only ZOOL.

 

@BellaGarcia

@StreetcarJr I'm telling her you said that.

 

@Streetcarjr

@BellaGarcia I go armed with a 400g bar of Galaxy. She’ll forgive me.

 

@BellaGarcia

@Streetcarjr Ah, the ‘keep calm and carry chocolate’ defence.

 

It's about 2-ish in the afternoon, just after the lunch rush has died down, and in the corner of a pub, three writers, one director, one assistant director and two actors are assembled.

 

Ross scratches his head as he looks at the annotated script. "Not that I'm not grateful for the additional screentime and opportunity to torment Simon, but why'd you change it? and why am i even in this scene if it's Apollo getting his powers?" he frowns. "Besides, Apollo and Midnighter were built, not naturally superpowered."

 

Greg opens the mini cheddars. "Pretty simple. We need a link into the final arc of Change or Die. we've been dropping little bits in each episode of one of the High's group doing something, even if it's just someone in the background observing or doing something that no-one's going to have any idea is actually significant. If we have some of the doomed Justice League activated, that means we can get Wish in as the consultant doing that. Midnighter, still technically human since most of his changes are neural, and that's plausible if far-fetched procedure." He frowns, looking down at his notes. "Or at least that's what Warren's whisky-stained ancient notebook that he unearthed from the bowels of a rancid badger says." He puts a cheddar in his mouth, chews, swallows and continues. "Apollo, it's surgical procedure that would be verging into the realms of magic, you'd have to re-write his DNA for it at the very least, and as we've not specifically referred to any other 'built' super powered beings, it's plausible that he could've been identified as a latent powered human. One little push to his dna and there you go. hence Wish."

 

Ross nods. "...Okay, that makes sense."

 

Simon blinks, sipping his pint. "Greg, do you have a silver tongue or something? You just managed to persuade him that it was okay to deviate slightly from his most holy canon."

 

"How do you think we managed to pitch this job?" Mark says.

 

"By being jammy gits is what I presumed." Ross grins, then taps the script again. "Okay, we've got that down. My other question: if it's Apollo's procedure, why is Midnighter in the scene? Doubt they're down as next of kin at this stage, and I really doubt the secret military experiment people would even care about that kind of thing."

 

"Simple." Mark says. "He's there as insurance. At this stage, Midnighter's procedure is successful, so he's pretty much the only person they can get their hands on who can take Apollo down if his procedure is successful and he goes Hulk on them and there's a bad case of 'Apollo smash'."

 

Simon makes an interested noise. "I'd really like to try that some time. Especially if Ross is in the firing line."

 

"If this is going to turn into another of your bitching matches about the laundry, I've been given permission to gag both of you." Laura says. "Okay, does that answer all your questions so we can get on with the read-through?"

 

Ross raises a hand. "Is Apollo going to be shirtless? I'd just like to know so I can document it for our incredibly perverted fans."

 

"Apollo will be wearing a t-shirt if i have anything to say about it." Simon mutters. "The nakedness in this ep isn't enough for you?"

 

"Just so long as it's a tight t-shirt." Ross says, poking him in the bicep.

 

@StreetcarJr

APOLLO SMASH.

 

@RossHunter01

@StreetcarJr I was very disappointed you didn't turn green. Try harder.

 

@Streetcarjr

@RossHunter01 APOLLO SMASH PUNY MIDNIGHTER AND STEAL ALL THE JAFFA CAKES.

 

@RossHunter01

@StreetcarJr... You go too far. The fight is *on*, my friend.

 

Donna winces on looking round the very dank concrete room with miscellaneous pipes running around it, with added bubbling bits and screens added in by the set dressers. "I'm guessing this is the underground testing site where we're meeting our deaths."

 

"Yep." Ross says cheerfully. "In an acid bath, no less. There's classy."

 

Simon nudges him. "Who was the one making comments about me spending too much time around Mei?"

 

Ross eyes him. "I'm blaming indoctrination. And that Dr Who marathon where we got very pissed."

 

Simon slings an arm round him. "It's okay, it's not your fault you're now using Briticisms for getting drunk too."

 

Ross hangs his head. "I'm never going to hear the end of it, am I?"

 

"Nope, not in this lifetime if I have anything to say about it." Simon smirks, putting his hand on Ross' head and giving it a shake. "Go on, get into the vague area of your mark."

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Reports from set

 

I think the set dressers managed to find the dankest bit of set they could in the entirety of Pinewood. Today, we're filming the death of Apollo and Midnighter's first team, which involves a swathe of reddish liquid engulfing them. Costume are weeping and gnashing their teeth and hoping even more than the director that this will work first take, since getting the red stuff out of the costumes is going to be a complete nightmare, and they've only got so many copies. Ross is smug in the knowledge that the leather coat is wipe clean and the red liquid won't show on the black underneath. Simon is looking completely blasé about it, since the white combats show everything even under the murky lights this set's due to be bathed in, and costume has an entire rack of clean ones ready to be defaced according to the scene's notes at a moment's notice. The runners are standing by with mops and cloths for quick drying as it is. Everyone's a bit nervous as it is, since there's the possibility of leakage into the next room, or that vents and pipes won't spill the water properly.

 

_ONTD_Authority_

 

We are wet and red.

 

image: a set of actors in costume, including Ross and Simon, all with arms crossed and glowering at the camera in . Ross and Simon are the only ones not dripping red liquid, but Simon has got it on his face.

 

Latest pic tweeted from set is of Ross, Simon and a bunch of other actors in costume. Everyone's got red on them. Including Simon, who's the only one *not* dripping. Who thinks the red smeared on his face is due to Ross? No, we won't take your money. Judging by the costumes - slightly adapted, of course, since this appears to be a no-spandex series - it's the Apollo and Midnighter flashback episode that's been rumoured.

 

Elbowchild:

What, no shirtless pics? I'm feeling a bit deprived

>Kylea:

Possibly becasue it wasn't Ross taking the picture? *GRIN*

>Flashfwd:

I NEED MY SHIRTLESS SIMON. *cries*

 

Mirrormask:

Ooo, does this mean we might get a cameo of Henry Bendix?

>L4yercake

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME BEYOND BELIEF

>Geegeet

They've not said anything about Stormwatch, but then the scripts appear to be locked up tighter than a badger's nadgers. Even though we're getting a pretty good idea of what storylines are being filmed, thanks to The Carrier, still no details...

>>Lalalilo

The God Comes Back episode'll be very interesting...

 

 

“Okay, everyone know their cues? Ross, you finish, Simon, then you, look up, lines, then go into defensive.” Laura says. “Everyone ready? Shoo, get to your marks.”

 

“Yessir.” Simon says.

 

“Annnnnd.... cue rain.”

 

A fine light rain starts coming down on set. The actors playing suits get on the floor, and positioned according to the previous shots, and the last bit of make-up applied to them. Ross and the last suit walk to their marks. “Okay... lights. turn them down a fraction. Annnnd... Roll ‘em.”

 

Ross grabs the front of the suit’s jacket and aims a punch at him, the stuntman takes it and falls, landing on the foam they’ve painted to meld in with the alley floor. Simon picks up one of the guns, examining it.

 

Ross cocks his head. “Anything?”

 

“same guns as we found in Baltimore.” Simon says. “They've got to be coming from the same source.” he frowns, crouching down to get the wallet out of the man in front of him’s suit. He rifles through the wallet, then the other pockets, and frowns. “no lawyer’s card. What kind of gunrunner doesn't carry a lawyer’s card?”

 

“A very fucking weird one.” Ross replies, tying the man he’s just knocked down’s thumbs together.

 

“hang on.” Simon says. “Got something.” he holds up a leather wallet, and flips it open.

 

Ross glances at it, and smiles grimly. “CIA. thought so, the specs they've been shifting don't make any sense for normal gunrunners.” He crouches down and taps the man he’s got at his feet on his chin. “Talk to me. I can press my fingers right through your skull. now tell me where these things came from.”

 

The stunt man gasps as Ross grips his chin and groans. “The garden. The Nevada garden.” He swallows. “...Kill me now.”

 

Ross shoves his fingers into his mouth before he can clamp his jaw down, then smiles. “No suicide pill. Guess government lackeys aren't paid enough.”

 

Simon nods, and crushes the gun he’s folding. “I don't like this. But how the fuck do we track it down?”

 

Just over Ross's shoulder there’s the glow of a lighter being turned on and a fag being lit. Angel blows out some smoke as they turn at the realisation of someone behind them. “You’ve had your fun pissing about. Want to do some real work?”

 

“annnnnnd. Cut.” Laura says. “Right, bodies, stay there, Idris, get up and prepare to fall over and be menaced again. Angel, put that cigarette out. Simon, Ross, no kissing.”

 

“Can we turn the water off?” Simon asks.

 

“Depends.” Laura says. “Has anyone got me a cup of tea yet?”

 

_The-Carrier.net_

Overheard on set

 

I want mushroom stroganoff. Are we sure the bar staff didn't leave any when they fled for the hills?

 

Oh. Smoke in a pub. i remember that...

 

Someone tell the vampire to stop mugging, he's supposed to be menacing the deeply unimpressed Teddy Boy.

 

Kray Twin number 24, can you report to wardrobe, your hair is... slipping.

 

Can you hear that? that's the scream of someone who forgot to duck on coming back from the loo. Music to the ears of my shortarse self.

 

_Warrenellis.com_

 

Once again I was lured back to the production set of The Authority, that widescreen vomit comic of mine currently being filmed by HBO, the mad rich weasel of quality programming that it is. They use insane actors who double as stuntmen and singing tapdancers and wield medieval weapons - handy for when the other side has run out of bullets and on your side during the zombie apocalypse, but everyone has to have their little quirks. This time, i was not forced to face going through Slough, that questionable habitation that emits a constant miasma of despair as depicted by Ricky Gervais to gain access to the filming site. No, instead, I was given arcane instructions that indicated that they would be in the Cheshire Cheese on Fleet St, once a haunt of Dickens and Pepys and later colonised by journalists. Sometime in the last decade it has been given a new paint job.

 

On arrival, I was sadly not given a pint, but instead met with the general array of filming, the pub cordoned off and large vans parked outside. Given that the entrance to the pub is down and alley and the doors to the establishment are notoriously tiny, the lintels stained with the blood of centuries of unwary punters who forget to duck when passing through in their inebriated state. Inside, they were filming a flashback scene for Jenny Sparks in her natural habitat, a pub filled with the most disreputable characters they could find. Several of whom had managed to avoid the make-up artists and were almost certainly kidnapped off the streets, looking all the more horrific for it.

 

After being greeted by Angel, who was her usual foul-mouthed lovely self 'And in desperate need of a drink, the bastards have made the staff disconnect the kegs and wired them up with stuff that doesn't contain alcohol. and the kitchen isn't working. Seriously, this place does a mushroom stroganoff to die for, and that's not even mentioning the pies. It's a crime.' although made up to look as hungover as possible. 'Drew provided them with photographic evidence and then they exaggerated it, so it's all method.', I was escorted downstairs and squeezed in behind the camera equipment to watch the scene being filmed. the downstairs of the Cheshire Cheese, for those who haven't been there, is made up of the nooks and crannies of a wine cellar and general storage space, and I'm amazed that they managed to get people in there, let alone the camera equipment. I suspect they starve the assistants especially for the purpose of trying to navigate possibly the smallest space in a London pub you can find. On the second take, instead of being left alone to quietly observe, the director, a man known only as Motty, turned, beckoned to me, and I was directed to a table behind Angel and the actor attempting to impart information to her, and handed a glass of coloured fluid, having been cheerfully informed I looked disrespectable enough to be one of the regulars. I took offence to this, as i haven't worked at a newspaper in years. One of the assistants hurried over with a battered Penguin for me to peruse between pretending to drink. On closer examination, the coloured fluid that outwardly resembled cheap scotch was not scotch. Angel had been right and there was clearly some cruel experiment going on here.

 

As the director yelled action, a faint scream echoed from up the stairs. the low lintel had claimed another victim.


	13. Chapter 13

Angel strolls onto set. "Ah, how to fuck with peoples' heads and do a Ned Stark. My work here is done."

 

"Not unless you do it properly, it isn't." Motty says distractedly, then covers his mic with one hand. "Someone get me a cup of tea, will you? My hands are full of shooting scripts."

 

"And it's not like you're actually doing a Ned Stark until the end of the second episode." Mei says. "So no cackling."

 

Angel raises an eyebrow, sticking her hands in her pockets and spinning round on the spot to face her. "Need I remind you that you don't get to wear your wings for this scene?"

 

"...I was trying to forget that." Mei pouts. "You don't have to rub it in." She pauses. "And what was with the spin?"

 

"I'm feeling depraved on account of being deprived." Angel replies.

 

"On this set?" Mei asks in disbelief. "Have you been taking the good drugs again?"

 

"...possibly." Angel says.

 

"At this moment I think I'm going to call mam and ask what the commons symptoms are." Mei says.

 

"This from the girl who has a speed and adrenaline trip-wire in her brain?" Angel asks.

 

"Mam's used to that. She knows how to control it." Mei pauses. "As a child, it mostly involved bribery."

 

"Why is that not difficult to believe?" Angel asks.

 

"The question is what your parents did." Mei says.

 

"Chucked me into ballet and tap classes." Angel says promptly. "They'd heard that it promoted self discipline and wore children out."

 

"The ballet teachers clearly lied." Mei says. "All it did was give you a tendency to burst out into song and dance routines the minute you'd had to sit still for more than two minutes."

 

"But in a tuned and controlled way." Angel points out. "And then I started begging for my very own archery lessons, and they realised that i had more ideas than they did for funnelling my energy."

 

Mei eyes her. "So handing a kid deadly weapons is sensible. Now I worry about your parents." She pauses. "You do know that throwing up without the excuse of hangover is tv shorthand for pregnancy unless it's Casualty, right?"

 

"Yep." Angel smirks. "Drew and Ross have been sniggering about this for ages."

 

@AngelHarker

This morning, I hang out in my knickers. Something about this situation seems very familiar...

 

@ShipDrew

@AngelHarker Depends. Do you have a raging headache and a craving for a fry-up?

 

@AngelHarker

@ShipDrew Oh, that's what's missing. The headache I can live without, now let's see if I can source a bacon sandwich.

 

Motty checks the lighting in the bathroom set. "Okay, everyone out of range of reflection in the mirror except Angel. Lizzy, you're on following from her waking up., remember, that fast-slow stumble of those who're about to throw up."

 

Angel folds her arms."I have done this before, trust me. Many, many times. I have experience in it."

 

"Practically a pro, even." Mei grins, getting into the bed in the room they've set up adjoining Jenny Sparks' ensuite.

 

 

"...And roll 'em." Motty says.

 

Angel opens her eyes blearily, lies there for a minute, swallows, then her eyes slam open in alarm as she pushes the covers back and gets out of bed, hand over her mouth, half running, half stumbling in her desperation to get to the ensuite, the camera following her in as she makes noisy, unpleasant sounding coughing noises whilst bent over the sink, hacking and eventually spitting out a mouthful of bile. Eventually she raises her head blearily, staring at her reflection in the mirror and wiping her mouth.

 

Behind her and the cameraman, Mei gets out of bed and approaches, reflection appearing in the mirror behind Angel, putting a hand on her shoulder. "hey, you okay?" She asks, concerned.

 

Angel swallows, making a face and grabbing the mouthwash, taking a quick swig and spitting that into the sink, then rinsing the sink. She takes a deep breath, steadying herself on the edge and staring into it for a minute before finally straightening and covering Mei's hand with her own. "Fine, Shen. Just something disagreed with me. Go back to bed."

 

Mei frowns. "Not without you. if you're going to be fine, you can be fine back in bed where I can keep an eye on you."

 

Angel sighs, then smiles slightly. "Fusspot."

 

"That's me. Come on, back to bed." Mei says, taking one of her hands and dragging her back into the bedroom and pulling the covers over the both of them. Once they're in, she frowns again, pushing a bit of hair off Angel's face. "Besides, this isn't hungover you, I'm allowed to be concerned."

 

"There's a difference?" Angel mutters.

 

"Trust me, we've got plenty of experience with hungover you. You bitch something chronic when you've got a hangover. There's none of this 'fine' bollocks." Mei points out. "Now go to sleep."

 

Motty frowns. "And cut. Nice, but we need a slightly better angle on Angel in the mirror. Mei, absolutely fine, keep to your mark in that shot, Angel, if you could move your hands in a bit when you straighten up. That should change the angle enough."

 

Everyone gets back into position, and Angel gets fed a slug of the slime she's using for bile and stores it in her cheek to make sure she doesn't swallow it .

 

 

"Okay, and...action." Motty says.

 

Angel opens her eyes, shifts, swallows, her eyes slam open, she pushes back the covers and ... manages to somehow tangle herself in her own feet and the bedsheet, landing with a thump on the floor.

 

"Cut! what the hell happened there?" Motty asks.

 

"ummmm...." Angel says from her position on the floor "I got tangled up?"

 

Motty strides over and pulls her up. "Any broken bones?"

 

"Possibly a bruise." Angel says, rubbing her thigh.

 

"I thought dancers were supposed to be graceful." he says as she gets back into the bed.

 

"Gimme the covers back, you." Angel mutters, yanking them back from a creased up Mei. "And stop laughing."

 

"Sorry, it's just..." Mei sniggers again. "This is totally an example of method acting for this kind of thing."

 

Angel glares in her direction in the dim light. "See if I include you in the next round at the pub."

 

Motty whistles at them. "Quite enough of that, you two. deep breaths, ready on the count of ten..."

 

This time, Angel gets as far as the sink, starts hacking and coughing, makes one last 'hurk' noise, and... nothing comes out. Angel frowns and spits. Nothing. She pauses, then looks up sheepishly. "Um. I think i swallowed the slime when i fell out of bed?"

 

Motty groans. "Someone get her more slime. You, back to bed." He doesn't remove the palm from his face to look before he adds "And Mei, stop grinning, I can see you from here. Through my hand."

 

"It's dark, nobody saw me, you can't prove anything." She retorts.

 

Take five. Mei pats Angel on the arm, and says "Come on, um..." She pauses. "Come on, Ange- um -"

 

Angel smirks at their reflections and sing-songs "someone forgot their li-ines."

 

"I hate you. get your arse in bed and die quickly." Mei says, poking her. "Will that do?"

 

Motty groans. "Cut. someone hand the winged menace a script."

 

 

_The-carrier.net_

Reports from the Jazz age

 

Well, sort of. More the depression, but the part still determined to live the high life. we're filming in a themed nightclub in Brighton for a scene set in Jenny Sparks' past, all dolled up to resemble a place where the cool guys and dolls went to party the night away, and the set dressers are taking notes and photographing every possible last thing for reference - they barely had to do anything aside from cover up a few things the club had had to install to be health and safety compliant, like the fire exit sign. Costume had fun sourcing a bunch of costumes to outfit everyone, including a pre white outfit someone pulled from somewhere for Jenny Sparks, that's looking awfully like a Marlene Dietrich suit. Angel is swanning around in it, striking Cabaret poses on chairs while make up finishes styling a wig for her.

 

We've got a full band kitted out in monkey suits on the bandstand tuning up and playing occasional snatches of thirties tunes for atmosphere, And Drew's standing in front of them in his own tux, since he'll be providing the crooning. Right now he's singing 'Miss Otis Regrets' by Cole Porter, with people humming along as they get everyone into place, getting the last of the makeup and lighting right. the writers seem to have been finally brainwashed by the musical twosome's habit of breaking into song and dance numbers between takes. It seems we're getting the Authority the Musical episode after all.

 

@ShipDrew

Darling, we look faaaaabulous.

 

@Zoommei

For once, @ShipDrew speaks the absolute truth. Kisses!

 

Mei slinks out of the makeup trailer in full vamp mode, the cliché of every chinese dragon lady, complete with gloves and cigarette holder. she smirks, striking a pose. "Ta-da!"

 

Everyone claps. "Oh, very nice." Simon grins. "See they went the full cliche."

 

"Darling, if I didn't get full slinky asian barfly, I promised them i was going to pitch a fit." Mei says. "The cigarette holder was non-negotiable as well. If I can't pose louchely on a bar stool and look like I'll eat any man that even comes near me, then what is the point?" She catches sight of Gavin, all dolled up in three piece suit and chomping on a cigar, slinks over and runs a hand down his lapel. "You have cleaned up well, Gav."

 

Gav takes the cigar out of his mouth and grins. "Ever since I was a youngster, I wanted to be a gangster."

 

Mei narrows her eyes and slaps his shoulder. "No misquoting Goodfellas!"

 

"Hey!" there's a yell from the side in an accent that manages to set your teeth on edge. Isabella swans up, in a satin gown and furs, and slaps Mei's hand. "Get your hands off my man, you low down dirty hussy!" She exclaims, cuddling up to Gavin possessively.

 

Simon cracks up. "Isabella, I think you perfected the moll stereotype right there. where did you get the accent from?"

 

"Singin' in the Rain." Isabella smirks. "Ain't he just the most darling little thing you ever seen?"

 

Simon grins. "Think we all clean up very nicely." he says, straightening his tie, then sighing and getting Ross's collar into shape. "seriously, you're not even wearing a suit like the rest of us, how are you managing this?"

 

"hey, not everyone can be a gangster heavy, some of us get to be the cute, slick barman that keeps everyone in liquor." Ross smirks. "I don't have to be perfectly neat."

 

"Considering this is a classy establishment and you probably want tips sometime this lifetime, I'd keep it neat." Simon replies, tweaking his ear.

 

"But sweetheart, I've only got eyes for you...." Ross grins, batting his eyelashes.

 

Simon rolls his eyes. "See what i have to put up with?" he says despairingly at the others.

 

 

_The-carrier.net_

Extras, just for you

 

To follow up on that post from the nightclub, here's a vid of Angel and Drew singing Anything Goes, You're the Top and Miss Otis Regrets on the bandstand complete with orchestral accompaniment. Beware: those with an allergy to Cole Porter may have a problem. we couldn't stop them. We're *so* sorry.

 

_ONTD_authority._

SINGING!

 

Today the blog just posted up a vid of Angel and Drew singing.

 

...They've just done a John Barrowman on Torchwood. I want context. So much context.

 

Jenny223:

OMG THUD. I... my ovaries. oh god. Drew. Singing.

>Brassballs

Drew singing. Drew in a tux. I... *fans self*

>>Geegeegee

*pours ice bucket over you*

 

Vickyvim:

...Okay, tickets SOLD for next time they do a musical.

 

Hannahbabe:

If there aren't behind the scenes and outtakes on the DVDs, I will want to know WHY. They're always going on about them breaking into song and dance on set, we want to SEE it.

 

Motty checks the lighting. "Okay, everyone, places. Make-up, make sure Angel's as red-faced as possible..."

 

"Oh, cheers." Angel replies as she gets attacked with blusher where she's standing against the 'window' bit.

 

"You're a ginger turned blonde. You don't get to cry prettily, nature demands you go blotchy. Suck it up." Motty replies. "Not to mention you're supposed to be sick, so you're pale as it is. Enjoy. You're not getting a perfectly immaculate death, it's not bloody Moulin Rouge." He eyes the stunt people bringing in the crash mat. "Are you sure you can't collapse without that?"

 

Angel glares at him. "Yes, but sod's law says I'm going to have to do christ knows how many takes before you're satisfied. Therefore sod's law dictates I'll hit my head during the crucial one and won't be able to do the lines, and then where will you be?"

 

"True. Bugger." Motty says, adjusting his headset. "All right, make-up, bugger off, that's enough." He pauses. "And if I hear one 'Sonja... the talisman' out of you like in the read through I'll make you buy the next round."

 

Angel smirks. "Can't threaten me with that, you've already locked that one in on Ross due to what he did this morning."

 

"...Bugger. All right, I'll set parvi on you. It's only fair."

 

Mei blinks. "That's cruel and unusual even for you."

 

"And....roll 'em. Scene 24, take 1."

 

Everyone's drifting back, uncomfortably nursing bruises. Angel's in the background still, staring at the window where they had the best view of the High committing suicide. "You reckon she'll be okay?" Isabella asks, glancing back.

 

"A week in bed with a bottle of scotch, probably." Drew says. "She'll bounce back."

 

"Here's hoping." Isabella replies.

 

In the background, over her shoulder, Angel collapses with a soft thud against the crash mat that's very carefully blocked by Isabella's shoulder.

 

Everyone's heads whip round, and they run back to her, Drew going to his knees and pulling her into his lap, Mei crouching over her as the rest of them circle her. "Jenny?" he asks.

 

Angel winces and croaks. "Midnight. That's it for me."

 

Drew looks perplexed. "What? I don't understand, Jenny..."

 

"I'm the spirit of the age. A century long defense mechanism. Twentieth century's over and it's really starting to change." Angel whispers, coughing again.

 

Mei looks frantic, touching her shoulder and drawing back like she's been stung. "No it's not, the century clicked over over a decade ago, you can't read a calendar?"

 

"Don't blame me." Angel croaks. "And I said spirit of the *age*, not the bloody century. 'S a bit different. It's okay. Tired. Wasted a lot of time. Used up a lot of energy making up for it." She pauses, leaning up to Drew's ear, getting quieter. "Good start. Down to you now. Save the world. They deserve it." another pause. "Be better. Or I'll come back and kick your heads in."

 

"Annnnnd.... cut." Motty says. "Everyone, don't move. You're in the right spot for a crane shot."

 

Angel coughs and twitches. "Sonja... the ...talisman!"

 

"Stop That!" Motty yells as he heads in the direction of the crane. "There is no sodding giant stone yak in here!"

 

Gavin coughs and pulls something out of his pocket, waggling it slightly. "I have a very small fluffy one here if you need one?"

 

Mei cracks up and nearly falls on Angel. "I can't believe you. Where did you get that?"

 

"Ebay is a wonderful thing." Gavin says smugly, passing it to her. Mei proceeds to walk it up Angel until it's on her forehead, where she makes it do a little dance. With sound effects.

 

"Dignity." Angel drawls. "Always dignity."

 

Simon stares. "The climax of the series and all I'm going to remember is this yak."

 

Isabella makes sympathetic noises. "Just be glad you don't work in theatre. it could be final matinee and then you'd be completely buggered."


	14. Chapter 14

New York Comic con.

 

Drew swallows as they wait backstage. "Seriously, what are we even doing here?"

 

Ross shrugs. "I don't know about you, but I pre-ordered a sketch from two artists, and I want to collect."

 

Simon shrugs. "I have a 300 Leonidas costume ready and waiting to walk around in."

 

Isabella eyes him. "I think you need a bit more fake tan for that."

 

"Come on, you'd make a great Gorgo." Simon says encouragingly. "Just need some cord and a couple of bed sheets."

 

Isabella bites her lip. "Much as it would be awesome, i don't think i have enough tit tape."

 

Drew snorts. "We're at Comic Con. Someone will have some."

 

Ross shrugs again. "Trust me, it's cool, they don't actually want to eat you alive, they're not Supernatural fans. Besides, you're the theatre guys, crowds are nothing." he waves a hand vaguely. "Perform."

 

Angel rubs her nails. "Theatre, you're not sitting there waiting for the next question and you do pretty much know what's coming. i didn't go into this business to be a standup."

 

Ross looks at them curiously. "Seriously, have you guys never done signings? You were in a hit tv show, even if you didn't do a specific convention, there's Birmingham and Milton Keynes and London Expo."

 

Drew scratches the back of his neck. "Never did the talks. A couple of signings, but that's fans being like they are at the stage door. Saying hi, deciding which gifts to keep and which stuff to put in the hall of infamy. Plus Robin Hood never really had a massive fandom. Ratings, yes, fandom, no."

 

"Rule one of stage doors being to tell the dealers to fuck off." Isabella adds, going into imitating herself "Oh look, you have a sheaf of glossy photos and you don't want them personalised. Sorry, dealing with fans who want photos and their programmes signed and aren't here to make cash out of me. What's that? Uppity bitch? Oi, Wendys, I found the dealers!" She smirks. "Theatre fans. So terribly polite, so terribly dedicated to actors and the destruction of their own livers, so snobby about dealers. Brilliant with an elbow, polite jostle, marker pen or spiked heel."

 

Ross looks at her admiringly. "You actually used fans as a defensive tactic? why did you never tell me this before?"

 

Drew grins. "Trade secret."

 

"...Wendys?" Simon asks.

 

"West End Wendys." Angel says, still rubbing her nails.

 

"i'll get more details of this fascinating tactic later, but now, it's a press conference slash interview." Ross says. "Only with people who actually know and care about the show. And don't give much of a shit about your personal life, and won't twist your words to give good copy."

 

The interviewer's about to start with the questions after the cast have sat down and the cheering's subsided. Drew stops him. "Can i just declare here and now that if you haven't read the graphic novels or Stormwatch, we will spoil the shit out of them, and it's your own fault for being in this hall. We'll try and be a bit hazy on what got changed for the show - and trust me, there are definitely things, because there's a big difference between a 22-page comic and an hour long slot on tv, but otherwise? No mercy."

 

The interviewer nods. "Okay, that means I don't have to hedge around some stuff. Thank you for making my life easier, man."

 

Drew grins. "No problem. I'd have been apologising the whole way through otherwise." he pauses. "Actually, no I wouldn't. It's your own fault if you're attending a panel based on a previous work that's been freely available in book shops for the past decade."

 

The interviewer draws breath but Angel interrupts. "Can i just say one thing?"

 

"Uh... as long as it doesn't involve pollen, i'm allergic." he replies.

 

"Cool." Angel replies, then grins, leaning forward to her microphone. "Ladies, gentlemen and ewoks: before we get to the sexuality questions, I have heard rumours that Jack Hawksmoor is straight."

 

Everyone visibly retracts in horror from Drew, who blinks. Mei hisses "I was informed there was a minimum Kinsey requirement to be on this team."

 

Gavin picks up a pen and pokes him cautiously with it. "Is it communicable? Like a disease?"

 

Ross exchanges glances with Simon and taps his chin speculatively before asking "If we turn him, do we get our toaster?"

 

Simon is wearing an almost identical expression. "We do need a new one, considering Angie blew the last one in the Carrier's kitchen up."

 

Isabella glares at them "I've told you before, it was nothing to do with me, it was all the goo from The Doctor's pop tarts. My only fault in the entire ensuing situation was being the one there when it blew up. Just be glad I can function as a portable fire extinguisher."

 

Gavin shakes his head sadly. "And you call yourself a scientist. There is absolutely no evidence to support your claims."

 

Drew facepalms. "Besides the fact that I'm bisexual in real life?"

 

Angel pats him on the head. "That's neither here nor there, sweetie, and although it does wonders for the gossip columns, the point here is that Jack Hawksmoor is to all appearances straight." She turns to the audience. "So we're putting a request in to the writers here and now to make the rest of the crew feel better about having him around. it's not too much to ask."

 

Drew raises an eyebrow. "Shouldn't we be asking Warren this first?"

 

Angel waves a hand dismissively. "It's a well known fact that he's not susceptible to bribery, sacrifices or pleading. It's whims or nothing, so while it might make you feel better to offer sacrifices, we've yet to see that it makes any difference to his decisions. The writers, on the other hand, are anyone's for a suspiciously coloured cocktail and a few of cookies. Not even expensive cookies at that. Marked down Maryland cheapo cookies from the supermarket."

 

The interviewer brings out the next question. "Okay, what with the superheroics inherent to the work, it had to involve a lot of green screen. How was that?"

 

Everyone groans. Angel shakes her head. "I'd never done it before. it really does your head in at the start."

 

Simon cringes. "I state here and now that it's incredibly weird."

 

Ross rubs his elbow, looking uncomfortable. "You know that bit in the old Clash of the Titans, with the gods? I totally get why they looked like they were so completely disconnected. After my first go at it, I'm amazed more people don't look like that. I'm putting it down to the wizardry of modern technology."

 

"I did have it easier than most people." Mei admits. "It was my first time flying with the wings, so I was mostly concentrating on keeping them balanced in the new position. I'd been fine standing up and walking around or kneeling with them on."

 

"And after that, they had problems getting her out of the harness." Gav adds.

 

"Wings. Flying. And there was speed involved. What's not to like?" Mei asks.

 

Drew groans. "They lie to you. They tell you it's a bit like mime and minimalist theatre where you've got very few props. They're lying. It's nothing like that. Honestly, it's more like reacting to ghosts you can't see or hear and there's no real anchor, because the entire set got painted green on the whim of a mad set designer who was off her face on drugs and believed everyone should share her experience. It gets better, but seriously, when you're having to fight an invisible army of clones and make your punches look like you're connecting with something..." he trails off. "My respect for Andy Serkis was already sky-high after I saw him as Gollum. The bloke's an amazing actor outside the motion suit, never mind making those characters real. Now it's somewhere stratospheric because he pioneered it and made it believable and he was doing it in a wetsuit covered in ping-pong balls and changed all his body language to become an entirely different creature, never mind normal clothes."

 

Gavin shrugs. "I was essentially going 'just take it as a given that this is one of the really tripped out landscapes you'd be seeing on one of the Doctor's visions. Get used to it. Get used to it. And don't stare. If you do, pretend it's part of the performance and that's what you tell the director."

 

Isabelle shrugs. "I'm the only person with experience of it in the main cast because I had to do some in Dr Who. Once you've got over the first hurdle of doing it and getting your head around it, it does get easier." there's a silence while all the British cast glare daggers at her. "What?" Isabella asks.

 

Simon facepalms. "You mentioned being on Dr Who. You remember how there's this nuclear proliferation treaty on set about mentioning that fact? dr who discussion and geeking is fine, you being on it..."

 

"Ah." Isabella says. Not sheepishly at all.

 

Angel folds her arms and leans back in her seat. "This is why we're justified in hating you."

 

Isabella's response is to polish her nails on her top, then make the world's smallest violin gesture. "But it is proof that the gods like me better. Thppppbbt."

 

Mei narrows her eyes. "All your shoes are forfeit. Just so you know."

 

"Any more of this and you'll be made to sit on your jack Jones." Gav adds, pointing off stage. "Over there."

 

The interviewer raises an eyebrow. "Jack Jones?"

 

"lonesome." Ross translates. "There are parts of Brit slang that it's best not to ask, trust me."

 

The interviewer nods. "Got it. So who here read the comics before, and what did you think of the material?"

 

Gav straightens up. "I can pretty much speak for Mei, Isabella and me - never. Superhero comics don't have that wide a readership in the UK - the cartoons, sure, and we have homegrown kids' comics which're mostly war and sci-fi, and Tintin and Asterix, and Judge Dredd and 2000 AD, but most of us only know american comics when they get turned into cartoons and films. You're more likely to have read the indie stuff even if you do pick up the occasional graphic novel. My agent chucked me the novels and told me to read it. and it was completely bloomin' nuts."

 

mei props her face on her hand. "There was a character with wings, she was tibetan, and I decided then and there it would be mine." She grins beatifically. "Happy days."

 

Gav says dryly. "We'll get back to the wings later, mei, okay?"

 

"mmm. Wings." Mei says dreamily.

 

"Uh, okay." The interviewer says, looking slightly disturbed. "The rest of you?"

 

Angel speaks up. "We all read for auditions, but Drew and Ross are Ellis fanboys. And I have to live with Drew." she waves a hand. "It's a good story, the art and characters are really cool, the dialogue's way too much fun... but seriously." She flicks Drew in the ear. "Ellis. Fanboy. Up to and including having the 'Looka me, mister Claremont!' fanart explained to me. Which meant having his Excalibur run shoved under my nose." There's a ripple of laughter and sniggering from a small portion of the crowd. Angel eyes them. "You lot who sniggered, you know what I mean, don't you?"

 

There's a chorus of "Yes!" and more sniggering from that lot.

 

The interviewer looks confused. "I have to say I'm not familiar with that specific reference."

 

"It's fanart of Kitty Pryde shagging Pete Wisdom." Drew grins. "Holding up a sign."

 

"Teh Great God Ellis being the first writer not to keep her in permo-limbo of plucky teenager forever." Ross adds.

 

"Kitty/ Pete." Drew sighs. "My ultimate OTP. Drop dead, Colossus." he pauses. "One day i will achieve my next goal and play Pete Wisdom too."

 

Angel snorts indelicately. "Drew, you'll never be skinny enough."

 

Drew pouts. "I could diet." Angel sighs, and makes an 'up' gesture. "What?"

 

"Drew, take your jacket off, stand on your chair, then do a slow turn so the lovely audience can see your general build." Angel says. "Go on."

 

He pulls his jacket off to the wolf-whistles from the audience and Gav and mei cheerfully humming 'The Stripper', then gets up on the chair and turns round slowly, then gets down and pulls his jacket back on over his t-shirt. "Okay, so what did that prove?"

 

Angel just sighs. "Audience, that is his normal build. It's not for a role. He looks like that due to being a dancer and martial artist. There was no body building or chicken and broccoli diets involved in getting and keeping that physique. So I ask you, raise your hands if you think he'd make a better Brian Braddock than Pete Wisdom with his physique." There's a sea of hands. She smirks.

 

Ross grins. "Sorry, man, you're outvoted."

 

Isabella looks amused. "This is what it's like on set all the time. Only it's missing angel and Simon's shrieks of 'no quoting from other works! the Stormwatch stuff is bad enough!' "

 

Simon glares at her. "I don't shriek."

 

"...Fear my shiny metal head?" She asks. "Nasty doggy go boom boom?"

 

"I may have been a bit loud." Simon admits.

 

"I have an orgasm every five minutes." Ross grins. "please do not tell my father."

 

"I want to be a gaseous posthuman entity." Mei says admiringly. She pauses. "...Okay, we may have had it bleed into our brains a bit due to constant quotage and referencing the text."

 

Ross straightens up a bit. "And on the subject of Ellis geeking, who here wants to see me kiss Simon for journalistic purposes?" There's a lot of fangirl cheering. Ross smirks. "Think that's a yes."

 

"Since when do you need an excuse?" Isabella asks, then flaps her hand. "Go on, get on with it."

 

Ross pulls Simon up out of his seat, and Simon sighs "Total exhibitionist. You'd never guess, would you?" before cupping Ross' face in his hands and leaning forward, Ross' arms linking his arms around Simon's waist. And the fans go wild.

 

The interviewer watches, bemused. "am I even needed for this?"

 

Angel grins. "Think of yourself as occasional ringmaster. Or possibly a clockwork key. Wind 'em up and watch 'em go."

 

The interviewer flicks through his notes. "I definitely can't use that question now. Okay, how about this one? Most enjoyable moment on the series?"

 

Mei grins, very widely. "Any time I got to wear wings."

 

"Which was as much as she could get away with if she had anything to say about it." Gav says dryly. "The minute she got on set any time of day, she'd make a beeline for props where they kept her wings and try to convince them that she needed them. Getting them off her at the end of the day was a problem." He turns his head to mei. "How many times did they pretty much have to mug you before you got to the gates?"

 

Mei glares at him. "They're my wings. I should be allowed to wear them as much as I like."

 

"So yeah, any mad scientists who want to experiment with grafting wings onto humans, Mei Jones will not only be first in the queue of volunteers, she'll have left a trail of groaning bodies behind her to get to the front of the queue." Gavin continues.

 

Mei holds up a cautionary finger. "As long as they work. I'm not getting permanent surgery unless they're a) pretty and b) work."

 

The interviewer grins. "So I guess that answers the question of what superpower you'd choose."

 

Mei raises an eyebrow. "Duh."

 

"Okay, Gavin? Favourite moment in filming?" The interviewer asks.

 

Gav rocks his head from side to side a bit. "Probably watching Angel fall on her arse during the LA scene. The bit where all the Gamorra lot attack and I turn them to shards. Angel was yelling the lines about 'fucking bastard magician' and didn't lean right when she ducked to avoid them, so she overbalanced. The props department were using bits of screwed up paper to simulate the shards, so Angel'd react right and flinch and everything, so she ended up flat on her back on the pavement covered in the things."

 

"Love you too." Angel says, chucking a balled up bit of paper at his head. "Mine... lessee, probably one of the flashback scenes. The pub ones were frustrating because they're almost like a real pub but the stuff in the glasses is not great tasting dyed water. 40s, utterly brilliant because I'd love to do that period and no one will ever cast me in anything that involves it."

 

Drew grins. "It's a state of mind, I think. Whereas apparently i give off 'must put this man in a scratchy wool uniform' vibes, I’ve done at least three. My favourite scene should be the bit where I burst Regis during Blue Albion, it's always one of Jack's coolest moments in the comics, but it involved so much slime and it was cold and wet and we'd been out there for hours. Favourite moment..."

 

Angel cocks her head "Showing off, maybe?"

 

Drew grins, blinding for a second. There's a definite... sigh from the audience. "Yeah. that'd be it. the great god Ellis was on set watching me do spin kick after spin kick and I was in the zone, one of those days everything's just awesome and you're hitting your mark, and it got me that i was being employed to play one of my favourite comics characters, showing off what I could do in front of my favourite author, and... yeah." he sighs happily.

 

Angel pats him on the head. "drew will now take a moment because he's in his happy place. Si?"

 

Simon spreads his hands. "The Apollo Midnighter backstory episode, during the intro scenes. Getting to kick Ross' ass into shape because he'd never played a soldier before. Simple pleasures."

 

Ross grins. "And you have no idea how awesome he looked. Plus those fatigues fit him, really, really well. I recommend that everyone gets the freeze frame ready when it airs. You know. Appreciation of the... camera work." Simon doesn't even look, just flicks him in the ear. Ross rubs it to get rid of the sting. "Okay, okay, favourite moment on the series would be probably the first time i did a fight scene in the full Midnighter gear. Because dude. I look seriously awesome."

 

Isabella fiddles with her necklace, clearly thinking. "Oh, I know. I don't know how many of you've seen the behind the scenes videos they put up on the making of blog, but all the console screens in the monitoring room work, and they're all showing different things. One of them has a few games on it so I can look like I'm doing something. I'd just hit high score in Angry Birds, accidentally let out a noise, and Angel said 'Angie, did that data come up?'. I even managed to reply with something that sound professional, and they didn't make us re-do the shot."

 

Mei gives her a sympathetic look. "That's what you think. We've got post production and ADR when we get back, remember?"

 

Isabella glares at her. "Not that scene, I'm telling you."

 

Mei shakes her head. "I'm not taking your money, it's too easy."

 

The interviewer coughs. "Speaking of the behind the scenes blog, they often mention certain people breaking out into song and dance routines...? can you shed any light on that?"

 

Isabella tilts her head back, looking at the ceiling. "I always said nothing good would come of working with people who make their living making a spectacle of themselves."

 

"Excuse me?" Angel asks indignantly. "Which of us played Ophelia last year? A role, which I might add, requires you to go spectacularly batshit on stage?"

 

Isabella sniffs. "At least I'm not doing it in tune with jazz hands."

 

Simon shakes his head sadly. "It was mental torture on set, really it was. Any time there was a break, there'd suddenly be... music. Sometimes they wouldn't do it for a couple of days so you'd get lulled into a false sense of security, and then when you least expected it, boom! Chicago. we started flinching at the sound of someone doing a time step."

 

Ross grips his shoulder. "Stay strong man, stay strong."

 

"And then..." Simon makes a choking noise. "Then they taught make up and props Avenue Q and bits of Billy Elliot. No one is safe. I have trigger phrases inbuilt in my brain that just start me weeping in fear."

 

Angel smirks and sings "The internet is really really great..." and cups her ear at the audience.

 

Half the audience gleefully bellows back "FOR PORN!"

 

Simon and Gav sob loudly and bury their faces in the person next to them's shoulder. Ross and Mei, respectively, making 'shhhhh' noises. Mei glares at Angel whilst rubbing soothing circles into Gav's back. "Some people are so mean."

 

Angel inspects her nails. "Yes, but my jackbooted minions walk in perfect time. So I sleep well at night."

 

Drew sighs. "All right, all right, will you shut up if we do the Spamalot song?"

 

Isabella taps her finger against her lip. "Maybe. Possibly." She pauses. "Add a backflip to it and you've got yourself a deal."

 

Drew sighs, getting up and grabbing Angel's hand, dragging her round the table to the stage in front. "Come to Comic Con, they said. Meet the rabid fans, they said. There was nothing about singing whilst still sober."

 

"It's in the fine print." The interviewer says helpfully. "We don't tell people about it because most people are exempt due to not being able to sing. you were unfortunate enough to fall foul of it." Drew hands his mic to Angel and does the promised backflip. Cue the crowd going wild. "And that's before they even start singing..."

 

Angel and Drew have returned to their seats post singing, and the crowd has settled down. "Okay, going back to a previous question: If you could have any superpower...?"

 

Mei folds her arms, looking satisfied. "Wings."

 

Gavin thinks for a second. "The ability to make small explosions. I promise to use my powers for good. and if this malarkey fails, i can get a job in the demolitions sector."

 

Drew smirks. "I want Pete Wisdom's powers. Hot knives and so on."

 

Angel eyes him. "You just want them so you can cause havoc, don't you?"

 

"I never denied this." Drew says, still smirking.

 

Angel shrugs. "Electricity is very cool, I'll give it that."

 

Simon 'hmms'. "Probably speed. Ross?"

 

Ross shrugs. "Telekinesis. it's a thing. I'm lazy."

 

"I'd never have guessed." Simon says, poking him.

 

Isabella bites her lip slightly. "Honestly? Green fingers. I just want the ability to grow my own vegetables and not have house plants come to my place to die."

 

_ONTD_Authority_

 

Comic-Con!

 

...They showed the first two minutes. And the *panel*. There was singing. And Ross and Simon kissage. Footage of the panel below - we're waiting for the preview to appear on youtube soon.

 

Freebirdy:

OMG IT LOOKS SOOOOOOOO GOOD.

>Hardbottle:

FLAIL IT, SISTER

image: Kermit_flail

>Rebus:

*SHINING EYES* WE TRUST IN THE GREAT GODS OF HBO AND ELLIS.

 

Conspira:

Simon and Ross. Kissing. I.... yeah, I'll be in my bunk.

>Keeperofscrolls

No, really, how are they so hot *and* cute? Simon flicking Ross in the ear. I just...

>Lostintransport

THUD. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

>>Omiyakisan

SHIPPING THEM SO HARD. CUE THE RPS, MY CHILDREN.

 

Dee_fan:

Ross. Made. comments. About. Simon's. Ass. In. Fatigues. *SO DED FROM GUH*

>Invictee:

I'm honestly torn between fanservice and normal banter.

>>2ndSpear

I have tinhats and will be willing to pass them out to the dedicated.

 

_Bleeding Cool_

 

The Authority hit Comic Con

 

SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE COMIC

 

image: The cast of the Authority on stage at New York Comic Con

 

And they hit it *hard*. We got the first two minutes of episode one, which looked amazing. Effects, explosions, and Jenny Sparks striding around like a sarcastic badass. There was a lot of banter between the cast, especially about mei Jones' thing for her wings as Shen. (she occasionally had to be forcibly separated from them at the end of a day's filming) It's confirmed from what they mentioned about favourite bits to film that they're mostly following the comic, but expanding it since a 22 page issue isn't going to fill out an hour's tv.

 

Other bits gleaned: Bursting Regis in the Blue Albion bit was hours of cold, wet, and slime. Everyone found green screen filming incredibly weird and spooky at first, apart from Isabella (The Engineer) who all the Brits are incredibly jealous of for having been in Doctor Who. Drew and Ross (the designated Ellis fanboys) go around constantly quoting the comics and everyone else has picked at least some of it up. it drives Simon and Angel nuts. Angel and Drew like teaching the makeup and props departments the funny songs from musicals. Some stuff from Stormwatch has been brought in, very specifically the Apollo/Midnighter backstory episode. Apollo and Midnighter have been confirmed as ex-military. Angel mentioned filming a scene in the 1940s, so we're pretty sure we'll get to see some Jenny backstory that doesn't involve Blue Albion. Drew wants to play Pete Wisdom but Angel and the crowd informed him that he's not got the right build and would be better as Brian Braddock.

 

After the convention they're going back to do post production.

 

Clips you'll be able to find on youtube:

 

Drew doing a backflip, and Angel and Drew singing a duet from Spamalot. Do not drink anything during this. Really.

 

Ross and Simon kissing. Remember to turn the volume down on this, the screaming was pretty loud.

 

Storybee writes:

OMG. Want to see this so bad...

 

Third_Man writes:

Military? okay, that is very, very cool, I think they mention it in a behind the scenes clip on the blog, but if we get to see it in the episode, so much the better.


	15. Chapter 15

_Collider.com_

 

The Authority Review

 

by Paul Chan

 

Superheroes on tv tend to have a tough time. On film, they dominate the box office when they come out - Marvel pretty much have a licence to print money recently what with Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Spider-Man and The Avengers. DC aren't doing so well, but Batman and Superman are still going strong. The comic adaptations that have done well on the small screen are very specifically *not* superheroes - The Walking Dead, anyone? Superheroes themselves - well, we've got Heroes, which was about people with superhero powers but very definitely not about to put on spandex and fight evil any time soon. So HBO took a real chance with adapting Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch's The Authority, a big, widescreen take on superheroes out to protect the world from world-threatening invasions and attacks. Think the Justice League, only more adult and less primary coloured. I know what you're thinking. Superheroes? Really? Hear me out. This is worth it. It hasn't got the gritty complexity of Game of thrones, or the constant blood, fangs and sex vibe of True Blood, or Boardwalk Empire's period set crime organisations, HBO's other major offerings. Instead it goes for balls-out action, major destruction, stunning effects and enough hints of complex backstory for the characters in the first couple of episodes that you desperately want to know how they got to this place. think Battlestar Galactica, set in the here and now, going on the offensive and you might get closer to the real vibe of this series. Read my take on the Authority after the jump.

 

The first episode wastes no time with the action, opening with a full-scale attack on Moscow by a horde of black-clad powered figures intent on as much whole-scale destruction as possible. Cue a couple of worried government analysts reviewing the footage and wondering, post the implosion of several previous superhero groups, who's going to stop it. In steps one foul-mouthed Brit girl in white through a teleport door demanding all the information they've got so they can track the progenitors of the attack. And since the destructive force is soon revealed to be the work of a power-mad terrorist cell whose attack on London is coming on the heels of the attack on Moscow all too soon, they've got their work cut out.

 

This would be Jenny Sparks (Angel Harker of Robin Hood), the century-old electricity wielding leader of The Authority, a set of disparate superpowered people she brought together to act as the planet's defence mechanism after the latest efforts at this spectacularly imploded. Joining her are Jack Hawksmoor (Drew Shipley of Robin Hood and Captain America) and the winged Shen Li-Min (Mei Jones), who were previously on a black ops team with her, The Engineer (Isabella Garcia), a scientist who replaced her blood with nanomachinery, The Doctor (Gavin Detori), who's somehow managed to tap into the world's psychic field and become its shaman, and Apollo (Simon Kowalski) and Midnighter (Ross Hunter), the results of a government experiment in creating super powered agents that ended up with them going on the run. They've all got to learn to work as a team and tackle the threats when they're needed.

 

It's not complicated like Game of Thrones. Motivations are pretty clear, at least in the first episodes. The characters don't spend their time squabbling or having battles over leadership - Jenny Sparks' sheer force of personality as she strides through chain smoking and cutting the unwary down with sarcastic comments pretty much overrules any thoughts of that. they've got a job to do, and they've seen what happens when they don't do it - Jenny herself has been involved in myriad teams dedicated to tackling supernatural and alien threats throughout her life. What it does do is grab you by the throat, shove your face in the action and then ensure you're left breathless by the end. Even the non-action moments are tense, knowing the next threat is just around the corner and you have to be ready. It's gritty in the way that it's prepared to take the fight to the originators and very much not leave the status quo intact. They're not beating up people and leaving them to lick their wounds to attack again. And it's clear they're being watched, that there's some kind of slow build of behind the scenes stuff going on. Notes on the series I've seen make it clear that some of the stuff that happened in their past lives is going to come back and bite them on the ass. The effects are amazing. I'm stating here and now and mis-quoting Superman: You'll believe a girl can fry you with electricity. This being HBO, of course the violence is nothing to shrug off, and there's sex and swearing (Jenny Sparks herself generates most of this, she'd make a sailor blush) that would never, ever allow it a PG-13 certificate like your average superhero film.

 

The Authority premieres on HBO on April 17th at 9/8c.

 

_Den of Geek_

 

The Authority episode 1 review: They Think There's No-One Left to Save the World.

Emma Malone

 

It's finally here: HBO's big budget take on The Authority gets off to a cracking start. Here's Emma's full review of episode one...

 

This review contains spoilers.

 

1\. They Think There's No-One Left to Save the World

 

Maybe there hadn't been, but there certainly is now.

 

The anticipation for this series has been steadily building - an adaptation of Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch's late 90s superhero comic that purposely set to recreate the widescreen epic feel of cinema on the page. The comics crowd have been getting steadily more excited with each new glimpse of production, and everyone else has been watching, fascinated and disbelieving that HBO are throwing its weight behind a superhero show of all things.

 

Straight away, you're grateful that some madman at HBO read it, read the treatment and thought that the next big project to chuck at their audiences would be superheroes. Superheroes that have no problem embracing the name, unlike NBC's Heroes, which although it concentrated on people with the powers of superheroes, very specifically would not touch the concept of going out to fight threats with a bargepole, instead choosing to focus on small-scale stuff. What with comics' big names being big ticket draws at the box office, it's not totally surprising that one of the networks has decided that they'd like some of that. however, if you've not got a big name, there's a high chances you're going to crash and burn - who's heard of Green Lantern outside of America? its selling point was the name of its star, Ryan Reynolds. Green Hornet crashed and burned. The Authority, although one of the biggest selling comics of its time, has never, ever been heard of outside the comics community. 

 

Like all HBO, it's got adult themes, unbelievable violence, sex and some very gritty take no prisoners solutions to the threats they face. Each episode could easily be the basis of a fairly decent comics film, but for that you'd have to add comic book violence where no-one really gets hurt and cut down the language. The characters would become cardboard cut-outs. Instead, HBO has decided to keep the action and violence ramped up and the resultant ride leaves you gasping for more. They've managed to replicate the feel and look of a big-screen comics film in just the first episode, and that's no mean feat that they've got to replicate for the next nine episodes.

 

Anyway, enough background blathering. What you want to know if it's any good and the spoilers start pretty much here.

 

On the basis of this first episode, may I say this is better than good. If Green lantern could have been like this, i'd have made all my mates go and see it. It's all action, all the time, defending the planet against world-spanning threats where no-one else can, the dialogue crackling along with self depreciation and bitchy comments in true Warren Ellis fashion. The effects back it up, the flying hordes of Gamorran terrorists that provide the threat in this episode are truly threatening as they do their level best to destroy Moscow, and the spaceship they operate from is a beautiful, echoing marvel, with a real sense of space. And then there's the powers. Watching Swift and Apollo fly and Jenny Sparks use her electrics and you'll believe it.

 

As far as the characters go, they hit the ground running. Those who've read The Authority and its precursor Stormwatch (everyone I could make read it, and I'm not sorry) know there's a lot more backstory to Jenny and co, which I'm guessing is going to come up in later episodes, but for now, you get barely there comments, little hints here and there in dialogue but nothing more. For this episode, they're going for action and tension and making you hang on for the ride with your fingernails. Think Battlestar Galactica's 33 and you get the idea.

 

Acting? That's some damn good casting. Angel Harker as Jenny could probably rival Matt Smith for old soul in a young body, and she strides along chain smoking and dishing out the comments like everyone else is so much irritation. They were probably thanking their lucky stars when they got Drew Shipley for Jack Hawksmoor - everyone remembers him as Gisburne in Robin Hood, right? Here his physicality has translated to acrobatics and martial arts, and the loyalty he's got to Jenny and the job is coming off in waves. Mei Jones as Shen doesn't have all that much to do in this episode beyond the action scenes, but she's got nice familiarity with Jenny and Jack that hints at a longstanding friendship. Did anyone else know Gavin Detori could do anything but funny sidekick? He's doing a nice line in constantly tripping here as the Doctor. Isabella Garcia's going for gleeful and excited as The Engineer, and Simon Kowalski and Ross Hunter have really got the old married couple vibe going as Apollo and Midnighter. Ross is really relishing getting to menace with prejudice as Midnighter.

 

There has to be someone to save the world, and I'm putting my faith in The Authority.

 

The Authority airs in the UK on Sky Mondays at 9pm.

 

_After Elton.com_

 

The Authority 1x01 review

by José Antiles

 

Okay! Who's heard of The Authority? (late 90s comic, very kickass, featured the first out superhero couple) Anybody? Anybody? Eh, doesn't matter. All you have to understand about this series: a) they are superheroes out to save the world from the really *big* threats (muggings need not apply) b) ACTION. MORE ACTION. WITH A FEW MORE EXPLOSIONS c) Heterosexuality is not an option. Essentially, think Torchwood, only with superpowers and competency. though there's a high chance of coffee and nice suits.

 

Anyway, HBO, as you may have heard from the increasing buzz in the news and rumours section on this site, went and adapted this comic, it stars Marian and Guy of Gisburne from Robin Hood, a guy who was once in Supernatural and a very pretty guy who has a habit of playing soldiers and gangsters in movies. The last two are playing a couple. I did ask one of the comics geeks I know if I needed any backstory before I started watching this, and he did his thinky face for all of two seconds, then said "Jenny Sparks is a hundred years old, a complete bitch and wants to save the world but she needs a drink first." "That's all I need to know?" "Pretty much." "Um, backstory? Motivations?" "Lots of explosions and fight scenes." Pause. "And Apollo keeps having his top torn off. he's one of the gay characters. As opposed to the bisexual ones. Read the comic anyway, it's a lot of fun." So, it appears, unlike, say, Game of Thrones, which had so much story in there that occasionally things didn't make sense without reading the books, this one is absolutely fine without. (I did buy the books. They're sitting over on my bookshelf though I'm not re-reading them until after the series finishes so I can go over anything they missed then.)

 

So, on with the show!

 

Moscow, Russia. people are going about their day in the snow, looking various levels of pissed off, loading shopping into the car, walking the dog, having an argument with the significant other - when suddenly, out of an open sky, a host of flying people appear. All dressed in black, all with some sort of circle symbol on their chest. I...think these may be the bad guys. Correct me if I'm wrong. And, er, judging by the levels of destruction they start wreaking, I'm so right. I should have my own psychic business. People die. Buildings die. It's a *lot* of destruction.

 

Pan to two people who look government agentish watching the thing on tv and bitching and being sad about how there aren't any superhero teams who can handle this sort of thing any more. *someone* doesn't read HBO's press releases, or the internet, do they, Mulder and Scully? Call yourselves information analysts. But never mind, because a blonde girl dressed all in white (murder on the dry cleaning bills) walks in through a glowy thing in mid-air and demands all the info they've got (some people can be so pushy, she's like an old boss of mine) and then tells them she knows some people who *can* deal with this. 'A higher authority.' DUN DUNDUHHHHHHHH! And we got the name of the show in there! Hurrah!

 

Title sequence is... hmm. well, it's a dance track, I know that. Sort of vaguely familiar. Must go and look it up later. The camera's following a bunch of water ripples occasionally sparked by electricity, with people's silhouettes occasionally walking by. Different, at least.

 

An old guy of generic South-East Asian look in an expensive suit but in desperate need of a manicure goes into typical Bond villain rant, crossed with a bit of terrorist, about how he rose to power and killed his family doing it and how he lives to create terror blahdeblah and no-one can touch him BLAH (seriously, talk to Gaddafi sometime. Or Saddam. Really.) fondles a globe, then the camera draws back to reveal he's not in an office, he's surrounded by another horde of the murderous bad guys int he uniforms. And then does one of the best 'Fly, my pretties fly' gestures I've seen since that drag night in Chicago we do not speak of. it involves both arms *and* he doesn't clash his fingernails once when he flicks his wrists, that's how impressive it is.

 

Scene change to the interior of a spaceship, and blondie (this is Jenny, btw) walks out of a glowy wall, to tell a girl with wings and Guy of Gisburne in a really nicely tailored suit - boy cleans up *well* from medieval gear, let me tell you - that she got the info. Wings tells her they didn't need it, Jenny lights a cigarette and tells her that it was important that they thought that we needed it. Making them feel useful stuck in their little office and get the word out. She asks after someone else, then orders Suit Boy, whose name is Jack, to go survey the damage done in Moscow. He walks through the glowy wall and out into the wreckage post-destruction.

 

Suit Boy proceeds to melt through a couple of walls, bitch about life, find some graffiti of the mark on the evil horde's unitards, then communes with the city to see what happened. Clearly this means better cell service.

 

Back to the spaceship, and Jenny walks into what's clearly the control room, where what looks like a very female android is messing about with some holographics and screens. This is The Engineer, except she insists on being called Angie. Jenny points out that they have to get used to using codenames for the field. Bor-ing. Asks after someone called the Doctor, (we get a flash of someone doing his best yoga thing in a technicolored holodeck) then proceeds to bitch a little. During which time we get a little Angie backstory (not an android, just a very cool outfit she wears to better interface with technology, and replaced her blood with nanobots. Those things that healed London from gas mask zombie-dom in the first captain jack episode of Dr Who. Cool.) Jenny continues the roll-call, lighting another cigarette.

 

Jenny: "So where's the dynamic duo?"

Android Angie: "Went for a walk. And if they hear you called them that..."

Jenny: "In this job, I have to steal my laughs where I can, no matter how sad, pathetic or snide."

 

This I understand. I've had those jobs.

 

scene change again. To two very naked, very hot guys having sex. Start as you mean to go on, Authority, I'll be fine over here. Taking screencaps. Sex finishes, there's kissing, some very, very cute grins and face touching, and one of them scowls and starts bitching about Jenny and her smoking. And that they must have been insane to take this job. Hot guy two does the sigh of 'heard this before' and 'yes dear' and points out that it's not like they've got anything else to do, and they *are* Apollo and Midnighter. and then go back to kissing.

 

I *love* this show's definition of 'went for a walk', i really do.

 

Time passes. Footage of a giant spaceship (which apparently they're on) sailing through a glowy realm. Cut to Android Angie looking at her screens and telling the rest of the crew she's picked up that radiation signature that jack got her and it's heading for London. With a bit of technobabble, but Jenny's telling her to shut up and everyone to head for the teleport bay because she was born in London and no-one gets to mess with it but her.

 

London at twilight. The sun's setting over Big Ben and... oh. Whoops. One of the terrorists has just flown straight through it. destroy those landmarks! Go for the giant green dildo next! But leave the giant ferris wheel, I always thought it was really cool to have a carnival ride as a landmark. More destruction. People killed. And then the Authority arrive and proceed to kick ass in a very bloody, very entertaining way. Seriously. Apollo (patient hot naked guy, dressed in white like Jenny only in combat pants rather than jeans) flies into them like he's playing terrorist bowling. Wings flies into them with a hawk scream, grows giant claws and start clawing her way through another pack. Midnighter (bitchy hot naked guy, now sporting full leather batman outfit, including a leather duster) breaks necks. Android Angie grows hand cannons and starts shooting. Yoga Doctor guy starts turning terrorists into lots of birds and sparkles. Suit Boy punches his fist through a guy's head. EW. And Jenny electrocutes people. It's a very awesome lesson in how to take down superpowered terrorists.

 

Some more action, Android Angie zapping them with molecule sized comm links, general banter, general bitching - especially between Apollo and Midnighter about how he's not gone rusty after six months off, *thankyou*, dear, (old. married. couple. Just putting that out now.) until it becomes clear that what they're doing is herding them into the Thames. And then Jenny electrocutes them all. And then gets out of the river to the slightly stunned look from Apollo. The terrorists decide to retreat and start disappearing, except one guy who'd had his symbol torn by Apollo, who has to fly out of there, and Apollo gives chase.

 

Back to terrorist headquarters are us (some island, apparently, we expect they have an underground volcano) and Bond Villain with scary manicure notes the fact that someone appears to be fighting back, and there shouldn't be anyone, the superhero groups who operate on this scale are dead/ imploded/ retired and moved to Florida, so he decides to raise the forcefield around the island. (in suitably dramatic fashion, natch)

 

Team Awesome, back in the control room see this happen, Midnighter points out that his honey and the guy he's chasing have just appeared and are going too fast to stop, terrorist goes splat, and Apollo's legs disappear. he reappears in some floaty multi coloured place with The Doctor, who babbles a bit. Back to the spaceship, where Jenny bitches at Apollo for not following orders because he nearly killed himself and then she'd have to deal with his boyfriend on her own, orders Wings and The Doctor to go back to London to help with the clean-up, and everyone else to clean themselves up and get her information. Because the sweat of beating people's brains out is not acceptable in the modern workplace.

 

Suit Boy walks back with Android Angie to her place while she melts the metal off her to show she's naked underneath (like it wasn't obvious), actually offering her his jacket but definitely flirting. Apollo and Jenny talk a bit, now both in sweats and tanktops (still white, it appears to be a thing) mostly about how it was all a huge gamble of Jenny's and we get a bit of backstory on how she's been doing this for a lonnnnnnnng time. Like a hundred years long. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's a clusterfuck, but most of the time they manage to save lives and someone has to be there to save and change the world.

 

It's a nice statement to end the episode on.

 

So, conclusion: Lots of action, lots of bitching, great effects, no awkward infodumps, and hot naked guys having sex. if the series continues like this, i'm in.  


End file.
